Sunday, February 03, 2013

Sometimes all that one needs to do is ask questions. And thereafter, the listening is a lovely experience.

A quote that I read in Katie Couric's book goes something like, 'you never learn anything if you were going to be listening only to yourself speak". Yes, these are not the exact words and I am unable to find the book in the growing pile I have so that I can reproduce it here verbatim *and* attribute it to the person by whom these words were spoken. 

Lately all that I am doing is asking people questions. About decisions they take and the choices they make. Trying to understand my own belief systems and seeing where I stand. I have come across some beautifully carefree souls.  Selfless ones. And I take away a lot of lessons from each conversation. 

A friend told me to be "selfish enough to be happy". Another told me to "speak out what you have in your heart". Sometimes, my friend says, we care too much about other people, what they think and more so, these 'people' are those we don't even know. So to say, these people are the "They" we speak of. "They" are no one in particular but they are omnipresent. However, it required a friend to bring into perspective that we are giving an omnipresent quality to those who dont deserve it really. Yes, maybe you are doing something that a third person will frown upon. But does your action give you happiness? However, no judging here. I'm not going into the "true happiness" "spiritual happiness" or "conscientious happiness" or the happiness that comes from "not hurting others"... you know, you get the drift. 

We don't allow ourselves to be happy most times. And should we not sit with ourselves and decide what it is that makes us happy? More often that not the answer won't lie in material aspects. It might be in spending time by yourself somewhere. Or anything at all. When was the last time you found out what you wanted? Did you spend time with yourself to find out if you were doing things that make you happy? Most importantly, without judging yourself. The biggest punishment we give ourselves is the judgment we pass on what we can/cannot/should/shouldnt/ought to do. Forget about passing judgments on others. Cannot do this because XYZ's aunt will think something.

One of the things I am trying to let go is my scathing judgments of myself. It would be good to give myself a break from my own acidic criticism. And yes, I am also realizing each day and reminding myself too, that I get to live as myself way once. And inspite of the limitations that I have in this lifetime, I am really not going to sprain my brain too much about general views and viewpoints. I did before. I definitely did. Not anymore. It is so not worth it. There are some things in myself that wont change. Certain ethics. Thank God for that.

But otherwise you know, when you die, who are you going to be answerable to? Are you going to lie there in the last moments of your life thinking that hey, you made good use of this time here on this realm and also had fun in the process or sigh that you led a life in a strait jacket you stitched around yourself, which I am sure others also put in a chain stitch or a cross stitch as they deemed convenient, living with as little movement that the jacket allowed? Of course I am sure there are people who are happy to lead a life like that, no judging there. But I guess what I am telling myself here and maybe to you, who read all these paragraphs to reach this line, that it is high time you chose to be happy. Doing the things you like. High time you lived. :) If you are, let me know, I'd be happy to take notes while I also go about my own journey.

Love. Live. Find the peace within. Its beautiful I hear.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

*there are something in myself that wont change*that cannot be changed too. A much needed blog chinmayi. Being myself without thinking abt d ppl around me is a herculus job. Being a girl i have faced a lot of criticism from ppl who even stayed as friend once. But still i luv being myself. I always tell to myself i am happy this way by doing wat i lyk but at the same time am doing no harm to anyone by being myself. While reading ur blog am seeing me in you. Long live and god bless you

Varun Chenna said...

Perhaps all one needs to do is follow one's heart and not the mind, which would make you think about random stuff, sway you away from your goal. But i always wondered if there is a life without regrets. We all have ours, don't we?

Deepika said...

that was a refreshing read.The one sentence that hit me the most was "We don't allow ourselves to be happy most times", how very true. we put others in front of us,than ourselves before taking a decision.its hightime we start looking for peace within..let me try frm now on :) as i said on twt..pls do write more.

Shamilee said...

Totally in love with your blog. There are very few celebs who actually deserve being where they are and your truly one of them akka. You keep reminding me that whenever I read your blog. Such an inspiration you are. Love you tons.

vids said...

Quite thoughtful Chinz ! It is good to assess what we do or want to do but then yea the 'self judgemental ' theory does play a vital role .Many a times we do fall prey to our own steep acidic thoughts .We are nothing but specifically programmed genetic manifestations of Our creator.So it is ultimately the inner peace that makes your journey worthwhile , be it you do things for yourself or for others . If you can attain that in every little thing that pops your way ,nothing else truly matters :)

Akila said...

Beautiful Chinmayi. May you have a peaceful journey. God bless you.

Anu said...

Pleasure reading ur thoughts.
Its not 100% possible to live the way you want for any human in any part of the world. We are social animals and have to follow the rules of the particular sect we live in. We are all bounded by some cultural “ideas”, which we have to follow, irrespective of how logical it is to apply. But that influences hardly 10% of the decisions we make. The remaining is what actually we are.
Personally since my college days, I have been doing what makes me happy. Only thing I had to do, was to convince my close ones. They are obviously interested in your welfare. So if you have good thoughts with convincing ability.. you win.
But again, one should be careful to chose, who falls in the list of close ones. Only very few come under that. Others are so called “THEY”. I just ignored them, and kept doing what my heart said. You should see them now!! Even people whom I admire are jealousy about me..lol
But I have put in a lots of hard work. Analysing the characters of my friends, relatives .. And also proving yourself in life also increases the confidence upon you. So as you grow, you become the model.
But since you are a famous media person, I would suggest you, along with the closed ones, you ought to consider the sentiments of your fans too..
For eg: Kamal sir has not done anything wrong through vishwaroopam. But during the times of turmoil, even his own industry people didn’t offer him much support. If you really want to do what makes you happy, one must be ready for the consequences as well.

Ananth said...

Nicely written Chinmayi..yes me too trying to find happiness within me! So far travelled all over the world chasing it...

naren dran said...

Might be its like this . If i happen only to be with ppl who are happy with what they have, and if most of the time is spent with them , we might forget about passing judgement on ourselves .
But on the contrary, i am inbetween a Chaos of ppl who shouts and who listens, and i am unable to act as if i dont have a hole in my ears .
Still i am happy , cos they always push me to be some1 they admire and criticise.




Saravana said...

"There are some things in myself that wont change. Certain ethics. Thank God for that.". Nice and apparently most of our changes had so far been... based on ABC..to XYZ's judgements. Good one Chinmayi.

Saravana said...

"There are some things in myself that wont change. Certain ethics. Thank God for that.". Nice and apparently most of our changes had so far been... based on ABC..to XYZ's judgements. Good one Chinmayi.

Siva said...

Hi Chinmayi,

Nice post.When I started reading this post I was weight hearted.Confused about "How to be happy" like a child.Of course the statement of one of your friends is correct. To be happy, "we should be selfish". Because when we start caring or bothering about someone it brings lot of pain. And it becomes more when we come to know that we are not that much important to them as we do. But I am asking one question to you can you be happy when you are sitting alone in a beach and looking at the gang of friends enjoying together?. May be not. I thing it is quite hard to find a happiness within.If not so,please suggest me to find a happiness within ourself.

Simple Gyaan said...

Hi Chinmayi... Greetings! I'm in absolute agreement with your thoughts on this... You live once and its too precious not to live it the way you like to... LIVE your life... as long as you can say "There are some things in myself that wont change. Certain ethics. Thank God for that." :) Keep it with you... That really adds to the Happiness... and finally "Love. Live. Find the peace within. Its beautiful I hear"... I hear? :)