Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Didn't really follow the IPL matches and I went about performing at the MAC a couple of weeks ago. Never realized performing to a crowd who had actually come to watch cricket would have ended up being fun. Had Vijay Narayan (from Super Singer) sing along with me. It would perhaps go down in history as the sultriest performance that I was a part of. I thought nothing could top the Times of India concert with Rahman sir. Remember all of us at melting point. But yeah this performance topped that one. I parked myself with the scorers thankfully who were super kind to let me watch the match with them. One of the scorers recognized me from ages ago and it was nice watching the processes that they were involved in. Also knew for real that I knew nothing about cricket. So it was almost like a crash course. And yes, watching the match live is a super experience and it will be one I shall cherish coz we'd won the match that day. And gotta give it to the guys who managed the sound that day. Was expecting only the worst that evening and I was the happiest that day. Super sound and even more magical monitors. I could finally hear what I was singing. Its a very rare occurrence as far as I am concerned. I am seldom happy with the sound that I get as feedback. Goes for some studios too. Its hard to figure out whether we are pitching properly, leave alone perfectly if this is not taken care of. And as I see there is no such thing as a "one size fits all" kinda setting with this. Maybe I am the difficult ones. Nevertheless I was also part of an amazing photo shoot with Mr Selva and found a great designer in a long time friend - Satkrit. Its quite impossible to describe the feeling to see people you have seen as a child or a teenager and then find yourself working with them, and happily, to top that :) Hosted an audio release, dubbed for another movie, sang a few songs, learnt a couple of new skills and that has been a summary of weeks that have gone by.
I know that I have a tendency to start a lot of my paragraphs or posts here with "There are times.." or something similar to that. But yes there are times and there are some more and some more.  Sometimes I wish this time thing would stand still, sometimes I wish it could fast forward. Sometimes I wish I could reach the end and then perhaps rewind - like I can do with a DVD. There are times that we question what we are doing, what we stand for, see if we can turn ourselves inside out and perhaps see what is on the outside is fit enough to go deeper. What would it be like to shed or change a certain episode or a circumstance just like we do with clothes? To move at will wherever whenever. To not be bound by the skeins of time. Skeins that glisten in the sunlight. Skeins that are so delicate. But are they? Sometimes they are far from. And just like that, a single skein turns to a vice that grips your hand making your skin look like its about to be churned. Sometimes this is a thorny vice drawing blood at contact and drawing some more as it tightens leaving behind a hurt body and a tired soul. There are times we laugh so much that we can cry. And there are times that we wish we can empty our souls, even if it were only to yourself and an empty room, in tears that ebb and flow but cannot. Try as we might, there is no emotion. There is no feeling. Sometimes there is a wish to know that feeling of not existing. The nothingness that is eulogized about. At times there is romanticizing that idea. So many different paths and so many different choices. The choice for or against each of those changes everything irrevocably. Sometimes so many things can never be. And sometimes we wonder what could have been. And then its almost as if the wind that blows through my window whispers the lines of Robert Frost of two roads diverging in a yellow wood, all around me. I wonder, just for a few seconds, on what he could have been thinking of when he inked that. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to really not be attached to anything or anybody. And I am beginning to believe that it is. Dispassionate. Emotionless. No attachment of any feeling to anything whatsoever. But that would be the state that sages reach, would it? I am given to understand there is joy in the wake of such a state. It would be good to be nothing. To disappear into the light. Right now. And maybe forever after. Just curious to know what it would be like. And yeah I will come back and blog about it cos I think 140 characters on Twitter is too less hehe.

8 comments:

Confectionery Baron said...

Do you mean to say that you sang in the IPL finals.I din get your blog.Its too long Chin...try to keep thing short...And why dint you reply to my mails....
Bye Chin...

Confectionery Baron said...

Hey Chin do you tweet also....

Archikins said...

It is not attachment to nothing that is blissful, it is getting to a state of attachment to no one thing that is. And at that point, you feel attached/connected to everything. A feeling of uninhibited love for everyone.

Arun PU said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advaita_vedanta
might be a good starting point for you.
Arun

ChennaiHero said...

This time you are more complex than my 12th std Physics & Maths....I understood that you liked the show in MAC and it topped the TOI Concert with ARR. Can't able to understand anything more :(

-Venkat

Anonymous said...

i read ure blogs whenever possible,this blog has really expressed what i am feeling right now.for the past many days ive been confused,infact blank,nd every little feeling of mine has been brought about in this blog....thank u !!!! :)

kalyan said...

:)

hello chinmayi,

looks u r vry xpressive...
did chetan bhagat inspired you./...?

Anonymous said...

Finally the bondless attachment suggested in the freedom discussions sometime back is taking shape.