Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Of friendships that 'used to be'

I recently ran into someone who introduced themselves to another friend saying "I used to be a good friend of chinmayi's".
Every relationship I have forged has always started out on implicit faith and trust in the higher good. And not so surprisingly I have been proven wrong, more often than not. And these have ended up to be the said learning experiences that have changed me which was necessary for the path that I have taken. As long as one is naive and trusting they are loved by everyone, simply because they are easily taken for granted. However these experiences usually rekindle a fire that may have simmered down. But I do ask this question to myself, do we go along life as a warrior, waging wars emotionally, mentally and at times verbally with ourselves or with others or do we placidly go about life observing everything dispassionately? However one probably needs to be a spiritually evolved soul to be like the latter. Remembering the wrongs of others is a burden that we carry in our own minds spake the Buddha. But what if such burdens are voluntary. What if there are people who need that burden as some sort of an impetus to achieve a personal milestone (in the right manner and ethically, i.e.)

One of the things that is more difficult to comprehend is the inability to forgive. Why is it tough to let go?

This concept of forgive, but dont forget seems like a paradox sometimes...

As of now, in several cases I have been unable to do either. And in some, it's like I have had some episodic amnesia. Now I dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. One thing is for sure. It'll leave the other person confused.

But would I personally liked to be worldly wise or worldly dumb? I'd choose the latter sometimes coz its a happier space. As for worldly wisdom, I am getting wise with each passing day :) Not there yet. 

3 comments:

Archana said...

Hello!! With regard to spiritually evolved souls, not exactly that they go about all things of the world dispassionately, but go about passion brimming, on all things of the world. The passion is so selfless, that it is pure joy and everything, it covers. there is nothing otherwise there. hence, many wrongly conclude it to be dispassionately. Or Perhaps, passion is a wrong term to associate. It is bliss and love. Try reading RUMI or SHAMS if you haven't yet.
There is no stage set for a soul to climb up and say it is spiritually evolved. It is a journey.. and at some point, anyone and everyone will have to start... :) So, simply forgive and forget... and keep going.. :)

boopathi raja said...

Sometimes these things happens.
Need to move on with joy.
Love everything to be happy forever..

Mysorean said...

Hi Chinmayi,

I once wrote on my facebook when I was really giving this whole thing of 'forgive-regret-forget-repeat' cycle a deeper thought. I hope you will read it atleast, if not reply! :-)

"Have you ever hurt anyone so much that just remembering that act which caused the hurt brings tears to eyes? Not just because you think it was wrong. But because you feel the hurt that you caused? Unless you feel their hurt to the same extent within you, please do not use words like empathy/ giving/ love/ etc.

Whenever I have said this to people, I get this question back, "How do I know the extent to which they are hurt?". That's the point. You might never know. But one day, you will know. And that's the day something inside you breaks. That's the day you won't ask that question ever again.
This is why regret is an important emotion. If you can regret fully, then you have lived a life worth living. Else, you are still scratching surface of this wonderful experience of life. One way of experiencing it is getting into it with a no-holds barred approach.

You can be without regret only if you have done nothing to hurt another person ever or you have felt their hurt fully. Whenever someone says, 'I have no regrets' (which is a fashionable thing to say nowadays), I wonder which side of hurt they are on.

I don't mean to say live life with a heavy burden of feeling the hurt you have caused to others. If you are aware of the hurt you have caused to someone in the past, I am hoping you will be aware enough not to repeat that stupidity again. And in the process, if you are open to the hurt you have caused then you will realise the hurt that the other person has gone through one day.

In English, it's called regret. The word has been abused enough to become an untouchable today. But it's a fantastic tool if you can embrace it fully. Thank you.