I have been meaning to blog about this for a while, since I am asked on a daily basis or congratulated about an impending marriage. Well thank you. But honestly I have no idea about the why-s and how-s of this news story surfacing now, all of a sudden. Yes every mother wants her daughter married and my mom is no different. She polambifies when she gets a chance. Perhaps someone thought it worthy of making it a story and also added we do maangalya pooja whenever we get the time. I'm now curious about the maangalya pooja, in all seriousness.(I also joked that they were kind to write I was going to be married and not planning on secretly eloping)
In all these years I have gotten advice on being extremely careful on finding the right person and be wary of traps. Non-famous girls get blackmailed, you better be cautious, I'd be told. And sooner or later one just had to read news stories to understand there are so many things going wrong and the number of perverts on the loose ... I despair for the girls whose back God didn't watch. (For the men who probably got wrong partners in women, my sympathies with you too)
There is a reason I am writing this post. To tell you about a couple of people I came across in the virtual world and whose mails would land on my inbox, all mostly uni-directional communication. There were times I would try and reason out and then figured it was useless and of course mom would be informed of all these mails. Interestingly these men would CC to mom as well, so it kinda cut some work for me. I shall be polite enough to not disclose identities, but this is an FYI to everyone who is finding a groom (I can only talk of personal experience) for their daughters.
So I am regular on Twitter. You, reading this post would know that, I presume. I tweet randomly about something under the sun, or RT something, Mr X1 assumes it is all for him. And sends me a mail, asking why I am indirectly tweeting to him. Initially I responded, since I usually respond to most mails, when I have the time, asking what this was in reference to. He says I know you love me and that's why you tweet all those things. And this was the beginning. It went upto "ASK AUNTY TO TALK because I am looking at what is best for OUR future". He also claimed his family knew about it. Now I don't understand how his entire family would go with "all her tweets are indirectly for me and she loves me". Some mails would be downright vulgar. Some abusive. Then he says "Your time is UP! I am going ahead with my life now since you failed to respond!!". Then he would blame me for the excessive depression for 2 years he went through because of me. Last heard a mail claiming to be from his mother lands up. I seriously doubt if it was from her, or if he mailed that himself too. Nonetheless that's that.
Guy X2 calls my mother Athamma, has told his family he is 'fixed on marrying me'. And asks me "Why do you want to be a heroine? If you want to be actress you'll have to forget me and our love". Oh, he also believes all my tweets are indirectly for him. Now God only knows when I said I want to be a heroine. Don't even ask about the "our love" part. Then he graciously compromises and says "Chinnu you can be serial heroine. I ll be OK with that" or something to that effect. Then one day I just RT an image of a wedding ring which leaves the impression 'MARRIED" on your skin if you have worn it a while and have removed it. And X2 says "Our wedding ring super ra.." For a second I was taken aback. What wedding ring?, I shouted in my head. And then I put 2 and 2 together. I made 4. He made 7 1/2. I think its all because of some 7 1/2 that I am going through all this. X2's mails are particularly hilarious and worrying at the same time. I get a dozen mails a day from him. Today's mail read, waiting eagerly for marriage with chinnu. Sigh.
I am not writing about this for entertainment value. But because, today as an adult, I shudder to think, that these 2 guys, (there have been a few others who were on this delusional trip including a man in his mid 40-s, but I shall stop here) who are educated, one of them studies abroad in a reputed university (!), seem to come from sound backgrounds and look absolutely fine, go on such trips and these are the kinda guys will marry some unassuming girl somewhere.
I even tell people, that being who I am, its extreemely easy to find out about me. For the said 'background checks' you know? I m in the public domain. Easier to find out about me. But I on the other hand, will never know about a guy or a family posing to be normal like X1 I mentioned above, I would never know if he was stalking someone, has some obsessive pattern of behaviour, what the actual intentions are... well I can go on and on.
To you reading this post, if you are single/unattached/about to be hitched, whatever. I ll tell you this, from all the advice I have got. I am not so sure about the better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I have seen people I know go through hell, when they lost. Some still do. Its perhaps easier to follow the heart and enjoy the butterflies. But please do follow your head. Think it through solidly. Speak to adults if you are young or even if you think you are old enough. There are not too many things in life that experience and sound advice can replace. Its great if that can come for you from within the family. I have mom first. We have made quite a formidable team as I see from general public perception, now that I am considered to be in 'the marriage market' (bleargh for that term). And it is also funny to see how many people are insecure because of the kind of a bond mom and I share. Pah. Too many people cannot understand the Guru and the mother concept. We also have a few close people who are my mom's well-wishers and friends. A circle who has seen us through all these years. Non-judgmental and razor-blade honest.
Follow your gut instinct and always, always listen to the inner voice. Don't ever ignore it. And be careful. Very careful. Please don't marry because your great-grandparents want to see great-great grandchildren. Or because of social pressure. Things were simpler until our parents' time I think. It is not so now as I am told and as I myself see.
We marry not the individual but the families too. If you think you cannot like the family, then the marriage is going to be difficult, and if you plan on having children, know that you cannot tell your children later to stay away from their own family. This was another advice given to me and I have also learned from observation, looking at some unhappy people and children and decided that is not what I want. A week back when I was in Hyderabad on work, a man married for 8 years said, you could know someone for years before you re married. But after you are married, you discover a whole new person.
As for looking through matrimonial sites and getting to know total strangers and marrying them, I personally shudder at the thought. But I know there are people who are very happily married this way too. Perhaps its all destiny. And fairy dust. And all that. I do believe its better to be single than be in an unhappy marriage.
I wrote about X1 and X2 because there are times when you may meet a seemingly normal person. But there are things one might never know. And during those times, they say some alarm bells ring, something doesn't feel right. Don't ignore that. Follow your gut instinct. And there are times when the background checks will never find out if someone had some behavioural anomalies like those I mentioned above. And finally to you reading this blog, if you intend to marry, may God give you a nice person and a beautiful family to marry into. If you don't intend to, which is an idea I court (mom is gonna kill me!:p) well may you be happy even then. Tathaastu!