WhatToNameIt

2012-01-22T20:42:00.000+05:30

Happened to read posts that I wrote when I had begun blogging. It's interesting to see what we have written at times and to go back and perhaps reflect on the decisions and the thought process we'd have had. And especially when such logs are in a public domain for all to see.

There was this phase where I wrote absolutely random prose on nothing in particular. But perhaps if I had not blogged it here I would have totally forgotten. Books get misplaced. Papers get torn. And devices are exchanged. Seems like the internet is the place of ever after.

However the exercise of changing this space into a proper website has been a work in progress for aeons. Wonder if I ll get this done this year at least. Ah, well. Resolutions....!!!

2012-01-19T20:50:00.002+05:30

A learned, wise man once told me to dedicate everything I do and every note I sing to the Goddess Saraswati. For me, it is actually difficult to imagine the form of any one God/Goddess when I think of the creator. More often than not my God is formless. Yes I love many of the rituals and practices associated with my culture that has been passed down to me by my family, question some, but over all I am happy for the cultural identity that I have.

Once when I went back to this gentleman and was telling him about a struggle that I was going through, he said only one thing. Dedicate it all to the Goddess. She shall watch over you and though Saraswati might come across as a calm, peaceful Goddess, Saraswati would actually dance the dance of destruction on the ego of the one that causes the pain on her devotee. This of course stands true in the case of the devotee as well.

As they say a lot of this wisdom I have heard from mom but when it comes to me again from a different soul, its is reaffirmation and a case of dejavu. And of course, the "why didn't I practice this when mom told me a long while ago"?

On the previous post, I happened to ask that question to know what general opinion is like. At least as a dipstick opinion poll, if you may. There are some people who say no celebrity can exist if there are no fans. I had always honestly wondered what that means. In my humble opinion, a fanboy is someone who perhaps, religiously follows an artiste's work and more often even blind to any inconsistencies and worships the artiste. In our culture, especially in south India, this is not an unknown concept where the fan doesn't merely stick pictures of his favorite actor in his room, or the wallpaper/screensaver on his mobile device, watch the movies (at theaters mostly). But he is also the guy who will stick his body with a million needles and walk on fire if his favorite actor's health fails. Eat food from the bare ground. Get coconuts broken on his head. And we all know about all this. Of course this isn't the definition of a fan. There are definitely others who admire their favorite stars' work in a more peaceful fashion. But to me the ultimate fan was the kind who I saw everytime a Superstar film released. I thought it was stuff of legends until TV Channels showed it. And of course when he was going through a rough patch with his health, the kind of prayers and everything else was amazing. Of course, beyond south India, the actors of the North say no one gets the sort of adulation that stars in the south get. I am drifting, but coming back...

I was also told that it is my business to learn to sing, keep learning, singing and go about on related work. Everything - awards, praise, encomiums are all incidental. The only thing that will last is the art. I will only be a practitioner who will also eventually be lost in the sands of time or become the drop in the ocean.

To me, I shall humbly state that (in my case) only the sadhaka or the practice of music exists. Only music exists. Criticism, praise, compliments, fans, awards, money is all incidental. And one day I shall also cease to exist and become a statistic. That is all there is to it.

As for criticism or taking any, my greatest critic is my mother. Each of her words in relevant situations have been like a bitter pill but she has poured it down my throat and the taste will last a lifetime. This doesn't mean I disregard any criticism from others but based on my own personal life experiences only the words of my mother ring true "Azha azha solluvakka tham manusha... sirikka sirikka pesumaam ooru". As of now, my mother is the truest genuinest well-wisher.

Her words are honestly for my own good, my improvement and evolution as an artiste, musician, a woman, a human being. She wouldn't hestitate to slap me across the face to drive a point if there were ever a day that it had to come to that. To her I am Chinmayi, her daughter and perennially, a student. To the world, I can be anyone. Based on individual and various perceptions. I can be held responsible for what I do, but I can't be held responsible for what someone thinks of me. They are responsible for their acts/opinions.

To some I might come across as someone who doesn't accept views, but to this day every comment on this blog is co-vetted by my mother. I know a lot of people get very uncomfortable with this fact. But in the Indian culture there is nothing wrong in this. I love this in the culture in my home. For those who have not been able to have this sort of a comfortable equation with their family/parents, yup, it will be difficult to digest. Hey, I have a great mom who is a friend. Many allow access of their personal accounts to friends, but don't trust family or parents in particular in some cases. It is sad. The family is usually the last to know about an issue. Friends are the first to know. Of course everyone's family set up is different so I shall abstain from commenting further. As I myself have said before, the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

Today there are more people who are envious of me that I have such a strong and capable mother as Mrs Padmhasini than for whatever meagre talent that I have.

I thank those who are kind enough to wish well for me. I thank those who criticize with genuine intent. I thank those who only wish ill for me too, because I derive joy from equipping myself, becoming more successful and going higher. They give me the proverbial fire in the belly. Thanks to them complacency has never crept up on me. There is always some challenge around the corner and I am grateful to God for that. I am grateful for my life, the opportunities, the composers' kindness because THEY are truly the ones who have kept me surviving as a playback singer.

And as for the post on criticism below, I'd like to clarify that I - as one of the so many million voices in this country and with the right to free speech as everyone else - disagree on then those who criticize with a malice. On those who don't know what it takes for someone to bring their work of art to the public. Of course no one wants to learn or know the other man's struggle. I criticize the one who just blabs and never attempts to learn the intricacies of the piece/work he criticizes. The one who is actually feigns expertise but honestly knows nothing. It is easy to talk. Tougher to walk the talk. Which is why in this country or, more so, in this world of so many billion people, only few are artistes. Creators. Only few have it in them to blaze new trails. Some follow them. Some criticize them. And the creators exist because God wills them to. And they'll exist despite anything and anyone.

And with that I end this post. Thank You for reading and God bless.

Just asking

2012-01-13T17:29:00.002+05:30

Does an artiste exist and prosper because of his talent/expertise in the art
or because of fans?

Would love to know your opinion just to see what common viewpoints are like.

Criticism and otherwise

2012-01-07T00:05:00.000+05:30

OK. Since there are some questions on this particular paragraph in the previous post and tweets that I have posted which might sound similar to this.

One of the things I feel is missing today, in this era of super-fast attempted comprehension and hence I believe what has actually been communicated in black and white is being happily misinterpreted. People are in a hurry to read, in a hurry to understand and in a hurry to interpreter in their own words. Not much reading. Not much reflection is happening. I realized I was speed reading and missing the point once in a while and realized I would read anything, be it a tweet or a newspaper when I can devote those minutes to reading the written word.

Now coming back to the paragraph that I started off about at the beginning of this post

"I ll tweet, maybe blog about issues closest to my heart, raise funds and spread word for causes. And might even go support Anna Hazare and sit on a fast. But that is all. If you are one to say, "Oh, if you can't change the system by joining it, don't complain". If you say that, Would you accept it if I say, for example, "Dont criticize a film or say that it is bad or a song is bad unless and until you can compose or come up with something better."

The question was "Would you accept it if I said you cannot criticize a film?" I didn't say don't criticize. I am nobody to tell anyone don't criticize. In the same vein, I would also say that it is in my purview to accept something as criticism or, to put it plainly, brush it aside as bullshitting and I think the sense of faux satisfaction that a layman turned 'critic' gets by just word-lashing someone in the name of 'constructive criticism'.

I am brought up to take criticism. In my entire life I have hardly heard even a fraction of the compliments or praise that the next contestant in a reality show today would have heard. I have been raised and now also proudly belong to a school of thought which believes a talented child should not be praised on the face and that it would lead to the child stagnating. (This is an entirely different topic - my mom is the right person to blog about this - And then I have the special talent of meandering here and there before I come to the point on most of my posts. So, if you are not new to my blog, you would probably smile and say 'yeah'. Or if you hate my guts, you'd curse me and read on anyway :p)

Now for this question of criticism and taking it.

I guess blogging and tweeting and everything else has opened the floodgates of brash expression, on a not so new platform. Everyone is proud of being outspoken, 'honest', straightforward and similes thereof. A lot of people are wannabe journalists. A lot of people are wannabe critics.

That said, I am also the person who sometimes has wondered about the expertise/scholarship of a present day critic even in a reputed newspaper. I wonder what they base their opinion on. Not of the truly learned critic of a different era.

I humbly believe that watching every film that releases and having an opinion does not make someone a critic. So here you may ask, OK Miss I-refuse-to-get-down-from-my-high-horses, what is your exalted opinion on what a critic should be?

I haven't defined the perfect critic yet. But I think they are someone who is as honest (what am I asking for?), free of personal bias (what am I asking for, again?), has to be an expert on the subject (IMHumbleOpinion) especially the third point if they are going all out to denounce someone or something and if they are, they must justify why they are doing it.If I were reading that piece it would definitely finally rest in my mind whether I accept the reasons or not. We are all judges of something or the other at various points in everyday life.

I have taken advise from the people who I know only want the best from me and of me. My mother always said, "azha azha solluva tham manusha, ooru sirikka sirikka paesum" I know that, I realize that too.

I know that the very same people who might compliment me today on the blog or on twitter or organically might actually believe a piece of crappy gossip, repeat it in various places and hold me guilty until innocent. The benefit of doubt will never exist for someone who is in the public eye. I even say that if anyone were to see me in an accident and bleeding on the road, I would probably bet one of my prized possessions that most even if they recognize me, would only drive past. Because who would want to go get caught up with the police and the hospital and the responsibility that comes with it? Someone might call the ambulance but thats all. Because ultimately, none really cares for anyone except the family (if you are lucky) or the ones that truly love you. Everyone else are passing clouds.

That doesn't mean I am not grateful for the love and people who wish me well from wherever they are. The good energy that comes my way or the people that genuinely pray for my well being.

But just looking at all this with a sense of detachment. Life remains a lone journey. Sometimes you might have people who might travel a certain distance with you but that's all there is to it.

As for why I don't talk about other music albums or films -

I don't even mention which movie I watch or which album I have heard these days because people ask me for my opinion. And most people don't want to accept it if I said I liked the album. Or a film. It is the age of sensationalism and people wanting to become news-makers (by making up news at times) and news-breakers. A good number of average tweeters and bloggers today wants to compete with no less than the NDTVs and CNNs of the world in 'Breaking News'.

I guess like everything that goes through growth, peaks and rattles or whatever and then settles, this obsession with wanting to share everything and wanting to opine on everything under the sun will soon hit a saturation point on the social media.

I don't think blogging is journalism. Just like how a diary cannot be called a book or a piece of literature. A weblog is a weblog is a weblog. Call it whatever. Host it wherever. It is a personal opinion. Some blogs might have research, might have supporting data for the veracity of the claims. But then, hey, if I change this opinion in the future and you see a post which might be contradictory to this, don't kill me. Man is supposed to learn, evolve and change.

I also find it absurd when people ask "You said this then, you changed your mind now" Or "this model said she wont act. Now she is acting". Or some such thing. So what? Is it the end of the world? Their life. Their choices. Their mind. They can maintain it, change it, not change it, whatever. And again, its their life :)

Coming back, even if I don't like something that has come from an artiste/book after having become involved in this industry, seeing how people struggle, how much a director or every technician goes through, anyone who has their heart in the right place would never criticize publicly. It doesn't mean artistes don't get negative comments or that people in the industry only keep praising each other. Na. On the contrary, I would daresay that most of the people that I have met in this business of films are happy enough to discuss what they liked/didn't like about each others' work of art over a cup of coffee or a phone call. Just that they don't let the general public know. And at the end of the day, everyone doesn't need to know everything. :) No? :)

And likewise, it makes perfect sense for me to just make a call/send an SMS or an email to someone if I had a problem with a certain thought. I definitely can let them know straight away instead of making a huge scene about it with total strangers. I somehow believe in the idea of praise in public and criticize in private.

P.S.: To those who might follow me on twitter and may even point out that a friend of mine is doing this or that, if I disagree with my friend, I ll do it in private. Never in public. And I ll never let a friend down in public. Loyalist that I am :)

A year that whooshed by

2012-01-02T03:47:00.003+05:30

It seems like yesterday that 2011 was born.

Being a part of the US/State Dept Global Women's mentoring partnership, meeting amazing women from all over the world, attending the Fortune MPW Summit, winning the Nandi award, singing some truly beautiful compositions, to learning so many essential lessons in a world that is changing every moment and every day.

I was surprised at winning the Nandi award for dubbing in Ye Maaya Chesave. Never in my life had I imagined that I would win an award for dubbing. But Ye Maaya Chesave was an amazing break for me in Telugu films.

Attending the mentorship program, meeting women in the list of the Fortune MPW, getting to listen to, speak to people who created, sustained or grew phenomenal organizations was an experience to cherish for a lifetime. My mentors Joan Amble and Denise Pickett remain in touch with me.

Launching the Chinmayi Sripada app was another thing I am proud of. An idea of Naveen Varadarajan to launch what he called the first celebrity app. It had 25,000 downloads in about 3 months. And was in the Top 25 within a week. With that I became the first musician to launch an app made for all iOS devices. The android app has been stuck for weeks. But then I guess it will release when it has to. And with that we ll release content specially made and exclusive to this app.

The year made me realize and learn a lot of mob tendencies which is highly rampant on a platform like Twitter. (And as a platform twitter does nothing to control abuse or trolls). It is truly an art to communicate effectively and succinctly in 140 characters. Its open to interpretation. And honestly, people want to understand only what they want understand. With pre-conceived notions. And a space where there are a lot of trolls and those who abuse. Especially against women. If I ever had the power to pass a bill for abuse against women especially on social network, I would raise all my hands and attach new hands too. More women are abused and blackmailed with the help of social media. More threatened. Maybe so are men. But if you are a parent and are reading this, don't run to ask your daughter/sons to delete accounts. Instead ask them to watch what they say and who they add. And the saying is perhaps true : Don't trust anyone that easily.

At a photoshoot, a photographer told me that perhaps 'celebrities' should remain aloof and not attempt to communicate or let their ideas be understood or come down to the social media. Because most don't want to understand. It made sense, but then I was perhaps one of the first few from the film industry to start blogging quite a while ago. My posts might have been sporadic. I have used this space to rant, reminisce, log random thoughts. I am not regretting this space or my interaction in the social media. But clearly, as I have learned, it is a double edged sword.

There are really no friends here. Everyone is of some sort of a utility value. Maybe that is true of life in general. And that is all there is to it. If you are lucky to have a good, supportive, positive family and a good set of friends, then you are exactly that. Lucky. Of course, the social media is used for good purposes too. To network, raise funds for charities, spread the word on causes and so much more.

A lot of times I have probably been vocative about various issues especially on twitter. And so many, have, in all their gullible glory, asked me if I am going to join politics. How many of us discuss the goings on over a cup of coffee? Or over lunch/dinner? A phone conversation? The social media, in this scenario, for me is an extension of that.

I was talking to a friend the other day who was saying that we are in an age where everyone believes he can be a leader. This, of course, can be a good thing in a way. We have had generations of young men and women who have been suppressed by various factors, society being the greatest of them all, in forcing hordes to take the beaten path.

Aeons ago, those who said the earth was round were burned on the stake. Women who had the gift of healing were labeled witches and burned on the stake. Women who were intelligent were again burned on the stake. If you were special, you had better keep quiet. The society and - to be blunt - the mediocre, average or low IQ people - forced you into being and becoming one of them. One wasn't allowed to be special. The politics of the corrupt minds and those in power has been as old as the stars.

Coming back, everyone thinks and believes he can be a leader. Why help someone else? A man who can be a great orator need not be a good leader or an administrator. Each one has a specific role to do. I draw the example of great singers, actors, writers, artistes of the pre-independence era who were active in the freedom movement. They propagated the message of freedom. They inspired men and women, girls and boys in every corner of the country to stand up and fight for the vision and dream of a free India. Various leaders arose. Many of them killed by the British. Each of their efforts was the proverbial drop of water in the pot.

One man survived as the leader of them all. It was destiny. India was free.

Today our country is in a sorry state. All of us, in all our capacities need to be speak and tell ourselves and everyone else to love our country truly and work to see, if the mammoth dream of a minimum-corruption India is possible amongst a lot of other things. I wonder if accountability would be the one cure, for starters. There are tons of issues to grapple with. India needs intelligent minds to handle so many sectors and areas. Micro management is more important than one central management.

I speak of things that I feel most about. My country is definitely one of them. Spreading the message of human trafficking is one of them. Keeping our roads and cities and town clean is one which I did as an RJ. Promoting the philanthropic spirit that our country was once famous for is one. An equal, non-discriminatory, caste-free society is one, for, no country that discriminates against its own people has been known to prosper. There are so many dreams that I have for myself too like anyone else.

But that is about it. This life is for me to be a singer, a life in pursuit of being a musician par excellence, maybe even a serial entrepreneur considering I started a couple of other ventures this year.

For example Javed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Lata Mangeshkar have all been nominated members of the RS. But would you or I call them politicians? Or artistes? I would safely say for myself and maybe for a good number of the readers of this post that they ll be artistes first. Forever. Lata ji produced movies, composed music, acted too. But she, forever, will be the nightingale. SPB sir sings, dubs, hosts, produces, composes, directs and whatnot, but he will forever be a legendary singer.

As much as my little sparrow sized brain can understand, being a politician means having have to stomach, swallow and bear a whole lot of insults plus putting your life at risk, never being able to trust anyone... the list is endless. More so for women. I admire the woman who has the guts and the nerves of steel to be in politics. And more importantly, the sharp intellect and having her wits about her all the time to outsmart tons of others with the sheer dint of intellect and brains. Ah the joy! :D

I ll tweet, maybe blog about issues closest to my heart, raise funds and spread word for causes. And might even go support Anna Hazare and sit on a fast. But that is all. If you are one to say, "Oh, if you can't change the system by joining it, don't complain". If you say that, Would you accept it if I say, for example, Dont criticize a film or say that it is bad or a song is bad unless and until you can compose or come up with something better.

There can only be a few leaders. If everyone becomes leaders who ll follow? Very few have the talent and the brains to run a street/city/council/state/country. Everyone cannot.

The very same friend said, if you have the pressing feeling to help the country, first start with yourself, then your family. If you have succeeded there, start with your extended family. Then your street. Your town/village. Then the city. Then the state. The country. The world. Most of us wont get past the first couple of points. Because there would be so much to do there itself.

And the thing is, once the first two in the list are have a tick mark next to them, there begins a domino effect. Everything will automatically change for the better.

Life has been good to me so far. A mixed bag yes. But predominantly good. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have emerged stronger. And I realize with each passing day, out of sheer comparison and by looking at the world around me with a clarity in vision that each passing day of experience gives me that my mother is definitely my greatest asset. She belongs to the category of king makers. Visionaries. I am not saying this because she is my mother. But because, I humbly state, that I am objective enough to look at her with the point of view of a third person. And I realize all the more that I am plain darn lucky.

To parents, keep a watch on your children. Explain, talk, converse with them and get them to understand. The world is becoming crazier. Make sure your kids/siblings are with in the right company. Know who your kids friends are and encourage them to meet at your home. Be doubly sure about who you/your kids/siblings marry. There are more psychopaths out there than you can imagine. Oh, but yes. the world is still a good place.

For couples with young kids teach them about the Good touch and the bad touch. Tell them to be brave enough to talk to you about an adult who touches them inappropriately. Whether you have a son or a daughter. A fair number of boys I have met have been abused by their own family members and have been afraid to talk about it. Unfortunately we are a country that victimizes the victim. (Note: If you can please read this book called Half The Sky)

May God bless you, be with you and if you come across difficult times, turn to God. No matter how angry you may be with anything. Scold God. Throw things at God. Do whatever. (I am saying this to myself as well). And yes, have faith. It definitely does move mountains. If you are an atheist, I don't know what to say... Umm.. May be ask for help and guidance from a greater force (coz lets face it, you - the atheist - cannot be the most powerful thing in the world :p) May you be healthy and happy.

May 2012 truly be the emergence of a whole new world and a time of beautiful times for the good. Tathaastu.

Wondering

2011-12-24T19:17:00.000+05:30

Why so many comments to the Lord Rama posts are anonymous. Just curious, is it about laziness of not leaving a name, even if it were fake, because you never know who is behind an ID these days, or is it only behind a curtain that people can speak their hearts and otherwise they dont have the guts to do so? Just asking. Not intended to hurt any of the commenters.

Ek Deewana Tha

2011-12-24T00:43:00.000+05:30

Here is the theatrical trailer and I am, once again the voice of Jessie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGMUoQYi4wg

However I have not sung in this film.
And with this I have spoken for Jessie in Tamil, Telugu and Hindi (A little bit of Malayalam as well)

Response to the comments on 'Questions....'

2011-12-19T13:53:00.000+05:30

The comments section was really expanding and hence I thought it would probably be better to post here. It was amazing to read the various comments and cements the notion that discussions of this nature cannot be trivialized on Twitter. Huge lesson learned this year.

To Mr Ramesh: I am not sure if I am that important a person that the youth in general would follow. However if that were true, I would prefer that youngsters make decisions based on rational thinking. As long as the questions are answered properly, and as long as the mind that questions is after knowing the truth or the relative truth as the case may be, is brought to a state of stillness then that would be the true democracy that Hinduism has also practiced through the ages. Sant Jnaneshwar, Ramanuja, Madhvacharya and Adi Shankara have all argued and debated about the scriptures at various intellectual congregations.

I would suggest that you read this book called 'Am I a Hindu'. And also suggest you read the ACK titles of the sants I have mentioned. You ll see people have always questioned. And the true seekers have always accepted new knowledge instead of being imprisoned by dogma.

Mr Srijith/Pavi/ Mr Trivedi/Mr Telkar: Loved your comment. Thank you

Suchi: Will read that book.

Anusuya: The operative word is 'cosmic' ocean as you have mentioned. If you can, do read this book called Am I a Hindu. It should answer a lot of the questions you have. I loved reading it.

My questions on Lord Rama

2011-12-17T19:28:00.000+05:30

Now before anyone pounces on me with pre-concceived notions, (based on reactions I have seen on Twitter) as being blasphemous, anti-Rama, Anti-Hindu or any such thing, here is a disclaimer, at the beginning. This is a post, voicing out questions that I have had, in the quest of finding the answer.

While I have the questions I am also aware that

- Our texts have been translated and interpreted in various ways by various people and Sanskrit (Valmiki Ramayana which is my point of reference here) being the complexly beautiful language that it is, a single statement could be interpreted in several ways, based on whatever little I have read in my short span of literacy and living.

- My questions may provoke arguments, incite anger, irritate or any other simile to that effect one may deem correct at the point of reading this post.

- The reader may be firing on all cylinders which may eventually lead to emotional outbursts on the comment section.

- I can be labeled Anti Hindu as said earlier

- People may say I hurt sentiments. To this I can only say that questions have almost always hurt someone or the other. But that has never deterred an inquisitive mind

- having been given the 'celebrity' tag, enough people tell me to measure my words a million times more. I always wondering a million times more than who? Because I am not meeting too many people organically or virtually who measure their words at all. If Twitter is anything to go by profanity, abuse and vulgarity is pretty rampant in the name of Freedom of Speech.

Anyway if I think up of anymore disclaimers I shall add that as a P.S.

Though the questions that you may see below are not something that have risen suddenly, I base these on the books that I have read. Amar Chitra Katha initally. Some other books and translations. By oral tradition as well which is one of the most important traditions of our culture. The Karna Parampara. Or rather I should say the Story of Ramayana. I confess I have not read the treatise in Sanskrit. If you have a suggestion on any work on the Ramayana I should readthat may state the reasons and the hidden meaning for various actions, given in English, please do let me know. I am happy to expand the horizons of my mind which I think, to the end of my days will always be limited in some way or the other. And my quest- among the other quests that I have - will be to bring down one limitation after another.

I happened to be dubbing for Sri RamaRajyam in Tamil for the character of Sita and as I dubbed I guess the questions I have always had kept bobbing up and I knew I had to blog about it. Sitting in Hyderabad after a pretty long session today and having some time on my hands, I figured I had deliberated enough before writing about it.

Sita seemed to have gone through only misery from the time she married into the Raghukula. More so Urmila, the wife of Lakshmana. But then I guess I will have to write about Urmila another day.

Coming back to Sita, after Rama, Lakshmana and her return to Ayodhya. After her Agni Pariksha which Rama thought was necessary to prove to the world that Sita was above blame and not for his sake, because he knew Sita was peerless. Rama becomes King. Sita is queen. Then comes the famous washerman who is said to have driven his own wife out of the house saying "I am not Rama to take back a wife who has lived in another's house".

Rama is informed of this and he decides, in the interest of the kingdom and his Dharma as a ruler first that he must banish Sita, who is with child, back to the forest.

Without delineating on the story further, since I assume, you the reader knows it, I have only these questions of Lord Rama. I dont mind it if He were to condescend and answer them to me in my dream or something (:p), so that I may understand. Or in any other way He may deem right which definitely does not involve suffering. (You know we must be careful what we ask of God or in the name of a wish, the problem sometimes that it will come true, as some famous quote says)

1. As a husband of Sita, who was peerless and blameless, the pativrata, he sent her to the forest again, without telling her what her crime was. She receives punishment, but he doesn't deem it necessary to tell her himself what has wrought this situation. Though there is an explanation that his heart would have broken if he had to break the news to Sita who was to become a mother, I can come to terms with this reasonably about him not informing Sita of the goings on.

2. Lakshmana is ordered to drop her in the forest. Just drop her and return. She is not invested in the care of any sage or an ashram. She is not entrusted in a safe haven. She is not even offered a decent dwelling to take care of herself or her unborn child/children. She is just left high and dry. She faints and then according to the legend, Sage Valmiki finds her and takes her to the hermitage where Luv and Kush are eventually born.

3. Rama, does not even attempt to find out if Sita is safe, whether his children are safe. Or if they are even born. But just deserts her because a washerman questioned her chastity, if that would be the right word to use here, since I cannot think of a safer word now.

4. Finally an exchange of arrows happens between Rama and Luv and Kush. Rama not knowing they are his sons. And Luv and Kush not knowing Rama is their father. Until Sita comes and stops the exchange of arrows. Rama is introduced to his sons but still refuses to take Sita back but is OK about taking his sons back. Question here is, if Sita were questioned, would the sons not be questioned too? Wouldnt some washerman ask about how Rama could declare one fine day that Luv and Kush are his sons? However I have no idea what happened after Sita decides she has had enough and returns to her mother Bhoomi Devi.

5. Even if not a husband, as a ruler, if he had to suddenly remove Sita from the status of the queen, did he not fail in his duty as a ruler to provide for a safe haven for his subject?

I made a mistake of asking these questions on Twitter and I have realized that Twitter is no space for serious conversations with rank strangers. But then I ll write about this in another post. Deserves it. Or at least I feel like writing about it, deserving or not :)

Is there a reason other than

1. Sita chose to suffer

2. Rama is the all-knower

3. Sita sacrificed

4. Rama sacrificed

5. You have to have faith and the answer will come to you.

and explanations to that effect? Is there a reason as to why Rama behaved in such an unjustified way?

I am questioning the human being that Sri Rama chose to be because he chose to suffer all that a human being would suffer in a lifetime. That's all. Vishnu is my favorite God. But then so is Shiva. I cant claim to know the creator Mr Brahma much. There isnt enough written about him except that he makes a special appearance in stories that concern Shiva and Vishnu or their progeny. But I like Shiva and Vishnu.

If you can give me an answer, or can point me to a book or a link that can give me the answer I would be happy. Please don't point to a godman though. That is one thing I am not interested in :)

Sincerely and humbly

Chinmayi

Another post with a title block

2011-12-03T23:37:00.006+05:30

I am invariably asked to sing at all the dubbing sessions. Recently its been chotta chotta/saarakathu.At the dub session today, the director asked me to sing Deivam thandha.., and he said you will always be the Deivam Thandha poo. And he said it moves him to tears each time. That's the genius of that composition. A lot of people asked how did you sing with such emotion/pain? I guess mom had gone through enough in life and I had watched it silently, that sadness was usually my default emotion. Nothing ever exhilarated me. Except maybe the first calls from Rahman sir's office.

I never understood why Rahman sir chose to give such an amazing composition of his to a 15 year old novice.When I recorded for Mr SJ Surya (If you wanna..) just before the session was to begin, he asked "What have you sung before?" and he gawked when I said Deivam thanda poove.. He asked YOU??!

He said he expected the singer to be at least in her 30-s. Not a teenager. People used to ask what did you think of during KMI. Nothing. I didn't think of anything. I didn't know about emoting for the mother in the film. I didn't know who I was singing for/situation for Kannathil Muthamittal. So yes, I knew nothing. And I guess I am glad I didn't know anything. Rahman sir knew how to make magic happen without saying much.

I was only concerned about singing well. I had no clue if my voice would be retained. Actually, even today when I record, I never know if my voice will be retained. People might change their mind. Which is why I dont talk about the film I have recorded for until it releases.

I am thankful and grateful to the grace God has shown to me/us (mom and I), the opportunities that composers gave me.However,if you think people will welcome you just because you are talented, please Know that it is otherwise. No one lays out the red carpet. People will make your life tough. Attempt to make your life a living hell. Succumbing or succeeding would be the only options. For me, how I succeed is imperative. At the end of my life, I know I'll be known for never bending in my values. That's how I can make mom proud. And myself.

The past few years of professional life have given me unparalleled experiences. The rosy path was probably 5/100th. (If that fraction is mathematically wrong, I am sorry, fractions were never my thing. For that matter.. maths wasnt my thing after 7th std. That was when my 100s started their downward journey :p )

In some film that I forget the title of, the elder lady of the house says "Response under pressure is the best judge of character" Today when people are trying to express themselves in 140 characters, I am wondering if I can judge them based on that or just watch the space. If someone could be judged that way, then a lot will fall into racial/sexual abuse category.

Yesterday I was listening to Mr N Ram of the Hindu and he happened to mention that a Gentleman from somewhere met him at his office and he added "I will not reveal who because I do not have his permission to do so". While I listened to Mr Ram, the more I felt that I am meeting less and less people who have their basic etiquette, ethics, values and more than anything else, their manners in place.

And today people are racing to be the first to say, I met him/her. S/he said this/that. Without even checking first. Many a time, I have admonished - and I use the word admonish, because that is exactly what I did - those who publish gossip. Or publish news about someone without verifying first. What is with this sudden wannabe I want to be a news-breaker disease that people are into? Is it the quest to feel important, if only for a few minutes?

Why are people not able to debate on issues without bringing up unnecessary and totally unrelated parameters today? My mom always told me that disagreement / fights are on issues and not with the person.

Recently someone told me that they didn't want to have children because the world is a terrible place to bring in a baby. And I understand where the thought is coming from. If you had to really look and observe the world seems to be disintegrating at a very rapid pace. Sooner or later, some like minded people might form groups and decide to be by themselves like in the 'Village'. Anything is possible.

However, though this post may have started somewhere and head somewhere else, it is just a random log of various thoughts that decided to present itself in my head.

A lot of times, in despair have I turned to my mother and asked why is it that God is using us for his entertainment? Everyone who seems to be on the opposite end of honesty and ethical seems to be doing so well.. and way better. But maybe, as I had blogged earlier on the same lines, I would not have been able to be any other way. But then I still ask God the same question. That he seems to be punish the just more than anyone else and that there has to be an end to this 'testing'. What else can one do anyway? And at times it is not even God. The question goes out to the Universe, to Whomsoever it may concern.

I guess I ll take a lifetime and the time after this lifetime to know for sure, why I was born this way. And was to have lived this way.

And, with my mom's blessings, it would have been a lifetime that spoke of unbending principles.

I shall look forward to my epitaph.

The believer

2011-11-24T00:43:00.000+05:30

Usually is someone optimistic. Or so I think. Has hope. Someone who believes in the nicer side of things. The truer side of things. Or people. But more often than not the believer is the one who gets sorely tested. Till he is, well, quite sore.

The ones who care zilch for things like values or ethics seem to have easier, less testy times. Actually none at all. But then that is a third person's opinion. I would never know what someone goes through.

But more often than not, if I scream out to God it is asking whither fairness? Whither justice? And how much longer will it be before the 'deivam ninru kollum' happens?

The only time I probably forget is when I sing my heart out. And I did so in Cochin and I am grateful for that experience. My mom was happy with what I sang and that happens very rarely. She is not one to compliment.

Trials tribulations and sometimes just excreta happens. And that, I figured is my life.

Attending the Fortune MPW summit

2011-10-10T08:01:00.001+05:30

Was an amazing experience. I met Joan after my mentoring program during this summit though we have been in touch throughout. I have no idea when I ll see her again but hanging out with her and meeting all the amazing ladies I did was super duper.

One of the first ladies I met was Baroness Goudie, House of Lords. I guess I was slightly awed to meet her but she was so friendly. She said she had been to Chennai a few times. Also met Jami Miscik, now Vice Chairman, Kissinger Associates but was Deputy Director of Intelligence, CIA. Listening to her talk to my mentor and me over dinner was one of the best conversations I have even been part of in my life. And for all her accomplishments, she was simple and extremely humble. I would definitely expect someone of her rank back here to throw her weight around. Her simplicity humbled me. And she said in 2020 the things world leaders will be worried about would be water. Maybe like Shekhar Kapur says, if there is a world war, it would be for water. And it would be used a weapon to create social disparity. As if India is already equal. But the thought is scary.

This was the dinner before the summit where I also had a chance to listen to Rosanne Cash. Honestly, that was first time I had heard of her. The two days of the summit passed in a flurry of meeting people, amazing interviews and listening to some of the best opinions. Amongst the breakfast roundtables I attended, the one I liked the most was "Building a movement" by Catherine Coughlin of AT&T and Elizabeth Gore of the UN Foundation. Was amazing listening to the movements they started and the movements they have come across.

Of all the speakers I heard in the summit I thought Indra Nooyi was extremely articulate and I loved the way she was so poised, the way she conveyed her thoughts with clarity and assertiveness. With a ring of honesty. No pish-toosh. No lah-di-dah. Met her after her speech and said hello. Took a picture. Perhaps the first time I went to someone I didn't know and ask for a picture.

Rosie O Donnell was a moderator for one of the discussions and she had the audience in splits throughout. I felt the audience visibly lighten up after her session. Loved listening to Glenn Close and there was a super short teaser of her upcoming film where she plays a man, was screened. She acted out how her character was afraid to look people in the eye, right there on stage. And it was amazing how she just transformed in that split second.

I loved Chelsea Handler's attitude, the way she spoke about her team and her productions. Loved listening to Tyra Banks and about her journey from being a super model to studying at Harvard and creating Bankable.

Somaly Lam, was successful in not breaking down on stage as she was being interviewed by the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg. She got the first standing ovation of the summit. Read more about her extraordinary story and how she is saving girls from sexual slavery and human trafficking here. If you can donate to her foundation, even better. Her daughter was kidnapped by people who thought this would stop her from continuing on her mission. Her daughter came back to her, telling her to continue. She reminds me of Anuradha Koirala of Maithi Nepal. Women like these are beyond extraordinary and courageous. Shame on the those men for whom this industry runs. And the women who help run it killing girls and women emotionally and physically.

Listening to Regina Dugan the first woman chief of DARPA was superb too. The presentation she put together especially the ones across history who were the naysayers like Ken Olson "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home" or Sir William Preece "The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys" or "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." was highlighted in her presentation. Throughout time there have been enough and more people who said "That is not possible" or "That cannot be done" and precisely as someone said, the person who says it cannot be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.

Attending the summit once again gave me a new vision. Gave me new ideas. More than anything else, it seems like when women head an organization, there is so much more heart in the way they are run.

And before I forget, it was fun listening to Warren Buffet too. And to hear his thoughts on why it is fair that the rich in America should pay more taxes.

Some other observations (some unconnected to the summit):

1. LA, I hear is a very Vegan/vegetarian place. The food they served us during the summit was 90% vegetarian. I love the way the US (or at least the places/restaurants/offices I have visited in the US is sensitive to food preferences. No jeering no teasing as I have noticed all the time here. But then that insensitivity warrants a totally new blog post.

2. I have a feeling too much water is being wasted in bathrooms/restrooms in the US. Perhaps that can be better managed. On a different note, the Ritz Carlton and St Regis at Laguna Niguel are amazing places to stay. And no I am not being paid for this. I just loved the hotels.

3. If I heard right, (correct me if this is not true) there was no rain water harvesting in LA. Which I thought was sad.

So much needs to be done in the world and for the world. But I think with the kind of women and men committed to change, the world might be a better place in the future.

And finally when I thanked Joan for the opportunity and said I have no idea how I can pay you back, she said one thing which I knew she would say - "Pay it forward" :)

The Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit

2011-09-27T08:53:00.000+05:30

In LA this year between October 3-5 and as a mentee of Joan Amble and Denise Pickett of American Express (FORTUNE/US State Dept Global Women's Mentoring Partnership 2011) I get to attend this amazing event.

The event this year looks truly stunning and to be attending this event is a matter of great pride and honour for me. The support of Joan and Denise has continued long after the mentoring program was over and I am humbled by the commitment these ladies show.

Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo, Ellen Kullman of DuPont, Pat Woertz of ADM, and Anne Lauvergeon of AREVA, Ginni Rometty of IBM, Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook and Arianna Huffington of The Huffington Post Media Group. Also confirmed are Human Rights Advocate Somaly Mam, Singer-Songwriter and Author Rosanne Cash, Talk Show Host and Author Chelsea Handler, Dr. Nancy Snyderman of NBC News, and Meredith Whitney of Meredith Whitney Advisory Group LLC —plus Warren Buffett, are just some of the people who would be attending the event.

I should be live-tweeting the event and also blogging about it as and when possible.

Looking forward to this is totally understating it.

2011-09-16T22:48:00.000+05:30

Its amazing how attached one can become to their pet. And within such a short span of time. I miss Joey terribly and wait to see him whenever I come back from work. So much so that I have begun blogging about him :)

Its beautiful to have him sleep off on my shoulder sometimes, or on my hands. That's what he does most of the day. The remaining time he pees and poops. And then he chews on whatever can find. My ankles and toes and whosoever else's he can find as of now.

I love him to bits and this birthday was definitely the most special of all because Joey came home. Was telling a friend that I miss Joe and he said that's the best and worst part of having a pet.

Joey is now part of my family. I think he'd be way better than those who actually are supposed to be my kith and kin! :p

Joey!!!

2011-09-14T23:28:00.000+05:30

Tooooo much thought went into naming the birthday puppy and now we have named him Joey. Kinda rhymes with Chewy because thats what he does all day. Chew. Other than sleep of course.
He is amazing. Super cute and adorable.

And that is Joey for you :) Say Hello!!

Quite a day

2011-09-11T00:43:00.000+05:30

Yes, I know. I am more actively tweeting than blogging. But at times the 140 character limit at a time doesn't help verbose expressions. So here we come back again to good old blogging.

Its been an interesting day recording for Dheva sir. Originally went into sing one song. But he ended up asking me to sing one more. One duet was with a newcomer called Aditya Ram and the other with the veteran SPB sir. The only other time I sang a duet with SPB sir was again for a film that Dheva sir composed for, several years ago. Which was again a Brother-Sister sort of a song. There must be something there :)

A few months ago, people closest to me knew that I was lamenting for a puppy. Like really, really lamenting. I want a puppy. I want a puppy. My mother had heard enough. And then finally I gave up. Because I couldn't find one that I liked. Even though I had visited a few people. Thought it was not written. And then a friend landed up at my home this morning with a basket. I was just waking up from a really strange and partly scary dream, which later, according to experts was a good thing after all to have a dream like that. So when I saw a basket with a furry thing that moved inside, I screamed. And my friend was weirded out. And then it hit me that I had a puppy on my hands. It was all a blur. Bathed it, fed it, went to office, left it with mom and went to the recording.

Once back I finally caught up on sleep that has been in serious short supply for days, if not weeks. I have been dubbing non stop. Recording songs was difficult as after the bout of a viral fever my singing voice took quite a while to get to form. And my first recording after almost 25 days happened 4-5 days ago.

And then the Mirchi Music Awards was slated to happen today and happen it did. I was nominated for the Best Female Playback singer. Didn't think any award will happen to me, and thought this pattern of not winning an award for an AR song will continue (of course barring the TN State Govt award, no other awards had happened right from Kannathil Muthamittal to Kilimanjaro). And interestingly looks like the jinx was broken, if there was a jinx. I always felt sad that I could never hold an award in my hands and thank Rahman sir for the song and the award. State Govt Ceremonies don't give opportunities for Thank-You speeches. So yes, I still haven't held an award for an AR song and given a thank-you speech. Someday.

Also, on the other hand, I have been doing a lot of things. Working on starting a culinary venture. But want to have be a socially conscious initiative. So the background work is taking time. Also we have been getting a lot of genuine advice on red tape especially in this kind of a venture. And how much if such red tape is not encouraged, how a carefully built reputation will be ruined :) Yes it might sound filmi but apparently it does happen.

Mom's life and mine has been an example, that we have never been asked to pay a bribe anywhere. I have been a known face only the past 6-7 years. I have never seen mom talk about anything like that. And I am sure this will continue even in my case. There is only one way to lead our lives and that was decided ages ago. If it doesn't happen the straightforward way, I'd rather let go of the idea.

Also launched the Blue Elephant Record Company today and that was basically because Dharan, Madhan Karky and I are working on an album. Have been talking to Karky for a pretty long while and Dharan as well. We should be ready with our single soon. After all, that's what we Dakshaa LLC and I launched the iOS app for.

As for the app the Android version is getting tested and the little chinks and nicks in the iOS version will also be rectified in the update.

Until then this is Chinmayi signing off :)

From today - The Chinmayi App

2011-08-08T22:43:00.001+05:30

The first iOS app by a musician across all iOS devices and also the first female singer in India to have an iOS App. The android version will also release soon.

I had known the brain behind Dakshaa LLC, Naveen, virtually for a while and he is a serial entrepreneur. When I was in the US for the Fortune/ US State Dept mentoring program he told me to release an app. I, of course was apprehensive, wondering who would want to see an app released by me. He was good at convincing me and he is, as I see today from the response I am getting from the Press and Twitter, quite right.

This will be an interactive App from the next update which will come in 3 weeks and this will also be the platform where I will release my own music or the result of any collaborations I am working on now. This app will also feature exclusive video content in the future.

I guess this is enough said for now. I have been getting a lot of reviews and inputs from those who have downloaded it reading my tweets and I understand there are some who read my blog that also read my tweets. :)

So yes, this is the beginning of a lot of things to come :)

Here is a preview of the app

Nandi award

2011-08-05T20:16:00.001+05:30

Announced today for my dubbing in Ye Maaya Chesave.

I had never thought of dubbing before SOK. And never thought I ll get an award either for my first film in Telugu.

This journey, too started from Rahman sir's studio when the studio engineer Karthik called me to test for Sillunu Oru Kadhal. I, in my opinion, had a very un-girly, un-sing-song voice. I was just the normal voice. Somehow Director Krishna decided this is the voice he wants for Bhumika Chawla and I am now 22 films old for dubbing in about 5 years. I continue to be surprised with this though. This was never something I planned. But then I wasnt planning for Blue Elephant since I was a child either.

But I can tell you that this path was not easy. And I also said I didn't want to be doing this at some point because some things were becoming too difficult to handle. I faced a lot of resistance. Not to mention a lot of envy. However, destiny took over. Things changed. And I am grateful for the opportunities.

Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya and Ye Maaya Chesave are definitely one of the best films in my dubbing career. I love working with Gautham sir. Learned a lot of things from him. Especially subtlety in dubbing.

Before Vaaranam Ayiram I was just plain scared of GVM. Had never been introduced to him before this film and I was always intimidated and iced out by him. But I am super thankful that he chose me to be the voice of Sameera Reddy despite everything. And then the voice of Jessi.

Had a great time dubbing this film at 7th Channel Studios as I had probably mentioned earlier and a major thanks goes to Mahesh Anna at 7th Channel for making me sound so good. Samantha was one of the first people to call me once the film released to say that people loved my voice. Love her sense of security and her heart to compliment in private and in public.Super happy for her that she got the jury award for YMC. Gautham sir won for best screenplay writer.

Hope I win one for singing as well though.. some day.

For this Nandi Award, a big thank you to Gautham Vasudev Menon, Mahesh anna, the Jury, the one-of-a-kind-film-fans of Andhra Pradesh and team VTV. YMC/VTV will always be super special.

Other awardees - entire list here

A lesson - well learnt

2011-08-04T22:40:00.001+05:30

So many times have I received mails that ask about issues that I have faced with BE.

So here goes..

By agreeing to get some work done for a friend on the basis of an oral agreement. And then they refused to pay. Let go of the friend thereafter.

Two Malayalam linguists - A and A who showed us that sometimes its better to not trust the work of linguists on face value and always, always double check quality of work and references.

Linguists in India have a basic issue. Of not respecting deadlines. I have almost always faced that. Closer to the deadline - the hard disk will fail. Computers will crash. Accidents will happen. Transformers will burst. And an uncle will die.

I heard the very same Uncle was serious in hospital twice from the same linguist. Poor uncle, he must be really accident prone. :)

Even worse they will never take phone calls. This was a very early lesson we learned and the basic reason why we chose to work with native speakers of all the foreign languages that we work in. As for Indian languages, I eventually go to know lyricists who agreed to translate for me. Thank God for them. But yes, we did slip in the case of A & A. And decided never to work with them anymore.

In other cases, I have met people who considered themselves our competition that they took things so seriously which gave me a crash course on how unethical business 'veterans' are. The things they do. The things that get done. We decided we'd rather not work with clients who don't respect values or ethics. In the bargain, we might have let go of some great names on our dossier, but I'd rather let our company be a reflection of who I am in ethics and values than be an also ran.

I learn something every time. But more than anything else, a few years down the line, Blue Elephant will be known for values, ethics and the translated words that have gone out from our office to all over the world, helping businesses that work with us, to reach their goals and effectively communicate to the people they want to speak to.

Experience - The Feel of India

2011-08-04T14:47:00.000+05:30

Don't know how I missed this album.
Its a wonderful album that I was a part of and got to sing an Abhang and a line in Raghupathi Raaghav.
Please listen and do buy the album if you like it.
It was composed by the very talented guy called Gopalakrishan

http://music.napster.com/shankar-mahadevan-music/album/experience-the-feel-of-india---indian-classical-fusion-%5Balbum%5D/14368894

Rock the Tabla - Cairo to India

2011-08-02T21:26:00.002+05:30

Rahman sir told me to sing in a track for a collaboration that he was doing with the very famous Egyptian Composer Hossam Ramzy, many moons ago. And though it may be strange I got to know via a tweet that the album is set to release and Cairo to India carries my name in the credits.

To be credited in an ARR collaboration is humbling for me. And a reaffirmation of what my mom has been putting into my singing and helping me grow as a musician and an artiste. The gratitude to Rahman sir keeps piling up though. There have been days when tears have flown freely due to various reasons. Anger has been one of them. Frustration another. Sadness yet another with regard to my career.

But if there has been one person who has believed in me for whatever 2 pence I was worth, it has been Rahman sir. From the day of the recording of Dheivam Thandha Poove during my board exams to now, almost a decade has passed. But when I enter the studios today, I am still the child that I was. Time and again have I said, that he was our beacon of hope at the end of a dark tunnel, a ray of hope to a harassed single mom. And a girl who also had begun to question what's the point of living an honest life? Not to mention that the question hadnt been raised more in the recent past but the thing is I have been cast in a way. The die was made in a certain way. The mould cannot change neither can the impression.

More than anything else, I live my life today, in gratitude for the food on my plate. All thanks to that first song that Rahman sir gave and continued to, when it was the era of the kuthu songs, when no one thought it was 'right' to make me sing a Kuthu song. Kept a wilting creeper alive through all those days.

Angels do walk the earth. The maseeha I know is Rahman 'anna'. The way I called him the very first time I entered his studio and he chuckled at that naive 15 year old.

There is nothing that someone like me can give back to him or his family except wish and pray with all our hearts, like millions of his fans, that he be healthy and spiritually protected.

And today I send my thanks to the God above for giving us hope in life.

And if you are at this point where a lot of things seem hopeless, I wish for you that you may find the hope that I eventually did. My mom waited almost 50 years for that. I waited a mere 14.

Eventually there is light at the end of the tunnel.

2011-07-18T22:47:00.006+05:30

It is white.
White as snow.
White as nothingness
White as the burst of light behind closed eyes
White as hunger
White as desperation
White as thirst
White as the soul
White as heat
White as the clenched knuckle
White as the shroud
White as the heart that grieves
White as a prayer
White as salt
White as the teardrop.
It is white.

Malar Manjariyil - Composed by Sri Ousephachan

2011-07-10T17:50:00.002+05:30

I refer to this post on the 13th September 2010. At that time I mentioned that I had a divine time recording for this composer. And the composer I was referring to was Sri Ousephachan. I recorded this song on my birthday and the experience is captured in that post. Figured I don't have to add to that.

This is the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zomhZnLbOTU

For the Film Karmayogi and here the duet version with Ranjith.

Sara Sara Saarakaathu

2011-07-02T23:16:00.002+05:30

I got an opportunity to sing Vairamuthu sir's lyrics after quite a while and this time, for the debutant M Ghibran whom I have known with another name all these years. Think its better not to state his erstwhile name so that there are no confusions. I have been singing quite a few jingles for him and he used to be studying abroad, come here, compose and go back.

I was very happy to know he got a break with Sargunam's film - Vaagai Sooda vaa. And more than anything else this was a deadly song. Super lyrics to say the least. I had a ball while working on this song. A song like this doesn't come to me all the while and am super glad that Ghibran chose me to sing this one.

And I wonder how a poet, a man, is able to suss out what a girl could feel at a given point in time and write lyrics. And maybe for the first time I heard Modaiketthan, a type of a keerai in a song. I know this one, and the director was surprised I did, when I recognized this one and giggled. Modaiketthan was a regular in my home when my grandad was around. He used to say its excellent for the joints. Especially if you had knee problems or maybe even back problems. Not too sure now if it was either or both. Modaiketthan Rasam vechu madakkathaan paakkuraen.. What lyrics. Kick everything :p

Ghibran is on Twitter @MGhibran. Do let him know if you liked the song and the album.

2011-06-12T21:31:00.000+05:30

To everyone who commented to the post below, with all my being - Thank you.

If by God's grace I reach the goal I have set out to achieve, I know your sentiments and blessings would have played a part in taking me there.

Thank you.

Yours Truly.

"The Best Advice I ever Got"

2011-06-12T15:46:00.003+05:30

When I was in New York my mentor, Joan Amble made sure that I got to go to a WNBA Inspiring Women's Luncheon. One of the best I had ever attended. Katie Couric was being awarded the Most Inspiring Woman award. In spite of the West claiming to be so progressive, or at least the US, in their 300 years of independence they have not had one woman as President. In India's independent 60 years we had our first woman PM 30 years ago. We have had various women leaders in the Govt. I understood why women's liberation was necessary in the west. Women still earn way less to the dollar compared to men there. Though India is still work in progress on several counts, women have rapidly come up the ladder.

Listening to Katie Couric on that day, the first solo female anchor of a weekday evening news program on one of the three traditional U.S. broadcast networks, was an inspiration. I had a gist of the challenges she had to face. Those who went to the luncheon that day got her latest book - The Best Advice I ever Got - Lessons from Extraordinary Lives)

I get to read her input at the beginning of every new section and its almost as if everything is speaking to me. A lot of singers, musicians, songwriters, actors, head honchos, billionaires and the who's who that contributed to Katie Couric's book have excellent messages to share.

At various points we think those who are successful have it easy. Or that they got there easily. But let me tell you, even those born with the proverbial silver spoon need to work their seats off to maintain the silver spoon. Only if they are smart enough, they ll turn it to gold.

Today I get messages on Facebook that curse me anything ranging from a horrible accident to death to I will have a miserable life or anything on those lines, just because I don't accept a friend request. And this usually comes only from men. Sorry if it comes across as sexist, but I have to say it as is. No woman has cursed me because I didn't accept a friend request. Others think its OK to be profane on Twitter to a celebrity. And again this is men. I sometimes worry what sort of fathers these guys will make. So many spew venom at my mother because they know she's the reason why I got here and will go where I want to go. I get a range of other emails too but its unnecessary to talk about them and the really weird people behind those any further.

As a female singer, I face several challenges that I have to overcome with the able guidance of my mother. Not alone, thankfully. I am not going to be spelling them out. But I know the path I need to take to get to my goals. It might be a tad slower than most others, but if God is kind enough and if I have divine grace I might actually get there.

Several men and women have had to go through terrible times, poverty, hunger, malpropagation and even worse experiences and finally end up triumphing. But someday I hope to stand as an example that someone who took the straightforward, righteous path can be at the pinnacle of success too.

2011-05-29T14:44:00.000+05:30

Who do you want to be today? What's in your mind when you start the day? What's your first thought?

Do you go through the day keeping your eyes open? Seeing, looking and observing? Hearing listening and registering? What is the last thought in your mind when you end the day? Do you think that there is more to life and living?

As we grow ad observe the life that happens around us, we come to realize that there are not too many absolute truths or absolute lies. Things are not black or white and that they are mostly gray. And perhaps we derive clarity depending on how dark or light the shade of gray is.

But there might be times, if we listen, will reveal to us the truths we want to live by. And we being wired the way we are - which is usually, to follow the pack because it is the safest thing to do, wondering if our near and dear and even the not so dear would approve - decide to ignore these insights. And thus let the magic slip right between our fingers.

After a point, like the wise say, these magical opportunities decide to find a better medium of expression, reveal themselves to those that will work on them and manifest them into reality. Someone once told me that ideas float around in clouds. And though several may see them, some might identify them, only one or two might actually have the guts to work on these ideas and bring them to the fore. Who is the first mover, is the million dollar question. How many times have we heard some people say, 'Yep, I had the very same idea"?

During my mentorship program, I was mostly listening and observing. Every cell in me listened, observed and learned. Thank God for that opportunity. A lot of my talented co mentees in the program who came from Libya, Egypt and Palestine had to speak about the turbulence in their countries to most people, they were constantly asked questions because everyone was interested to know what a 'real' person said, to see how different it is from what the media was feeding them.I met truly inspirational people at various events like the WNBA Luncheon, or a Fortune Most Powerful Women gathering, or at the board room of American Express at the WFC, or the cabins of the various women who had given me time from their super hectic schedules to talk to me, understand who I was and how they could help me, Joan Amble and Denise Pickett, my mentors from AMEX and AMEX Open, I have come to know even better that opportunities present themselves to us each day. It truly and really depends only on us on how we want to make it work, if at all. Possibilities are endless. And this entire trip reinforced the belief what my mom inculcated in me, to be genuine, honest, no bull-crapping and to be closest to the truth as absolute as it seems to me.

Even though the experiences and life in general might lead us to question and even decide against such a path, which is definitely difficult, but its all well worth it. Insofar as the life I have seen so far, I have had my own share of experiences, some of which I wish you the reader dont ever have to go through. Even more so for the ones that my mother had to face.

Inspite of what everyone may or may not tell you, this life is yours. You can be all that you want to be. Everything you want to be. We are at most time, everything that others want us to be, isnt it? So its not really beyond us to not be all that we want to be.

Grab every opportunity. It doesnt matter if you didnt succeed. And then again, the definition of success is very fluid and is not set in stone. The dictionary's first result of success is : "the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors".

So there you go. Give your own personal definition to success. Or just dont define it at all. May it rise beyond definitions.

Most of the time, my mother and I were advised a lot of things. The ones closest in my memory given to me - "Don't talk. Dont host a TV Show. Dont host a radio show. Thats too much talking for a singer. Dont blog. Dont tweet. Dont be accessible to people. Make yourself rare. Behave like a celebrity. Put up your price. Dont do dubbing. Concentrate only on music. Dont think about Blue Elephant and sell the company. Quit Business. Get off Facebook. Stop tweeting...." Tired? I usually hear stuff like this on a daily basis. Sometimes I do think that being simple and humble got me nowhere and it did lead to a lot of people taking undue advantages. I did my duty. But they didn't do theirs. Anyway, I cannot change from my core values.

Mom had the wisdom and courage to decide against all of that. The question I hear the most " How do you manage your time.. you are doing soo much??!" Honestly the one answer I can give - my mom. She has, without spelling it out, let me be everything I wanted to be. And more. Her insights and her unshakeable guidance is why I am here today. And will be all that I want to be in the future as well. Everything which will be firmly rooted in the ethics and the truth I have grown up with.

So... who do you want to be today? And how do you want to get there?

Day 2 in Corporate America

2011-05-10T00:17:00.001+05:30

So here I am sitting at the 30th floor at the World Financial Center, AMEX office.

I have been meeting amazing women and a couple of men too, who are nothing less than hugely inspirational. One of the things I really liked was this conversation with Mr Ira Galtman, Corporate Archivist of the American Express Company. And as I walked into office today, I saw this book "Becoming American Express". This is a company with quite a rich history. And as Mr Ira said, there are not too many companies who can claim to be in business for over 160 years.

One of the best events on Day 1 at Amex was the lunch with Joan Amble, my mentor, at the 50th floor which has this most amazing view of New York. And as the gentleman who served us our lunch told me, he would whip something up "fit for a queen". You bet I felt like royalty that day.

Walking across, meeting various people who are leaders in this company and the community that they affect, its been enlightening.

Its true when they say you learn a lot when you travel. And you probably learn a lot more when you talk to people.

Sitting in India, we have this glorified view of women in western countries that they have it all figured out, all worked out and everything is easy as, to us, thousands of miles away, the west is made of so many progressive countries. But for the first time, I have come to know of the challenges that women here face. How the women here are forced to leave illustrious and promising careers just to save their marriages and take care of children. And when, unfortunately the man, during a mid-life crises or whatever one might want to call it, leaves her for the cliched younger woman, she is left without the man that she believed would lead her remaining life with, without a career and basically with little direction about where to head in the future.

I hear, its quite rare, but not impossible, to have an American husband supportive of his wife's thriving career. Many talented women have left the workforce because the men have told them to. And they just decided to do it that way, inspite of the void they feel. Or they simply take the highway.

In comparison, I am beginning to think that men in India don't seem to have so much of a problem with their working women - women have been in the fields along with the men (and I mean the agricultural field), girls outperform boys each year at school exams (I am not sure about what happens at university) and unless of course, the women starts making more than her husband or is in a higher position than him, there isn't too much of a problem.

We had a woman Prime Minister about 30 years ago, which most nations cannot claim. And some nations aren't even getting close to that. Its true that I have mostly met only women achievers so far. And their journeys are incredible.

I just heard a speech (It's a Jungle Gym Out There) of my mentor, Joan, at UCLA and she ended that with "Success comes from knowing that you did your best, to become the best".

And of the many things I will take back from these amazing women and this amazing lady who is now my mentor, this is something I am going to paste on my wall.

Listen to her speech here and I wish for you that you be able to learn a bit of what I am learning with her right here, at Amex.

Week 2 - New York

2011-05-06T07:51:00.000+05:30

I have probably not had a week this hectic in recent times. With everything planned to the last minute and the last detail.

Learned a lot about how events are organized. Events or entertaining , as such in India is nowhere close to any of what happens here. In spite of the kind of people I have met and who they are.... some of them are on the Fortune Most Powerful List.. but they come on time. They respect other people's time. While in India, there is an ongoing battle with everyone to do anything on time. Forget award ceremonies, thats too much to ask for in India I guess, but I still do not understand why most channels cannot start their shoots on time. Anyway. Cannot but help compare it with what we are used to.

On the other hand, our mobile phone services are better. There are just way too many dropped calls here. Domestic flights are way better. And in a way I think we Indians are comparatively more polite and nicer on the services side and are willing to help or assist.

Also, talking to the other mentees who are a part of this program has been quite an illuminating experience on cultures, thought processes, people and their perceptions. And also, no matter where women are, which country, which culture, we can all connect instantly. And I guess it makes sense to have more women as policy makers and in politics. I somehow believe the world will be a better place that way.

I have also been meeting mostly women the past few days who are key decision makers, high level policy advisors ( We met the Policy Advisor to the First Lady at the White House), women who are campaigning for change and yes this country needs a lot of work too. A lot of us outside of America think this place is perfect, but not quite. I met Michela English over lunch yesterday and was totally amazed by her work and the facts she showed us. http://www.fightforchildren.org/ is the President and CEO of this organization. You might want to take a look and I learned so much from her in those two hours.

Other observations -

Washington is way smaller than I imagined. Most roads are single lane in the city

Roads in Chennai seem wider :)

Traffic is held up here as well when an important politician passes. We were held up for about 10-15 minutes in DC. So maybe we in India should not complain. It happens in developed countries too :)

Amazing subway system and the officers at the Information desk at the subway are super helpful.

And meeting so many women and actual doers in politics I wonder how much longer before it all happens in India. And I wonder how much longer we will have excuses. How much longer the really educated and visionary enter politics. How much longer......

Week 1 - Washington DC

2011-05-02T18:52:00.001+05:30

I realized I wouldn't have much time to look aroundWashington, which seems smaller than how it is made to look on the screen. Decided to visit the Smithsonian and look around a bit before coming back for the welcoming dinner organized for us. And I finally met all the other mentees yesterday over dinner and also Chris Miner, Managing Director at the US Department of State.

The CEO of Vital Voices addressed us telling us we got here after a really competitive selection process. I have the embassy in Chennai to thank for this. All this seems bigger than I imagined. Meeting women from Egypt, Pakistan, China, South Africa, Ghaza..Most of us are still learning to say each other's names correctly :)

Talking of names, my last name is being pronounced in the most interesting ways here.

Today we head to Panel Discussions at the US State Department and the White House.

I thought, some day I would be performing at these places sooner or later but never imagined to be part of panel discussions with some of the most powerful women in the US State Dept .. ever. My Blue Elephant is quite a lucky vehicle :)

Listening to the women at the introductory dinner, their challenges, how they have grown to be who they are, their dreams for the future, was more a time of bonding than just mere introduction. Vital Voices has an interesting thought of "Invest in Women Improve the World" and I cannot agree more. Every lady who has been selected as a part of this mentoring partnership somehow made a silent pledge to just not help each other but also each others' communities. The world is as small or as big as we want it to be.

Another milestone

2011-04-21T22:33:00.000+05:30

One that I did not hope to reach let alone cross.

I am among 3 women selected from India and 35 women from all over the world  who will participate in the prestigious FORTUNE/U.S. State Department  Global Women’s Mentoring Partnership Program this May. 

I am being mentored by two amazing ladies at American Express and American Express Open. 

I was nominated for this program 2 days after I was awarded the SAARC Women Entrepreneur Council award for achievement in a niche industry. When I filled in the nomination papers I wasnt too hopeful on getting through and when I knew, more than a month and a half ago that I had, I was surprised and didn't know what hit me.

Only those closest to me knew about the goings on. I was also insistent on following protocol and the US Consulate in Chennai was kind enough to organize a press meet in their premises to announce that they are sending me for this very prestigious program which would last all of May.

I saw the agenda and the plans that have made for me and all the other 30 women from all over the world. I can only gape. 

This is most definitely a brilliant opportunity and I only have God to thank for the grace. 

"The Fortune/U.S. State Department Global Women’s Mentoring Partnership connects talented, emerging women leaders from all over the world with members of Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Leaders for a month-long internship program.
The program begins with an orientation in Washington, D.C., where mentees meet with senior women leaders in government, business, academic, civil society and the media. Participants are then paired with one of Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Leaders from companies like Time Inc., Google, Inc., and Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. in cities across the United States. At the end of the mentorship, mentees reconvene in New York City to collectively reflect on their experience and discuss future leadership opportunities"

I am going to be on a learning spree, from other mentees, the people that I would meet and more than anything else, my mentors who I already spoke to yesterday. Two really amazing ladies and I cant wait to meet them and learn from them.

If you are in India and know of a woman who you think can be nominated for this program, contact the consulate in your city. There are several other programs for writers, artists, political leaders, to name a few.

More than anything else, I gaped to read the names that have been on this program from India before. I am one of the three from India and the first to go from Chennai.

Hoping all this would lead to a lot more women coming to know of this program and get such opportunities too.

Pictures from the press meet yesterday - here

Thoughts at a terminal

2011-04-11T14:45:00.000+05:30

That I punch out on my phone.... I decided to go to the reflexology space at mumbai terminal that I loved at first session a few years ago. Found their therapy really good. Its only now that I could revisit as I had time on my hands at a domestic terminal after ages.
I requested a 30 min session and was introduced to my therapist........ Who happened to be visually impaired. A multitude of emotions happened simultaneously and I was briefly overcome by them. I also felt guilt for a little while. But then here was an organization who were thoughtful enough to employ a differently abled person. My therapist herself was an independent, self supporting individual. How many times I have heard people say that we need to be an inclusive society that would not only be compassionate to those less fortunate but also create environs that could give them a feeling of self worth and maybe, even pride. But then I m probably getting ahead of myself. Most of our arenas for entertainment are not built or designed sparing a thought for the differently abled. We rarely see a lift with buttons that also have braille. Ramps are missing in most theatres. Concert halls dont think of reserving areas for those on wheelchairs. Beaches and Parks- am not sure if its possible for someone on a wheelchair to access these without anyone's help. Public transport and stations...less said the better.
Its normal for us to feel compassionate for those who are not as fortunate but we ll have to remind ourselves to not confuse it with pity and worse still, express that emotion.
And with that I couldnt help feeling proud for this lady who cant see but she is in the workforce, a tax payer and incredibly good in her work.
If only more organizations would come forward to be inclusive, it d be an ideal world.
Dear 'My Foot Reflexology' - Well done and keep it up.

Kadhal 2 Kalyanam

2011-04-01T02:10:00.001+05:30

I got to sing for Yuvan Shankar Raja after a very long time. This song was recorded a few months ago and I still remember how I mustered my guts to speak to Yuvan ji at a college event, several years ago telling him I would like to sing for him. Within half an hour of him leaving the venue, his manager called and asked me to come to the studio. And that is how I recorded Pudhu Kadhal in Pudukkotaiyilirundhu Saravanan.

But for this song, Idhu Kadhalai, I have Mr Milind Rau, the director of this film to thank for the opportunity. I was introduced to Milind on the day the audio of Kannathil Muthamittaal released many moons ago. He worked with Mani Ratnam sir as an assistant starting with Kannathil... I also remember giving a short performance of about 45 minutes that day for a select audience. But then that's a different story.

Milind gave me clear instructions on what he expected to wanted to be conveyed in the song. And I prayed that it should come through. It was one of the first times that a director was giving me a brief so in a way I was quite worked up. Benny had recorded earlier and like any other song I have recorded, I was not sure whether my voice would be retained. I waited for the audio to release and felt good to see my name there. Benny called the other day saying its good that we have had a duet after a very long time. It ll be good to perform this live. Love the song

Have heard from so many people how very difficult it is for a first time director no matter how talented they are or who they have worked with earlier. As I have blogged before I admire the gumption of filmmakers and the faith and belief they have in their dreams. This is wishing Milind the best for his directorial debut. May his dreams come true.

As for me, I am slated to perform with Benny later this month ...Looking forward to that.

In Dubai for the first time

2011-03-17T18:49:00.001+05:30

For the Hari Udan Naan Grand Finale. The show, conceived and executed by Subhashree Thanikachalam's Maximum Media decided they would hold the Finale in Dubai. The winner gets to win a world tour and also gets to cut an album with Hari ji.

Almost 13 years after singing in Saptaswarangal, I get to go on a trip with her. And more than anything else singing in this show is special for me. Also since one of my favorite people, James Vasanthan is also there, it promises to be a fun trip. And also special for the reason that this is the first ever time I am stepping in to Dubai. Looking forward to it.

On a totally unrelated note, I looking for western corporate wear. Any suggestions on where I can look for these in DXB?

Buying Amar Chitra Katha

2011-03-16T20:28:00.000+05:30

I had a couple of comments asking how to buy Amar Chitra Katha. You could by the entire collection here at the online store of amarchitrakatha.com

I have ordered several titles from time to time whenever newer titles released. You could order the complete collection, which technically should contain every title of theirs, but you may verify if it really does. Nonetheless, they are bringing in older titles that have been out of print. So you may need to check once in a while. The comics are also available in other Indian languages.

2011-03-15T23:55:00.001+05:30

Just a mundane post. Nothing spectacular. Not that I think that I write spectacularly. There are some good things going on and not so good things going on. With falling sick and recuperating and performing at the Music Academy with a recovering voice for Women's Day its been quite a time. We were all given 15 minute time slots to stick to. Which in retrospect I wonder if I should have exceeded it :P

But I loved singing numbers I have never sung on stage before. And I met a lady today that she was glad I sang something that she didn't expect I would sing. And I finally felt gratified. I believe the audience expected me to break into Kilimanjaro and Maiyya Maiyya but the concert being for charity, I felt delicate asking friends and other professionals to perform for me that day. Going into Charukesi and a Punjabi folk song, a Thumri and then finally finishing with a Mira Bhajan it was good fun. The one thing I haven't figured is how to get the engineers to give me perfect monitors on stage. Most of the time I can't hear myself sing. And I don't like the in-ears either. Anyway the issue with the monitors happened only around midway of my 15 min slot. So was pretty confident starting out.

In between all that watching a lot of things happening around me and with people I know. And I there is a certain placidity in me that I wonder if its normal. Just watching as if it were all not even a movie. I get very involved with movies. But.. anyway.

One amazing thing has happened professionally which I shall post soon about and how things came to pass.

Looking forward to that experience and am prepping for that mostly. In other news, I began reading Ponniyin Selvan, something my mother has been asking me to read for ages. Blue Elephant is moving into a new office when the time is 'right'. So until the naal and kol comes together that'd have to wait. We also dubbed a 3 hour video from Bengali and Hindi to Tamil and for the first time, not being behind the mic and getting someone else to dub was an altogether new experience. Inasmuch went without sleep for 3 days, ended up hoarse at the end of it all. Slept for 24 hours with a break to eat after that marathon. There was no way we could have met an insane deadline if we didn't work that way. Anyway.......

Since I have already begun searching for words, time to end this one here.

And oh, I bought a lot more the ACKs I was missing. Now if only they came out with the ones that are not in print. Please People-taking-care-of-Amar-Chitra-Katha, bring out the missing titles. I shall complete my collection and rest in peace. :)

Nadunisi Naaygal

2011-03-02T22:07:00.000+05:30

Delayed but as they say, better late than never.

NN was another wonderful experience of working with one of my favorite directors to work with. I went in for an audition as usual and Gautham sir decided to use my voice to dub for Sameera Reddy. Once again after Vaaranam Ayiram. At the outset however, I did not know or realize the rupture of my voice that I was signing up for :p

Watching some of the scenes at the studio sometimes the team would watch my face for reactions. And I guess at some point they were making fun of me :p but as usual working with Gautham sir and his team was brilliant. The best thing is I get to see Gautham sir act. Not once but a few times for each scene that I have to dub for. Needless to say he lost his voice too, I noticed though I do not know, for how long.

After the last session of dubbing, my voice split. I had a concert coming up and I knew there was no hope of singing unless I limited my activities to only breathing for the days leading up to the concert. I had 6 days to go and my voice was gone. I told them that I wouldn't be able to come in and dub and they had a deadline to meet for the release. But despite that, Gautham sir understood my commitments and the priority that needed to be given to my concert which was a solo act that I had to pull off for 2 hours. I managed to do the concert and well enough based on the tweets and mails I got. But thereafter my voice headed to splitsville. Its taken an entire month to get back to normalcy and I did my first recording after this break a couple of days ago.

I remember I picked up the phone and hoarsely say "Hello?" and people would say ... umm.... May I speak to Chinmayi? :)

I might never strain my voice this to dub for a film again. My singing voice and my voice itself is way too precious to me. But it was all well worth it. And more than anything else, I wonder how many people would have accepted to my not turning up to dubbing because I had a concert, except him.

Thanks Gautham sir!

Anant Pai

2011-02-28T23:14:00.004+05:30

Several months ago I had written of Mr Anant Pai, a man I had never met but whose work has had a profound influence on my thoughts, my love, respect and devotion for this land, my respect for those who laid down their lives for this country. Boring history lessons would have never made me realize the quantum of work by Bhagat Singh, Deshbandhu Chittaranjan Das, Savarkar or of the Tatas and Birlas, of scientists and finally that which I love the most - stories from the Puranas, Upanishads, Jatakas, Mahabharata, Hitopadesha, Ramayana, folk tales and faiths of the world. A man whose team and illustrations and language gave me a command over English far beyond my age when I was very young. Comics which told me faith could move mountains. That God hears our pleas. That all are equal in the eyes of God. In Tales of Yudhishtra, Lord Yama in disguise questions Yudhishtra if a Brahman is made by conduct or learning. Yudhishtra's reply that a Brahman becomes one only by conduct and not by birth was imprinted in my mind.

The practices at home, the way my grandfather and mom led by example further established these stories and they became a way of life. So many times have I heard my mother say that it is hard to come across a true Brahman today. Only he, she used to say, that walks in the path to know Brahman, the Omnipresent, Omnipotent and the In-dweller of all beings, the Supreme, is the Brahmana. Brahma-charya. To walk in the path of knowing the Brahman. If we had to follow the varnasrama, being classified by what we do in our professions in today's world, we would all be known by different names. When we sit down to watch our thoughts and what we think about, everyone would probably have to wait for a thought on high ideals to come by. Maybe for a long time. Forget meditating on God. We mostly meditate on the idiotic driver on the road or how we got irritated or countless other things. That's the way we all are and that has become the rumdrum now.

Over the years over and over have I read these comics. I used to have a 100 titles initially, a lot of which are out of print. Out of the initial 100, I have only 30 left. The others were borrowed and never returned. But I built the collection again, scour the website every once in a while and I see they are systematically bringing out titles that were out of print, one by one. And now I have over 300 though at various points in time I have read all their titles. I ll have to wait for the others to be printed and complete my collection. I remember the feeling of blood rushing through my veins as if I were witnessing the Independence struggle myself. Or suddenly praying to Krishna or Vitthal with all my heart after reading the ACK of Kanakadas or Jagannath of Puri.

Of kings and queens, tyrants and benevolent men, Gods and Goddesses, Saints and Reformers, Thinkers and Industrialists, Freedom fighters and silent revolutionaries. How easily they communicated some of the most complex ideologies so that it could be understood by a child of 8 in those blurbs. And how easily the comics reveal more and more meaning at every read even to an adult.

Legend has it that Anant Pai began ACK when he saw that children could answer questions on Greek mythology during a quiz but did not know who Sita or Rama were. Or maybe the question was who was the father of Rama. And in the ACK titles he went back to the very origin of origins and where it all started. The Gita. The Mahabharata. The Ramayana. Jesus Christ. Zarathrushtra. Mahavira. The various Sikh Gurus. And how in breaking ancient wisdom to speak the language that can be understood even by young child, I knew from then that God is one. But then as I grew the world wanted to teach me different things. Of divisions and castes and creeds. What the ACK team could do in 40 pages or less most exponential books could not. How he taught so many Sanskrit words and simultaneously taught us the meaning of those. Mantradrashta - the seer of the mantra from Shunahshepa as he was referred to by learned sages of that age in the ACK Title of the same name. This title is currently out of print. But should be available at libraries, if someone hasn't already stolen them. :p

As said by Mr Narayanamurthy in his book A Better India, A better world, we seem to be a country where reservation is not on the basis of merit but caste. Someone on Twitter said the other day that no country can prosper by discriminating against its people. And to this day the caste card is played even amongst the educated masses and we fall prey again and again. The light of education does not reach so many sections of the society. While many starve, the immediate thought is to fill this stomach. Who cares about education?

Thinkers like Narayanamurthy ask us to give back to the society. India, once known for its charity is now bereft of charitable people and philanthropists. Perhaps we have given up. Given up on the system, whatever is left of it or the lack of it. Everyone would rather run away from this country and come back when they have children, so that they can grow up in this 'culture'. A lot of others prefer not to do that as well.

Today we realize more that there is no freedom of speech in this country which is a fundamental right for the citizen of India. So we dare not opine and keep quiet. Even if children do, they are promptly asked to shut up. Informed of dire consequences. And the more I talk to people and the more I listen, the more I keep my eyes open, it all looks as if there seems to be a greater force which seems to benefit if we all decided to be divided on the various reasons given to us. History is refreshed and hate is bred anew. Suddenly blood will boil and people would be urged to take revenge on ancestors who would have long known the truth that we are all one. We come from the same source and go back to the source. But in between the entire tamasha happens. And we the educated, shall keep quiet. Not even dare to think and even pray that good shall happen to our people. We, however, are trained to say that this country will go to the dogs. Or indha naadu uruppadavae uruppadaadhu. And translations of it in the hundreds of languages and dialects spoken in India.

I know my limitations as a human being and also know of my strength. Everyday I send out a prayer to the Gods of the Universe, with no name or form, to help my country and its people. To help the people of this earth. If you, the reader, is sniggering here, please go ahead and may you be happy if that brings you the joy.

But in the words of Anant Pai and all the characters that have spoken to me through his ACK, God does listen and God does answer prayers. And I know there are countless praying similarly in various tongues for the same thing in various parts of the world. And in knowing my limitations and my strength as a single human being I pray to that one God asking for deliverance and a better future for the children. God could turn his back on Brahman priests and turn to face his devotee Kanakadasa at Udupi who was lamenting the fate of not being allowed to see him, at the back of the temple. Now we all have to see the Lord through the very same window. Of Lord Ranganatha refusing to open the doors because a Brahman priest had assaulted the "untouchable" of Tiruppan. And unless the priest carried Tiruppan around the temple and brought him to the Lord he wouldn't open them. Or of the divine trance of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. Or the divine love of Mirabai. How God helped the ones that loved him with all their heart and came to them in the form that they wanted to see him the most.

Anant Pai passed on a couple of days back. But his work is Amar. Immortal.

I wish I could have touched your feet Sri Pai. But it was not to be. I send my salutations to you. You awoke an entire generation from the slumber of ignorance of its cultural ethos. The light shines bright. And it shall continue to.

Rest in Peace.

Dhaivatam in Pantuvarali

2011-02-20T15:07:00.002+05:30

"Music colleges of those days had their own advantage of covering a quantum syllabus. But the quantum also had its detrimental value. Like for example “ The 72 melakartas”

I have heard Vaaddiyars (theory masters) (a raga is divided into Purvanga and Uttaranga. Purvanga is shadja to pancham. Uttaranga is Pancham to taara Shadja). having a peculiar way of educating students that “Purvanga of this mela and uttaranga of that mela.. combine them and you get this melakarta”. The students became very happy that they have learnt a new raga just with this one sentence of information. The students would start experimenting with all their half-baked raga knowledge, singing the first half in one chaya and the second half with another chaya. Thus several mongrels of the melakartas happened. I have seen students having such confusions in the musical movements of Pantuvarali and Purvikalyani. First and foremost, in Patammma amma’s class, (D K Pattammal) I realized the beauty of the Dha occurring and how enticing the Panchama varja (varja means absent) prayogas could be.

After the Swara pallavi (known as the miniature varnam, without a sahityam. We have said elsewhere that this is the amanat of Telugudesam) the musical form, Varnam is the real essence of any raga. This particular varnam in Pantuvarali, just brought tears in my eyes while learning. The beauty of the form, the piece, moved me. Immediately after that she taught Dikshitar’s kriti, Visalaksheem Vishweseem. While Pattamma amma sang phrase after phrase, you could see the pristine pure Puryadhanasri prayogas. Afterwards there was no confusion. Each note and its placement in different phraseologies was crystallized. It was a unique experience. When Pattamma amma arrested a musical phrase at Dha. It was a divine experience of how pure a note could be.

Learning from the stalwarts was indeed an experience. Similar experiences on purity of notes and the applications that could move you was with Brindamma or with Sri Vishwa. Every note that emantated from his flute brought a reality of pure naada binding us in an intoxicated thrall. With Yadukula Kambodi or Aahiri or Sahana or even Todi, one realizes how they should sound when you listen to the stalwarts. At this point, I am reminded of Brindammas statements - "Sangeethatha pathi paesaraaahalaame? Paada vaendiyadhudhaane? Paesardhukku enna irukku?” Talking about music was strictly prohibited. No doubt was explained in words. And everything was inferred and sensed by the teachers and clearing of doubts were by way of music alone. Never by words. 'Once the tanpura was on the sound in the room has to be only music and not words at all' was the dictum. When someone with a theoretical knowledge was flaunted in front of them, they used to politely say “Avuha ellam meththa padichavuha”. It had a tremendous velocity and sarcasm. They also never believed in teaching music resorting to verbal explanations or by means of diagrams and statistics"

To be continued…..

P.S.: This post is in quotes and as dictated by mom.

Untitled - 11

2011-02-14T10:49:00.000+05:30

Tuning a Tanpura.

When the Tanpura came to Mangathayaramma's house after servicing and polishing, she was caressing the Tanpura with relish and the incredible wonder at the destiny of my mother getting it.

She then handed the Tanpura to my mother and said "Here, tune it". My mother's stomach was in knots.

A thread is inserted between the 'Meru' and the strings to generate additional resonance in all the Tanpuras. This Tanpura was resonating even without the threads referred as the "Jeeva". Its very confusing for a beginner to settle on the basic notes to tune the Tanpura properly. With some struggle, my mother managed to tune the 'Sarani', 'Anusarani' and the 'Pancham' but tuning the Mandra Shadja was beyond her purview. Ammayakka, as everyone fondly called Mangathayaramma, including my mother, laughed, explained how it was tuned.

The Tanpura was brought home with all the reverential ado and amma tuned it and sang. And all her practices were pompously (her choice of word) with the Tanpura and she was secretly proud of having it in her possession after knowing of the entire history. Shortly after this Mangathayaramma came to our house for a week to take a break and stay with us. She was very fond of my paati's cooking and my thatha's affection and hospitality. She checked my mother's Tanpura during her visit and in her broken Tamil (had its own dialect, accent and she had basic issues in grammar) she exclaimed "Ada Paavi"

An exclamation that came out after she saw that the Tanpura was tuned to C. Without a word she asked my mother to play the Tanpura and start singing one of the Varnams that she had taught. A varnam, which had a lot of movement in the higher range. Mangathayaramma maintained an expressionless face throughout and later, when my mom was quite comfortable in the tarasthayi sancharas of the Varnam, Mangathayaramma stopped her and exlaimed "Ada Paavi!!""8 kattai la Carnatic music paadriye dee! Evan di onakku pakka vaadyam vaasippaan?? Sama sruthi la vaasikka mudiyaadhu. Oru kattai mrdangam dhaan vasikkanum. C string violin dhaan vasikkan"

My mother couldn't understand what she was saying at that point of time. Nor did my mother's family get it as they were practically musical illiterates. When my mother started intensive research in voice culture and training modules she realized the velocity of Ammayakka's statements. Her fundamental experiment was to improve the range of classical singers. She proved it right starting from me to all her students.

I remember how all her students would come to her singing in G and E and saying "Adhukku Maela ettaadhu" simply because their Gurus decided it was "enough" if they sang classical music in G. Most came to her with a huge complex of "Sa ku maela ettadhu". My would quietly switch on the Shruti box, tell the student that they are singing in G but fix the pitch to A or B instead. They would easily reach the notes with some cajoling. Notes that they were previously told and brainwashed that they cannot reach.

To be continued....

Untitled - 10 (The Tanpura of Ustad Abdul Karim Khan saheb)

2011-02-14T10:17:00.000+05:30

'Flute' Mali had a special preference for Mangathayaramma accompanying him on the violin during a particular period. As already mentioned earlier, Mangathayaramma was an adopted daughter as long as my thatha was concerned. As soon as my mother started learning, Mangathayaramma insisted that amma should not sing with the Shruti box. She had no explanations to give but the Shruti box was not her preferred pitching tool. So thatha and amma decided to buy a Tanpura and naturally the Guru was requested to procure one for amma. During one of her visits to Mali's place in Bangalore, she requested him to help her procure a Tanpura for her disciple, my mother. He showed a Tanpura and asked Mangathayaramma to give it to the student. With some mischief in his eyes, he said "Your student is lucky. This Tanpura belonged to Ustad Abdul Karim Khan. I am not using it. Let somebody use it properly". There was only one condition from him that the Tanpura be treasured and maintained well. Flabbergasted Mangathayaramma stammered "She has just begun her Sa ri ga ma. This Tanpura is too much for her". Pat came the answer "Parava Illa. Kondu poi kudu".

There was an old man in Dwaram house who joined as a student to groom as an aid to Dwaram Venkataswamy Naidu and later became a permanent fixture in the house. He used to accompany Mangathayaramma everywhere during her travels and concerts. He transformed to be an aid for Mangathayaramma as well. This Krishna Iyengar went to Bangalore and he brought the Tanpura to Madras and a musical shop in Triplicane serviced the Tanpura at the cost of 40 rupees. This, plus the train fare to transport the Tanpura from Bangalore to Chennai was all that was paid by thatha for getting such a treasure. Of course, there was another condition from Mali. "The moment the music stops in the house that this Tanpura goes to, the Tanpura should come back to me!!!!"

Imagine if such an antique property was given to someone, the natural instinct of anyone will be to not give it a novice but a seasoned Vidwan. What drove Mali to give the Tanpura to my mother is a big question. The honesty in Mangathayaramma to give it to my mother was nonpareil.

Years later, when my mother was in the Carnatic Music College, Mali had married a Westerner and he brought his wife along and visited my mother's house at Alwarpet. He wanted to see the Tanpura and he landed up. Fortunately (Amma laughs here), it was perfectly tuned, he gave a fine nod of approval. But amma was not present in the house. She was away in the library. There was no way to reach her. My Thatha and Mali had a some nice conversation for about an hour during when my thatha's spiritual discussions were so impressive to Mali that he invited him to America. That Thatha did not follow it up is a different story. Mangathayaramma also did not that he was going to visit our house. He had simply asked for amma's address. While Mangathayaramma was wondering what was going to happen, he had landed up at the residence. The Tanpura was reconfirmed to be in my mother's possession after his visit.

It still remains in my mothers possession. A beautiful Miraj Tanpura.

To be continued....

Untitled - 9

2011-02-13T23:46:00.007+05:30

So much to ask mom now but work has swallowed a lot of time in the past couple of days. And when I think I ll go ask mom to continue, its too late in the night and she is fast asleep.

Most of my childhood went in my mother teaching me for hours together. Time would fly by apparently until my paatti used to intervene with major drama and say its time to give me some food. 5 hours. 6 hours. Sometimes 8 hours, I have heard my mother would have teach me non stop.

But very early childhood was a different story. I hear I used to start wailing and bawling as soon as my mother took the Tanpura in her hands to start singing. Maybe I felt insecure about another object taking space in her lap.

Patience was never something I saw when Amma taught me. I had to repeat what she sang, the next instant. Or she would say if you can't repeat after having told you once, you are a rank idiot. I have heard of a lot of anecdotes of the Guru egging the student on with caustic remarks so that they perform better. And be acutely attentive. Somehow she seemed to have copious amounts of patience for other children. She was too kind and patient, I always thought which she never exhibited in me. I also fought with her once for the 'partiality' that she showed to others over me on that. To this day, I believe that some of the students that learned under her during that Gurukula project learned far more than I did in the lifetime I have spent with her.

Talking of early childhood in Mumbai, I was a kid that only spoke Marathi. Mom went to work. I was in the care of paatti. And during this time she made sure I became a right-hander from a left-hander. She taught me to write அ ஆ and all of that on a slate with a balpam. She took me to school and played with me with my "choppu set" of making tea and coffee and food and everything. To this day I wonder how we managed to communicate. With me bantering in Marathi, she could speak no language but Tamil. How did I ask her what I wanted? How did she know? Even my prayers used to be in Marathi as my "Ajji" who took care of me in Day-care whenever paatti had to be in Madras had taught me a Lakshmi prayer in Marathi. Gharaath Kida Pida Bahar Jao... ____ chi Lakshmi Gharaath aeo. I forget what-chi Lakshmi it was. That used to be the concluding line.

School in Bombay was interesting and to my teachers I was a 'problem child'. A problem because I finished entire text books in one day. English in one day. And every other book and say "Finish". I once got slapped for it and came home with a swollen cheek. Mother went and politely enquired what the issue was. The teacher was barely 20. She didn't know how to deal with a child who completed an entire year's work in one day. My mother then convinced the teacher to get me new books and send her the bill. I guess this 'disease' continued for quite a while. I still remember doing that with my workbooks years later so that I could sit smugly through class. The only thing that terrorized me was mathematics. It haunted me until my 10th grade. Somewhere some concept was not explained well and everything went downhill from there. I never knew what the problem was. A straight 100 report card until the 6th standard saw a downward arrow in mathematics alone. It was a miracle I passed my 10th math board exams. Thank God. I kicked the subject then. Pythagoras was my nemesis. I loved algebra and everything else but I hated the concept of proving that a triangle is a triangle. And not anything else. Sigh. I played around with the idea of taking up medicine but they said medicine meant I had to top in mathematics. Figured I'd reach the hangman's noose than the stethoscope and let go of a wish to be a doctor. I could still be a healer. But there is still time for that.

Silently have I watched this lady I call my Mom/Padmhasini/Amma. Silently have I watched the people that she worked with, the people who felt insecure, the parents of other kids, trauma and grief many a times and her swallowing and bearing quite a bit to bring me to where I am today. When I met my paati a couple of years ago and my chinna paatti a few days ago, they had pretty much the same things to say about amma. "Romba Narayya pattuta" (She has suffered a lot). From the family, from others. From more or less a lot of people. And because she remained and remains the same firebrand she is a lot of my colleagues couldn't take it either. Forthright and no bullshit defines her. And if there are people who had issues with that, I figured there was something shady in the first place. Those shades came to light pretty soon.

Several times when Vairamuthu sir met us at events he almost always introduced my mother saying "Ivanga Deivam.. " and pointing to me he would say "Ivanga Deivam thandha poo".

To be continued....

Untitled - 8

2011-02-11T00:12:00.003+05:30

By the time my mother was 14 she had listened to 3 of Flute Mali's concerts of which 2 were accompanied on the Violin by Dwaram Mangathayaru and one was accompanied by Mrs T Rukmini. Mom took a great fancy for Dwaram Mangathayaru and wanted to learn music from her. They were living in the same locality, i.e Triplicane, separated by two streets. (Dwaram Mangathayaru still lives in the same Dwaram house on Bandala Venugopala Naidu street. Mom took me to meet her a couple of years ago once again. She also happened to be my first Guru other than my mother. I remember at probably 8-9 years of age, I took a baby violin and went to learn from her. Didn't last long :))

There was stiff opposition in the house for taking up music as a profession. What would one expect anyway, with the kind of varied offices that the elder men in the house held? My mother was supported by her elder sister who volunteered to foot the bill for the music classes. After quite a lot of commotion the determination of my mother made thatha take her to Dwaram Mangathayaru. What impressed Mangthayaramma my mother did not know (maybe I should go and ask her, but the old timers that they are I wonder if I will wheedle any information from her at all!), but then on, Mangathayaru became my thatha's adopted daughter at the very first instance. The question of footing a bill did not arise as Mangathayaramma refused to accept any fee. It was the perfect Gurukula system. But thatha, from then on, made a habit of buying silk saris and jewelry in sets of three most of the time. One set went to my mother's elder sister. One went to mom. The other went to Mangathayaramma - the third daughter. This went on and a couple of years later, Mangathayaramma got a job in Tirupati and later in Vijayawada and had to move from Chennai. Thus the curtains fell on regular classes with Mangathayaramma. Mom refused to go to any other Guru. I have taken after her as I see. However, whenever Mangathayaramma visited Madras, they met, the connections were intact and occasionally classes did happen. Finally, Mangathayaramma personally took my mother to Carnatic Music College for admission.

The application was given for a Pre-Vidwan course. The then Principal Sri T N Krishnan and the other judges Sri K V Narayanaswamy, Kalpakam Swaminathan, after listening to mom, (guess that was a practice for the entrance examination), took her directly into the Sangeeta Vidwan course of the Carnatic Music College.

Two years flew by. She learned under stalwarts like K V Narayanaswamy, B Rajam Iyer, R Vedavalli, B Krishnamoorthy, Tiruppamburam Shanmukhasundaram.... While most others did not pay heed to the classes of Sri Shanmukhasundaram, my mother's alert ears did not fail to notice the difference in his music and the typical nuances of the Nagaswaram. He, being an alumnus of the same college, trained under Brindamma and Muktamma, showed remarkable tinges of their music. This was carefully registered in mom's memories and she sang the compositions taught by him with relish. They were systematic, dexterously constructed in terms of Sangatis, just as the Nagaswaram tradition would have it. With that, the nuances of Brindamma and Muktamma aesthetically sprinkled here and there, she was very careful in taking a lot from him.

The Dhanamma baani (style) is a classic explanation or embodiment of the real music not being on the notes but anywhere and everywhere in between the notes. (This reminds me of a Bryan Adams quote, where he says music is in between the notes. I am not sure about the theorems and how they go about proving things, but this would probably suffice to say that music is universal)

K V Narayanaswamy would not open his eyes during class. But one student from the 40 and odd group making a mistake, his head will turn, his eyes will open, with a piercing look on the exact person who erred. "Yaar Adhu..!!! Kaezhu (Kaelu)!!" (to be imagined in a low guttaral whisper that can shake the guts out of you). And with a weariness, he would turn his head, close his eyes and resume.

B Rajam Iyer would make very sarcastic remarks making the class laugh out aloud.

Sometimes the teachers would say sarcastically "Oh...!! Apdi ellaam kooda irukko.. Anya swaram ellam vardhe?! Pudussa kathukkanum pola irukke.!! " (Mom is laughing now, as she recalls these events and may I say I am louuuuuing this interview process!!)

Having said that, an example that a person learns all the time was Sri K V Narayanaswamy. Amongst Sri Ariyakudi's disciples, he was the leading. Still, he taught at Carnatic Music College. (Here, I ask Why? Apdidhaan iruppa appo ellam ... cholli kudukkardhu was part of their lives..!!)

Mom sang Nambi Kettavarillavo in Ragam Kalyani for her Quarterly Examination. Rajam Iyer was the examiner. Mom sang a sangati in the Anupallavi which was not taught by Sri KVN. Though it was not a deliberate attempt but it had happened perchance. While Sri Rajam Iyer nodded his head in approval, told my mother that would be all for evaluation, Sri KVN was outside the exam room, listening to this keenly. Mom came out of the exam room, Sri KVN was facing the other direction, turned toward her, repeated the sangati she had just sung and said "Nanna irundhudhu".

Thus her Ramnad connection was reestablished at Carnatic Music college.

There was another example to extol the simplicity of Sri KVN and a message that every music aspirant can take. Sri KVN was a top-notch performer of his times. Mom had already commenced research in voice culture and teaching methodologies. (At this point I feel my mother has wasted a good 10 years of her life on me, especially the past 10 years, like she jokingly says often, being my aayah. Regret.)

She happened to take up this subject and one more, to establish that the music is not on the note. She did this as a demonstration in her special musicology classes. As an ancillary, students had the option of taking either an instrument or Advanced Musicology at Govt Music College. They used to refer to it as "Musicology Special". Mom had chosen AM. Professor V Balakrishnan used to ask my mother to give student enumerations and demonstrations during the classes. In one such demonstration, she spoke about the musical exercises for expanding the range and some of the herbs which would help the same.

This was keenly watched by KVN, Parur Anantharama Iyer and a couple of Veena lecturers from a distance where they could easily hear and observe what was going on in the lecture hall. As the class got over and the students were coming out, KVN called out to mom

"Padmasini chettha inga vaa..!" She shivered in fright thinking she had made a gross blunder in her demo.

"Pinne orukka chollu paappom. Enna chonnayakkum anga..?"

"Ayyo Bayama irukku sir. Romba olarittaena? Thappa sir?

"Illa nanna irundhudhu.. Chollu paapom? Adhellam ezhudhi kudu..!"

She then sat and wrote down what she had just demonstrated, names of the herbs et al and within a week also went to Parry's corner and procured the herbs for him. The specific exercises he took was for Mandra Saadhana for improving the volume and tonal quality in the lower register. He said the exercises and the herbs did immense help to him. And after his December Music Festival concert, he remembered to call my mother and ask her "How did you find my voice?" like a child or maybe like a patient would ask his doctor, with all innocence. This is an incredible memory. Which is why he was an all time great musician. He learned from anybody. Even if it were his student. (Again, reminded of the interview that I had with Sri K J Yesudas a couple of weeks ago at Kollur Mookambika temple, where he went on to explain that life is a constant learning process. He sang the first few lines of Harivarasanam and went on to explain "Arivimardhanam" should not be sung as one word but should be sung as Ari-Vimardhanam, accenting the Vimardhanam. As the word Arivimardhanam has no meaning if sung as one word. This, he said he had learnt only a few months ago, from a Sanskrit scholar and explaining the importance of being a constant learner)

Similarly when mom was giving a demo on "The note alone is not important, its the movement that matters". She took a Swara Pallavi in Todi that she had learned from Dwaram Mangathayaru as an example and narrated the Ga appearing in various tonal colours and placement. KVN promptly called her, asked her to specifically sing those phrases. "Nee edho Todi 'ga' pathi demonstration kuduthiyaame? Ennadhadhu.. Enakku paadikaami...?"

Swarapallavi is not a musical form familiar in the Tamilian parts. It is an exclusive amaanat of Andhra Desam. This became a solid foundation for my mother thanks to Dwaram Mangathayaru. She learned a number of Swara Pallavi-s from her. (Making a mental note to learn these from mom, duh on this blog) He didn't pay any heed to her protests. "Sir ongalukku edhuraka epdi paadardhu.. bayama irukku". He said "Nanna irundhudhunnu kaelvi pattaen.. paadu" Sri KVN made mom write the Swara Pallavi and thereafter sing it out to him. "Nanna irukkae..!" He said. He had an enthusiasm of collecting such compositions.

Eventhough Sri KVN, hailing from Kerala, was considered the prime disciple of Sri Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar, he had gone to learn from him when KVN was already a performing artiste of repute. Sri Rajam Iyer did Gurukulavaasam under Sri Ariyakudi and therefore he had a lot of narrations about Poochi Iyengar and Ariyakudi, thereby, the Ramnad traditions.

When mom was on a documentation spree, much, much later, when she returned from Bombay, KVN once told her that "Gurukula vaasam panni ore Guru va follow panradhu oru vishayam. Innonnu, pravurthi kaaga praapalyama irukkaravaalta thaedi poi sishyana irukkardhu. Naangallam apdi dhaan" during her interview with him documenting the Guru Sishya Parampara. Not only Sri KVN, but this was repeated by many others, like Sri R K Srikanthan, Smt M L Vasanthakumari., Calcutta K S Krishnamurthi. (Mom had worked on documenting a lot of their work when she had come down from Mumbai. As a child I would accompany her to many of these visits. I still find pictures of me in those pictures taken then. And I hear her steady breathing as she falls asleep)

To be continued....

Untitled - 7 (The Ramnad Connection)

2011-02-09T21:28:00.007+05:30

The Raja of Ramnad - these words itself are very special to my mother and my Thatha. Maharaja Shanmukha Raghunatha Sethupathy was the last who had the kingdom and later it was taken away by the Zamindari Act. He was also a Minister in the Central Govt for some time. Thatha and the Raja were class mates in Presidency college and were cricket-mates. The royal family of Ramnad, have a great culture. Even though they were royal descendants belonging to the Mukkulathor, members of the royal family would address others with respect. Even a child was addressed with respect by them. Addressing anybody by their first names was not in their practice and as a result nicknames were awarded. One of the great violinists, who used to laugh with a peculiar mannerism was called 'Gubeer' Iyer (The Grandfather of Lalgudi G Jayaraman). Thereafter he was always addressed as 'Gubeer'. My Thatha who, during one of the games, fell while attempting to catch the ball. This entire act reportedly resembled a Korali Viddaikaaran of those times. And from then on my thatha got to be known as Korali Iyengar. Thus did everyone get their own nicknames while the royal family maintaining the custom of not calling anyone by their first names.

Even though they were friends, the Raja always welcomed Thatha as "Vaanga Korali" and my Thatha in turn always addressed him as Maharaja. The royal connection continues till now. Our family doctor is a descendant of this very family. Dr Prasad, nephew of Shankukha Raghunatha Sethupathy, is affectionately called by his kith and kin as Pressy. His mother, Ganesha Kunjara Naachiar, the sister of Raja Shanmukha Raghunatha Sethupathy and mom were very close. Shri Kashinath Dorai, her brother together used to narrate a lot of stories about music in the royal durbar. They were all descendants of the great Bhaskara Sethupathy, the great patron of Swami Vivekananda who had sponsored the Swami's trip to Chicago to the Parliament of the World's Religions where he rendered his famous speech beginning with these words "Sisters and brothers of America".

The Ramnad samasthanam patronized great musical scholars like Maha Vaidyanatha Iyer, Patnam Subramanya Iyer and Ramnad (Poochi) Srinivasa Iyengar. Sri Kasinath Dorai used to narrate countless anecdotes and stories about their musical plights to mom. Days and days, hours and hours in the huge patio of Ramnad House in Cenotaph Road, (Now the Russian Consulate), became a platform for improving her acumen in musical history and musical techniques of Ramnad lineage. Incidentally Sri Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar is the disciple of Sri Poochi Iyengar; Sri B Rajam Iyer and Sri K V Narayanaswamy were disciples of Sri Ariyakudi and my mother had the opportunity of learning from both Sri B Rajam Iyer and Sri K V Narayanaswamy at the Music College, Madras. In a way, she was destined to follow the Ramnad tradition. Poochi Iyengar was made to learn from both Maha Vaidyanatha Iyer and Patnam Subramanya Iyer. Maha Vaidyanatha Iyer had a forte on the higher octaves of music while Sri Patnam Subramania Iyer was an exponent in Tanam and had exclusive techniques in Tanam. Sri Kasinath Dorai used to reel of demonstrations of Patnam Subramania Iyer's 'Chakra Tanam', 'Manduka' and 'Markata' Tanams. The same Manduka Tanam when narrated and demonstrated by Swami Shantananda Saraswati during a drive from Kuala Lumpur to Johor Bahru in 1998 was a reliving experience to my mother. But Swamiji narrated as the technique being taught to him by a Sangeeta Swami of Kashi while Kasinath Dorai was narrating the technique as was practiced by Patnam Subramania Iyer. Poochi Srinivasa Iyengar was sponsored by the royal court to learn from both Gurus to imbibe all the qualities of both stalwarts. Learning under two Gurus was next to impossibility in those days. But because it was a royal command, both stalwarts taught Poochi Srinivasa Iyengar who also became a Vaggeyakara. (A Vaggeyakara is a Lyricist-composer).

Dr Prasad's mother, Smt Ganesha Kunjara Naachchiyar avgl, Srimaan Kasinath Dorai avgl and my mother used to have several musical sessions, a lot of which I shall hope to strike down here.

Mom now holds some of the rarest manuscripts of the Royal family that cover the musical lessons of Sri Poochi Iyengar, Raga Indexes so on. Also in my mother's possession is a 100+ year old Tanpura belonging to Ustad Abdul Karim Khan saheb. How it was gifted to my mother is another story. :)

To be continued.....

**Most of the content here is narrated by mom and is reproduced verbatim.

Untitled - 6

2011-02-09T20:26:00.011+05:30

Padmhasini was born the youngest of 3 children to Jayalakshmi and Sudarshanacharya Thirumalai Aiengar in Paramakudi and was brought to the then Madras when she was 5 years of age. I have heard the family had establishments in Madras, Ramanathapuram and in Paramakudi for education and business purposes.

Mr Aiengar had 3 siblings, the eldest Sudarshanacharya Tirupathi Iyengar, next was my thatha, S T Aiengar (I don't know why he had this interesting spelling to his name. Wish I had begun blogging when he was alive), Sundararajan and the youngest Ramaswamy. Jayalakshmi had two siblings, Sriranga and Srinivasan (alias 'Ambi' the famous nickname!). I hear Ambi died when mom was very young. Sriranga paatti is still alive and refuses to smile when a picture is clicked :p

S T Iyengar or Mutha thatha was the Chief Engineer in the Electricity Board of the Madras Province (Madras Province included Andhra Pradesh, Tamilnadu and Orissa. He apparently worked in the Pycara dam project as well). My Thatha, Aiengar was Garrison Engineer in the Army. Sundararajan joined Delhi Secretariat as Under Secretary and went on to retire as Deputy Secretary of Atomic Energy Establishment. He had worked with Homi Bhabha and Vikram Sarabhai. Ramaswamy served as the Government Printer in Aden during the British Rule there. Apparently every time he came home on holidays every 2 years or so, he would ship his car of the moment and the car would arrive before him at Bombay port. And he would drive down from Bombay to Madras in about a day and a half. I wonder how the roads were then that he could manage to do that!

Now the family had memberships at Brahma Gana Sabha, and Narada Gana Sabha considered the leading Sabhas of those times. They rented out the premises of Music Academy to stage their programmes. Also another reputed Sabha of those times was the Parthasarathy Swami Sabha. It had its own locus standi unaffected by any competition. The family had donor memebership in all these sabhas. The family was more interested in watching dramas and the performances of popular musicians. These concerts and drama visits also was a social exercise where everyone flaunted their latest jewelry or Saris. Mom was famous for her Venkatagiri saris. Talking of these sari I hear they costed between 13 rupees and 200 rupees. Apparently the 200/- sari had zari all over. Hmm :) I hear Venkatagiri had an exclusive position among cotton saris.

Balakrishna Sastrigal, the great Harikatha exponent was the first major influence on my mother taking to music. Her taste in Carnatic music was in people like Smt D K Pattammal, Sri M D Ramanathan, Brindamma, Muktamma and the like, where there was erudite scholarship and sedate musical flow. While this was going on her attention was drawn toward Hindustani classical music thanks to a certain "Jaggu Mama" (Mr Seshadri) who were occupants of the first floor in the same house my mother's family lived. He was a great connoisseur of Hindustani music and he used to take my mother to all the Hindustani classical music concerts of Chennai. His wife, Mrs Jayalakshmi Seshadri was a Veena exponent, one of the prime disciples of Kalpakam Swaminathan. Since Mrs Jayalakshmi wasn't too interested in Hindustani classical music, Jaggu Mama took along this teenaged girl to all these concerts. He first introduced and educated my mother about the nuances and intricacies of Hindustani music, making her listen to various LP Records of concerts.

We still maintain a lot of these LP Records even today.

T S Balakrishna Sastrigal was a stalwart of Harikatha Kalakshepam. Harikatha Kalakshepam as such required mono-acting skills, and Sri Sastrigal was a matchless genius. His assistant on stage used to sing brilliant music. Harikatha Kalakshepam in those days always had a very good singer, supporting the Harikatha exponent. In Shastriji's case, he had a fantastic musician supporting him (Will get back to you with the name) and the amazing sangatis he used to reel out in Tyagaraja Kritis or the amazing delineation of ragas he used to hum in the background while Sastrigal narrated some of the sequences was to have been experienced live to know how the "Background score" was interwoven in a live Harikatha performance. It was like cinema on stage. Sastrigal used to cry. He used to laugh. You could see a woman in him. You could see a child in him. Sometimes he would be the father. You could literally see Dasharatha on stage. You didnt need to imagine what Dasharatha would have been like in front of Kaikeyi begging for mercy for Raghava (Rama). With music, tears, emotive dialogues and finally how Dasaratha fainted was enacted by him. It was something that was etched deep in my mother's memory. He was a genius. And a genius of those times has no parallel in present day existence. Life then, offered the leisure, peace to gradually take in and assimilate to be permanently stored in the subconscious mind.

Taking to Hindustani classical music of course was the contribution of Jaggu mama (aka Seshadri)

And thus were the first seeds for a life long aspiration to music sown.

To be continued....

**A lot of the content here is narrated by mom and is reproduced verbatim.

Untitled - 5

2011-02-09T13:45:00.001+05:30

What explains this verbose wave? The loss of voice and a viral fever. Being given no better option than to be silent. I don't want to hear myself croak and bleat really.

Only when we are forced to silence and not preoccupied with our own constant chatter do we find other forms of expression. Maybe meaningful. Maybe not.

People who have called the past couple of days ask "Am I speaking to Chinmayi?" "My God!!!" first stunned without a word to say at the voice they hear on their receivers that sounds like a cross between a frog and a donkey and the occasional sheep or a goat. While I am having fun with their varied reactions, words spill in this space.

Untitled - 4

2011-02-09T13:42:00.000+05:30

I seem to be on a roll. And I am letting myself be. May the words spill as long as they intend to as right now they seem to have a destiny of their own to make it to this space. Only they found the instrument through my fingers and this keyboard. And yes a million other tech things which I really needn't strike down.

I have heard a lot of people say why it might not work if your Guru is your parent. I am not sure about other relationships but the most I have heard is that when your mother or a father is your Guru, they say you tend to things easy and maybe take them for granted. I wonder where this notion stemmed from, as most most of the musicians in India have been belonged to a dynasty of musicians. And then there were those whose progeny decided not to take it up and decided not to go through with the rigors of it. I wonder what such Gurus feel. Frustrated? Tired? Sad? that their progeny refuse to take their legacy forward? I would never really know. And I hope, that I don't get to know by first-hand experience.

For a lot of things, I am thankful that my Guru is my mother. Though I say so myself, I am yet to come across a teacher more sincere than amma. But then how would you know, you may ask, when you haven't learned from anyone else. The thing is, I have. I have tried learning an instrument from another Guru. And the number of phone calls and visits I need to make to another city for a few hours of class is quite something. And that is how my mother learned. The really hard way. Waiting through the day the teacher might probably give a direct class of less than an hour. And through the day, being with the Guru and being in the presence others who learned from the Guru, the concentration was heightened. The urge and the craving to hang on to every note, every word that was spoken and exchanged and played and sung made sure that the individual at the music class was not merely a student. But an aspirant. Someone who had to aspire all day long, day after day, month after month. And in these several days did the sishyas hear the words of wisdom, musical exchanges between their Guru and other Gurus and stalwarts in the field. A veritable Satsang. Something that is absolutely missing today. And something that I am rarely a part of at Rahman sir's studio. When some of the greatest filmmakers, poets and creators converge in a certain space, every word that they have said and the experience thereof reminded me of my mothers words when she spoke about the Satsangs with her Gurus. Mom was a student of Tamilnadu Govt Music College during the time when it was a place of great learning and doyens of Carnatic classical music were teachers. Thus was my mother exposed to a variety of schools, learned personally under various masters. And not surprisingly identified as an intellectual and lauded for her brain.

Meeting some of the masters later, as I did, I heard them speak of my mother during her younger days and her razor sharp thinking and the injustice she had to later see in various spheres, I couldn't but help admire this lady who just happened to be my mother and Guru.

To you this might be the third post speaking of my mother. But to me this speaks of this individual, Mrs T Padmhasini who is the most profound influence in my life and to a few others.

I know how my mother looked and searched for students that she could teach and owing to my winning a couple of competitions and other parents asking me who I had learned from, it automatically brought some students to my mother. And after Kannathil Muthamittal, some more. But the goals were strange The goals was not to learn music or become a professional singer of merit or a scholar. But to learn music now, sing for A R Rahman six months later, buy a car a year after that and then build a house. So many years of my becoming a professional, we are yet to build ours :)

And strangely some students were pulled out because their parents did not like the idea of their kids idolizing someone other than them. Weird I thought. But that was the way things were.

Finally my mother gave up on wanting to teach. Even to be a successful teacher, you need to have a certain street-smartness or have to be plain darn lucky. Padmhasini may be a strong, forthright, intuitive lady but street-smart she was not. And luck is famous for having failed her many a times.

Speaking about my mother and her tryst with musicians in the classical music industry to a filmmaker who gaped for the most part while listening to what I had to say and said he needs to meet my mother. And maybe make a film or two. Twists and turns and several knots have there been in her story.

A lot of the musicians in the Carnatic music field today have been silent observers and still know Chinmayi as the daughter of Padmhasini. If there was someone who has been hounded for most part of a life it would be this lady I know personally and have lived with.

To be continued.

And the picture with Thalaivar

2011-02-09T01:42:00.002+05:30

January 3 2011

Le Royal Meridien

Book release of Sri Vairamuthu's 1000 Padalgal

Unaroo - Traffic

2011-02-09T01:40:00.002+05:30

Untitled - 3

2011-02-09T00:57:00.008+05:30

One of the biggest differences I think between living in Mumbai and Chennai was how they perceived a single woman. With a daughter. As far as I remember, even though I left Mumbai very early, life was easier. Less complicated. People did not judge you every single moment. Because, simply, they were too busy leading their own lives to bother about yours or judge how you should live.

Somehow in 'conservative' Chennai, it became the purview of every member in the society to teach someone else how to live. Especially the single woman. What is the best way to lead a life. What is the best way to do things. And not quite amazingly, each one had a rank different decision. And from there came these random people advising my mother, on how it is 'wrong' to put me in music. Not normally wrong. But morally, virtuously wrong to make a career in music for a 'daughter'. This was in the 1990-s. Which is why I used to joke that it was a crime to be a single woman and easier to be a widow in Chennai, or at that time, I guess I used to say India. (Now don't come back and criticize me for this line). If I had been a son, there would have been no such perceptions. FYI. But on the flip-side I know a lot of parents telling us they are unable to take such 'bold' decisions because their families forbid them to or in the fear of being scandalized by their own kith and kin. So glad that I wasn't 'blessed' with such a family. I have been blissfully away from most of them.

Well meaning advice alright, but this would be from people who had a certain view in life, myopic in some cases, or those who refuse to see a horizon perhaps because the vastness might frighten them. I know not what the reason would be. But then, I will have to also say, that the society then was not kind on innovators, who they loved to call 'rebels' then. You had to do Engineering or Medicine. Nothing else would do. Sad to say that still exists in various parts of India as the right thing to do.

A Senior Fellow with the Govt. of India, Dept of Culture, my mother decided to pull me out of school after 8th standard to train me more rigorously in music and make a true scholar of me. (Thankfully my grandfather was well ahead of his times too. Toooo ahead for the 1940-s. But seemed more in line with the 90-s. It was imperative for my mother to ask his permission before anything. Even when he was 93. Yep. The people in my family lived closer to 100. All of them. Thatha would give mom a go-ahead for all her plans). At that time I remember it was impossible to explain "Documentary Film Maker" or Research and Documentation in music. I know of musicians in the Carnatic field who did not know the difference between Archives and Archaeology. This was when my mother was documenting a musician and his life. My the end of that documentary we got a crash course on the musicians in orthodox, conventional god-fearing Carnatic music field. And the main reason why I refuse to sing Carnatic music today. And in the same breath, let me also tell you, that the Film Industry has perhaps more honest and straightforward people than anywhere else, IMHO. Which includes the Carnatic Classical Music field.

Veering from the topic a bit, my mother was also my first lesson on Why NOT to share your ideas with anyone. Especially in project proposals. She would write innumerable proposals applying for grants. And from just the synopsis in the proposal, others would poach the idea, with their own limited understanding, pull a few strings and get a grant. A lot of such things happened back then. A dedicated team worked to see what Padmhasini had presented :) Mom took quite a while to find out and as she saw similar projects with the same content as she had presented being worked on by other 'scholars' she saw what was happening and stopped writing to any of these foundations that primarily funded documentation projects in music. And thus did some 'pioneers' come into being.

She had devised a truly amazing syllabus and had even spoken to teachers for various classes. Traveled to Delhi several times to see if there was an education system that could aid kids like me. Or a certification for that matter that could take me back to mainstream collegiate education if I wanted to. But no one really knew. And Google was not rampant then. No one knew about the National Open School system then. To people like me and those in sports, it was a total boon. I remember the principal of NOS telling me that a lot of classical musician's kids in Delhi studied through this system. Because really, no conventional school had the concept of identifying a talent other than the numbers on the report card. Be it sports or music. Hindu Senior Secondary, in Indira Nagar, and my principal then, Mr Venkatachalam was a class apart. He was a visionary. I remember him allowing a classmate to come late to school every day, because the boy's father had taken VRS and had taken it upon himself to train him in tennis seriously. His special coaching got over only at 11 AM and he would come to school around 11:30 or something. Every single day. I hear he is doing well. And that his brother is a professional player. Forget the names now.

After seeing the pressure of 10th std and what I went through, we saw there was no option of kicking Mathematics in the CBSE syllabus. And if I continued school the only option would be to battle mathematics and forget music until I finished 12th boards. Which was not an option at all. Thankfully we discovered NOS and during the time between my 15-17th year I finished studying German at Max Mueller Bhavan, had begun French, some courses in E Commerce and Designing from SSI and NIIT, worked at Carnaticmusic.com for more than a year (loved this experience as I knew how the corporate world functioned and kept in touch with Carnatic music, which I was otherwise losing touch with as I had shifted to Hindustani classical music), dabbled a while at Student Concepts (they had some project they wanted to work with schools, I forget what exactly now. Manoj, who started SC, was a dreamer ahead of the school educational standards and standardized thinking then) won the All India Radio competitions for Ghazal and Hindustani classical music and rigorously practiced Odissi and learned to play the Tabla. I did some freelance German translation shortly thereafter, for the fun of it and to stay in touch with the language. Blue Elephant was unofficially born a year or so later and officially maybe 3-4 years after this. Given a choice, I would have a pulled out of school earlier. To someone like me, conventional school is a waste of time. The West has woken up to home schooling years ago. Those who dare do it. I am not sure whether India would wake up to it or not, but if my progeny happen to show any brilliant musical inclination, I don't think they will be in a conventional school for too long.

When my mother stepped into Chennai, I think one of her first projects was this Audio Glossary she did for Aurobindo Ashram. Again something she did free of charge, because she was of this notion that a spiritual organization should not be given a bill. She was too good for her own good.

I remember being a part of all the sessions, her recordings with all the front ranking classical musicians today, directing them, the voice-over sessions with P C Ramakrishna. I wish now, if I can have a time machine and go back to record her working. Sigh. She was a fire brand. And people didn't move a muscle. It was hard to get people to work. Ask some engineers/technicians anything at that time, they will say "Its not possible". It frustrated my mom to no end. I now hear some music directors of today complaining of the same thing. Whenever a composer wanted to innovate they would get "Its not possible". I would not like to state who, because I do not have the permission to publish that here.

Whereas in Mumbai they were highly open to ideas. Before the time of music videos, I remember mom discussing the concept of shooting videos for music. And the idea was immediately dumbed down. "Who the hell would watch a music and a video?". And just a couple of years later music videos started, peaked and plateaued.

The audio glossary mom worked on was released by Times Music as Aalaap. There was another thing here. By the time Aalaap released, which took a really long time between the production in 1990-1991 to its release in 1999, the content she wrote for the glossary was poached by another musician. Who made quite a fast buck even before Times Music or Aurobindo Society could realize what was happening. Somehow the same musicians that worked with mom in the project told her of the duplication. But considering India and Intellectual Property, nothing could be done. And anyway it was the purview of Aurobindo Society. Now however, my mother's work has expanded and swelled manifold, which I intend to bring to publication. May God guide us and bring this plan to fruition. She keeps saying she has so much to give and so much to do. She gave it all up because I had stepped in and become a professional.

I still remember Sri Vishwa, telling me when I was probably 12 or 13 "You should be very glad that your mother has not pushed you into this prodigy-sagadhi. You won't understand why I am calling this entire thing a sagadhi now but you will, later". I had sung for him then. My mother did take me to a few doyens, ask me to sing and get their opinion. Whatever I heard the doyens telling my mother was one of the reasons I stuck to my guns of not going to a popular Guru. Why should anyone else get the credit for my mother's hard work and sacrifice? A year or so after my meeting him, Sri Vishwa passed on. But what he said rings true to this day. The word prodigy is used even more freely today. On everyone and anyone. Mostly on those who don't deserve that tag. Not only from him, but from several other stalwarts have I known that a prodigy must be safeguarded and carefully groomed for several years before put on stage. Not be on display from channel to channel, stage to stage and show to show.

So many of the doyens my mother knew and has worked with have passed on. Mrs Sulochana Pattabhiraman, Sri K S Krishnamurthi, Sri Vishwa, Smt D K Pattamma (who always saw a daughter in mother. I still remember mom saying I was taken to meet her when I was but a few days old). Somewhere down the line, from being known as Chinmayi, Daughter of Padmhasini, Padmhasini came to be known as the mother of Chinmayi. And now its perhaps time to bring my mother out from her professional sabbatical.

Untitled - 2

2011-02-08T23:56:00.000+05:30

One of the stronger memories of my early teens was my mother's Gurukula project. She wanted to reinvent the Gurukula project for the modern times. Its common knowledge that my mother has been my only Guru though she tried a million times to send me to other Gurus for the ISI mark of going to a 'popular' Guru. One class or two I would be back and refuse to go.

My mom taught a few students during that time. And refused to take fees because she believed that Vidya was for daanam. I know now that giving something for free is not given much respect. Even though a lot of the students come back today and say that they have never been able to learn from anyone else after that.

The Gurukula-styled classes with my mother's students, perhaps 10 of them or perhaps less, landed up at home on Sundays at 6 or maybe 7 AM in the morning. Starting with prayers, pranayama and meditation there was a short recess for breakfast, which mom used to make. I really cannot remember now, what she gave us all. Should ask her. But its better she blog about it herself. Hopefully that will come soon. Thereafter rigorous vocal exercises began until lunch. Lunch would be something exciting soups and main course. It would be a different menu each week. A lot of times, my mom would get us to practice the vocal exercises the 'n' number of times and go into the kitchen once in a while to cook. She always cooked personally because the entire process of cooking the food for all of us was accompanied by chanting of various mantras the process.

Sometimes we used to peek into the kitchen to know what was cooking. The aromas would be highly distracting.

Mom was a pretty cool teacher. The post lunch session went in explanation of various concepts. Usually triggered by a question. She would ask one of us to ask her something and from there discussions would begin. And during this time all of us could lean back, stretch our legs, even lie down if we wanted to, while listening to her. And no, I don't remember any of us falling asleep. After this began another round of learning compositions, writing notations until tea-time where another round of snacks came through. After some more classes post tea, the Sunday class would come to an end at 6PM. Today, it is a great fad to say food is 'energized' or 'energizing' anything at all is an amazing thing to do. But this has been a part of our culture and living for aeons. I guess, we should have 'packaged' all this way better as is expected these days.

During that time, a lot of the students said they did better in school. Attention spans had become better. Performance was better. But as one student after another hit 10th std, music clearly took a back seat for every student, except me of course.

Guess only my mother had the guts to put me through music. In other cases, the families did not accept. Some uncle, aunt, grandmother or grandfather, brother or sister disapproved with a child in the family taking music seriously. Or maybe, it was a matter of destiny. Or like the famous quote said, "I was fine but education ruined me" and to just tinker with it a bit, "They were fine, but board exams ruined their plans". hehe.

I somehow remember that my mother was an epitome of patience, taught the other students more concepts, taught them more than I ever had. And no I am not joking. My mother was very impatient with me if I didn't repeat a musical line the next instant. But she was painfully patient with the others. And every time she would say "Illa Kanna" "Illa ma" to explain. If she did lose her cool then one can be sure they had messed up big time with their singing.

And I also remember it was during one of these classes that I got the call to go and record at Rahman sir's studio for Kannathil Muthamittal. No one except my mother knew for the entire period between the recording of the song and its release, that I had met Rahman sir or that I had sung this song.

My mother's experiment had come to an end by the time Kannathil Muthamittaal released. And thence began my career as a professional playback singer.

Latest in

2011-02-06T23:01:00.000+05:30

"Unaru" in the film Traffic my Sri Samson Kottor. A solo in Malayalam after a very long time. This song moved me while I was singing it. And its lovely to hear today from Twitter that Traffic is a major hit. Always good when producers make their money. I wish they always do, but that would be in a perfect world.

A duet with Ranjith after quite a long time in the movie Guns composed by Ronnie Raphael. I love this song. "Thaaja Thaaja Kanasugalu". I quite like the way my voice has been mixed.

And another duet with Vijay Yesudas in Muthukku Muthaaga composed by Kavi Periya Thambi. "Enna Panni Tholachcha"

Realized they all released this week. Tamil Kannada and Malayalam. Quite like this :)

Untitled - 1

2011-02-06T22:33:00.012+05:30

Days and days go by. Many a times I begin a blog. Then leave it after 3 lines. Maybe I should make a blog of all the unfinished ones. The things I thought I wanted to say. And saw words stopped mid-way. Words refused to travel the distance from my mind, through my fingers, through the keyboard, to this space. But today, I

Happened to meet my extended family after ages today and met my grandmom's younger sister. There were so many similarities and so many differences. Sitting there and observing all the myriad faces, words, attitudes, expressions its amazing how families stay together. Amazing how families decide to be together through thick and thin, tough times and happy ones. And amazing again how families decide NOT to be together. My grandmom would be quite a sport, learn a smattering of English. Proudly announce the word "Chemistry" and say "Naan Ingleeesh Katthunduttaen di!!" She figured out a way to remember images of English words and every time she looked at the cover of my text books she would say Chemistry or Biology. Ammamma was a lady, that dropped out of school at 10. Got married to my Thatha, a man who served in the Indian Army then, went to jail during the freedom movement, produced a film too, I hear though I wonder what came of it, started a printing press and did a lot of million other things, spoke immaculate English and had a bearing that I hardly find in men of today. For that matter, I found the same bearing in Mr Pattabhiraman, the late Sulochana ji's husband. In a Mr. Padmanabhan, whose son is a journalist of repute. The bearing which I rarely see in men today. Maybe it belonged to the men of that era alone. And didn't pass down with the family heirlooms.

Meeting the younger Ammamma today brought back a lot of memories. She just refused to smile at the camera. But she was amazed to see the picture as soon as it was taken on the phone. "Photo eduthuthtta dee. Gettikkaari!!" Couldn't help laughing. If only she knew the gettikaarathanam of kids wielding IPads today. She had her trademark exclamation. And blessed me with words I usually hear from people her age. And gave me very sound advice. Advice on men which is so in tune with today's 2011. In the few hours that flew, so many memories, so many words exchanged, some remained unsaid, but felt. Holding hands with the lady who is almost 90, a hold that seemed so similar to my own Ammamma's hands, but yet different. A hold that conveys a lot more than words ever could. And maybe it is not supposed to convey anything at all. Its something that is left open to interpretation. Like a blank paper - a paper that allows only beautiful things to be written on it.

A lot of times I wonder how the school-uneducated Jayam had a successful marriage of 80 years with my Thatha. How several different people could live together in a joint-family set up then. But then, I guess people just decided to do the things they did and be with the people they wanted to.

Choices that many refuse to take today. Decisions many refuse to make today. We choose to tread down paths. Attempt and succeed at creating new ones. And when its time to leave, when we look back, what would we be looking back at? Love and laughter, hate and prejudice, tears and anger, joy and contentment, friends and those who could not be friends, family and those who could not be family, friends that became family and family that ceased to be friends. Would we only see us take ourselves at the end of it all? Or would we even be taking a 'self'?

What are we supposed to learn from this time we spend here?

And just as I don't have answer to that question, I have no answer to What do I name this post? My eternal search for titles continues.

Met Thalaivar

2011-01-04T22:35:00.001+05:30

at Vairamuthu Sir's 1000 paadalgal event. IMO its one of the best events that I have been a part of. Brimming with scholarship and an energy in the air in the room that I day, I haven't felt for a long while. With the titans from the industry, listening to SPB sir and KJY sir sitting at a 1 feet distance from the performance area. Quite an experience. Listening to Vairamuthu sir read out the citations that he gave out to every guest he had invited was another treat. Listening to Vaali sir's address which left us all in splits and Vairamuthu sir's impassioned one, was amazing. Nothing like listening to poets speak. Especially on their craft, their words and their points of view. Anecdotes and stories and laughter and life.

I first performed with Vijay Prakash that day to a monitor-wise highly uncomfortable rendition. I have met him after more than a year, after performing at the VTV audio launch here in Chennai. Definitely one of the loveliest and nicest performers I have met. But thankfully it got better by the time I went on stage for Uyire with Hari ji. And Hari ji actually told me he liked what I sang. Whatt-an experience listening to him sing Uyire. Its a dang surprise every time. Keeps you on your toes all the time. And he brings edge-of-the-seat entertainment to the music listener I think.

The vibes that evening were amazing. Nothing discordant anywhere. Annnnnnnnddddd.....

After the Photo Op with the Honble Chief Minister of Tamilnadu, I decided to say Hello to Superstar on Stage. Babbled and said I am huuuge fan. Yep, as original, impressive, smart and of course, original as that. He says "Yeah I know Chinmayi." .. And a few other words that I don't remember. But in my life I will never forget shaking hands with him. In this aspect I am exactly as crazy as every Thalaivar fan out there. The Superstar is all magic and earth-shatteringly simple. When I was an stage I smiled at him while singing Kadhal Anukkal and he smiled back. At that point in time I had no clue whether he knew me from Adam or for that matter, Eve. I knew in less than an hour later that I was mistaken and he knew me by name. Thanks to the cameramen, a million times for capturing that moment. I have a photograph of it now.

The one other thing I will treasure is from the Vairamuthu sir. His words to me, impressed in a sheet of gold.

Chinna Thenral Nee

Chella Puyalum Nee

Thamizhil Paadum Kuyilum Nee

Vaazhga Chinmayi

- Vairamuthu

The other treasure, the first one this year, is of course, the calendar :) Glee!

The 2011 A R Rahman Foundation Calendar

2011-01-04T22:30:00.000+05:30

You can buy the A R Rahman Foundation 2011 Calendar at

http://cgi.ebay.in/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=170583211833#ht_592wt_1141

and

http://cgi.ebay.in/A-R-Rahman-foundation-official-calendar-2011-2-pack-/170586283719?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_203&hash=item27b7bc1ec7#ht_610wt_1141

This calendar is something I ll preserve forever, because Rahman sir has given me one with a personalized message and a signature.

If I were in ancient Egypt and were mummified, for the articles that I would take into the afterlife, this calendar would be on one of the topmost in my list.

Keeping my pledge for the Kannamma Project

2010-12-17T23:34:00.004+05:30

Has been possible thanks to contributions on 16th and 17th December from

Kranthi Kasibhatla

Shivakumar Narayanan
Kavitha C

A.S.Arul Susidhar

Balaganeshkumar P

Subha M

Deepak Chander

Kamakshi

Vinod Prabhu

Rajan B

Ravi K Terala

Subash Thyagarajan

Adhvika G

RK Thanjavur

Pramod V
J

Dhanasekaran

Narayanan Ravi Chandran

Chinmayi Vinayakam

Karthik Veluchamy

B S Raji
Sivaramakrishnan Sankaran

Divya Kumar

Kalyanasundaram

Vamsi Krishna
Naveen Varadarajan
Mugil Arunan
Kothai
M Ganesan
Sankaranarayanan Natarajan
Saravanakumar Gopiraj
Nadhinee
Nathan Subramani
Aarthi Subramani
Vijay Chidambaram
Senthilkumar Murugesan
Avinash
Sudarshan Prabu
Manoj MC
Narendra A
C Ganesan
Sundar Andaperumal
Sreekrishnan
Santa Claus
Yogitharani
Muthu
Ajay Vejendla
Guru Prasath
Dhanasekaran
Rajhee Muthukumar
Vijaya Kumar Babu
ITIndia.com
Raj

When I actually signed up for this, I had no clue how this would work, whether I would be able to achieve this through social media and get the word out about NalandaWay and the Kannamma Project. Was a little nervous about keeping the pledge.

Hardly thought it would be done in 5 days starting from the 13th to before the end of 17th December. I had not asked anyone for funds to support any organization before. Whenever they came to I performed free and helped raise funds and made personal donations whenever possible. There was a standing joke in the community around that C for Charity is also C for Chinmayi. After a point I was giving only charity concerts and kinda also forgot that sometimes charity needs to also begin at home. Jokes apart, the response to the Kannamma project through Twitter, Facebook and also this blog has been heartwarming.

Once again Thank you to the contributors mentioned in this post and to those in the post below. You all have brightened the lives of so some beautiful girls out there and I wish that every time they smile, the warmth and happiness reaches your heart too. Every time they laugh may the joy find a resonance in your being. And every time their eyes light up, may you have brightness in your vision, literally or figuratively, as you may need it. May your dreams find fulfillment as the dreams of these children which are on their way to it.

God Bless and I ll tell Santa to pay you guys a visit this Christmas :p

The Kannamma Project of NalandaWay

2010-12-15T16:26:00.002+05:30

An American man was telling me a couple of days ago that India is a rich country and there is ability for Indians to pay for a service or make a donation. But the willingness is missing.

Since the time I blogged about the Kannamma Project or rather, the time I have been tweeting about it, close to 25,000/- INR has been donated to the project in less than 2 days.

Here is my personal Thank you to

Vijay Krishnan

Arun Vaidyanathan

K Narendra

Ganesh Prabu

Baskar

Venkatramaiah

Bhargavi

Eric Ambroise

Karthikeyan R

Barani Thilak

Veena Vijayan

Hariharan Sambath

Yegna

Yashwant Vijayakumar

Ram

Ramanan RS
Dinesh Thiagarajan

More on 15/December

Kathiresan Uncle
Rajalakshmi Muthukumarasamy
Maha Durairaj and Family
My Anonymous friend
Shankar Ram Venkatasubramaniam
Brice Robinson
Shreyas
Vijay
Akil
Kalaivanan Kumaran

Though officially I am called the champion of the Kannamma Project to raise the funds for them in addition to the others, you, the ones who have donated are the real champions and the real heroes.

Thank you for reading my tweet/blog, considering it and going the distance to donate the funds.

Much much appreciated.

God Bless

Raising funds for NalandaWay's Kannamma Project

2010-12-12T21:10:00.000+05:30

Sriram Iyer of Nalanda Way wrote to me asking me to be one of the champions of the Kannamma Project and I was supposed to give him a video too which I could not get myself to do as schedules were tight. I had heard about him and his work and he had touched base with me on Facebook a few times in the past. Supporting the cause of the marginalized girl child is special to me and since theirs is an art-based rehabilitation program, its special twice over.

"Marginalised girl children who are housed in residential care centres include orphans, juvenile delinquents, children rescued from bonded labour, sex work, conflict areas, refugees, children affected by HIV/ AIDS etc. These children are emotionally disturbed, have been physically abused, are prone to violent behaviour and may have been involved in crimes. They often fare poorly in school, yell or physically fight to handle social conflicts and are highly likely to engage in risky behaviours such as substance use, or unprotected sex. NalandaWay’s arts-based rehabilitation programme has helped such children overcome depression and disruptive behaviour and make successful transitions into the society.

The funds raised from this campaign will be utilized for an arts-based rehabilitation programme for marginalised girl children between the ages 12 and 20, in Government Homes in Tamil Nadu. These children would include orphans, destitute, street kids and other girl children from similar situations. This programme includes, arts training, lifeskills development, academic support, vocational training and livelihoods assistance"

This was also something Blue Elephant could be associated with as a part of our own Corporate Social Responsibility and this is a definite start for a lot more to come and to give back to the society and make it a better place than I found it. With foundations like NalandaWay it makes things a little easier.

If you would like to donate and support their cause, kindly click here

Though my pledge is to raise at least 1,00,000/- INR, I would happier if I could raise more for them.

The new Toyota Etios AD

2010-12-01T21:02:00.002+05:30

And I have been waiting like an excited kid just about to open a present. I sang this ad a couple of weeks ago and to finally sing the Toyota Etios tag line was quite an experience. I was kinda happy that I have also been able to sing an ad for Rahman sir. Something only the cream of singers have been able to do. The luckiest musicians IMO. Javed Ali and Madhushree have also sung in the track of 4:41 minutes.

This is the link to ad featuring Rahman sir http://fb.me/PfdYgh0L

And the link to the song. http://www.toyotaetios.in/l1/song.zip

The new Toyota Etios AD

2010-12-01T21:02:00.000+05:30

And I have been waiting like an excited kid just about to open a present. I sang this ad a couple of weeks ago and to finally sing the Toyota Etios tag line was quite an experience. I was kinda smiling to myself that I have also been able to sing an ad for Rahman sir. Something only the cream of singers have been able to do. The luckiest musicians IMO. Javed Ali and Madhushree have also sung in the track of 4:41 minutes.

This is the link to ad featuring Rahman sir http://fb.me/PfdYgh0L

And the link to the song. http://www.toyotaetios.in/l1/song.zip

The Blue Elephant receives an Award

2010-11-29T23:43:00.000+05:30

of Excellence from the SAARC Chamber for Women Entrepreneurship. The ceremony was this evening and it was a completely different experience for me meeting women from the SAARC nations and other awardees this evening, all wonderful ladies, 12 of them from India, Maldives, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Bhutan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka and Nepal.

Also heard that a lot more people in Pakistan had watched me in Chote Ustaad and also said they missed me in the show. Something I also got to learn from Ms Tina Sahni when I went to Hyderabad to perform for the Hindu November Fest. Somehow, Pakistan does not understand the fabled North-South divide :D

Nonetheless, receiving the award from the President of SAARC Chamber, Mr Huq, Consul General of the US Embassy Mr Simkin, Ms Indira Dutt of KPC, Ms Vinita Singhania of J K Lakshmi Cements was special. And for the first time, my mom told me she was proud of me.This was not an award that I ever thought I will get.

I started Blue Elephant on an over-fortnight decision thanks to a friend who told us to start the company watching what I was already doing as an individual. Blue Elephant, from then on, has grown, slowly and steadily. Clients have come in through references from one MNC to another. And they have stayed with us in all these years. I guess somewhere we have made the cut and have given our clients what they wanted.

We begin our training division very soon and are also in the process of tying up certain loose ends which did happen. The Blue Elephant has also not had a very easy journey. But thankfully God has been great and has helped us identify the right people and the wrong people at the right time.

My thanks go out to every one of the linguists (in Spain, USA, Argentina, Mexico, Poland, Denmark, Norway, Hungary, Turkey, Kuwait, Maldives, Burma, Finland, Iceland, France, Germany, Italy , Latvia, Lithuania, Australia, China, Japan, Thailand, Korea, the Czech Republic, Russia, Greece, Egypt, South Africa and the United Kingdom) that I have worked with and their excellent work. If not for them the company would not have come this far. My company is what it is because of them, their talent, sincerity and work ethics.

My thanks also go to my clients who have been with me, have stood by me and have also helped me in removing a weed or two, when they did crop up.

To Mrs Padmhasini, Partner, Blue Elephant and my mother for all the support and taking care of the operations.

My thanks to Amudhan of WOC , Abhishek Shah and Sandeep Makam of BePositive24 who gave my company its name and the logo. Also thanks to Amudhan for telling me why I should go with this name. That I love the elephant is a totally different thing altogether.

To BePositive24 for being a constant support through the journey.

To all the well-wishers for your good wishes and sending me the positive energy that drowns out the negativity that I sometimes have to face.

Thank you.

And to you I wish that you have several moments of happiness, success and support that you need and may it come to you from every direction so that you may realize the dreams. May you also make new dreams and also achieve successes in areas where you least expected. May you be happy and may your cup of joy overflow.

Concerts and experiences

2010-11-29T00:49:00.000+05:30

and performing at Hyderabad, Coimbatore and Bangalore was fulfilling, satisfying to say the least. So many members of the audience shouting out to us that this is the best evening that they have ever had and to us, that was music to our ears. We kept up our tradition of making the audience that reads The Hindu dance. And they are amazing sports. A lot of fun and not really much of the stiff-upper-lip types as they are portrayed to be. The audience also sang along several times. That's a lovely experience to be a part of. I hardly expected people to know me in Bangalore but they did. Some people in the audience asked me to sing Ghazals yesterday and since it was not supposed to be in the format of the show, decided to give it a skip. Yesterday was my first concert in Bangalore.

More importantly I had this wonderful breakfast session on the day of the concert at Coimbatore that lasted 4 hours. Not much eating but amazing conversation to be a part of, more as a listener. If we but listen, there is a lot that people want to say. And sometimes I wish and pray that the aural tradition that we are famous for in India, through which most of our culture, traditions and arts have been passing down generation after generation does not take a break thanks to the impatience and busy-ness of our times.

The trip to Bangalore was quite an experience to say the least. Since Coimbatore and Bangalore concerts were scheduled on consecutive days it was kinda hectic. Then the flight from Coimbatore to Bangalore got canceled. We decided to take the road to meet with a Road-roko ome 50 kms off Krishnagiri and were stalled for over 45 minutes and then a little bit of panic set in. Mom got down and literally haath-jodkar asked people to give way so that we could go. We were the last to be let before they completely blocked the highway, for God knows how long.

We reached the concert hall 20 minutes before the scheduled start and the car containing my clothes hadn't arrived. Bangalore being the city it is, you lose the way, you are a gone-case. 5 minutes before scheduled start the suitcase arrived and I had a two-song headstart with Srini sir beginning the concert.

Mahalakshmi Iyer, a singer I have always wanted to perform with was a part of the Bangalore show. She shared so many anecdotes and experiences that are possible only at such concert settings. She is an amazing person.
When I joined the audience in the hall to sing along toward the end, some of them took away my mic. One member of the audience came on stage, took my mic and finished singing an the entire song of Chin Chin chu and I was quite amused by the entire goings-on.

I had to drive back to Chennai last night as I had to speak at the plenary session of the SAARC Chamber Council for Women Entrepreneurs this morning. I met some outstanding ladies like Ms Gariyali, IAS Officer, Ms Rasheeda Bhagat of the Hindu Businessline, Ms Janaki Pillai of Ability Foundation, Ms Indira Dutt of KCP Ltd, Ms Rajyalakshmi Rao who has been with the District forum, State and National commissions for Consumer Redressal, Ms Rohini, Ms Sharon Apparao of Apparao Galleries and Ms Radha Parthasarathy who has done some amazing work at Thandalam.

More than anything else, the HNF concerts have given me memories to cherish, absolutely good music from some stellar musicians from Kerala and Chennai and lovely times.

Hectic activity ahead for Blue Elephant ahead and I totally looking forward to it.

To sum it all up, Musafir Hoon Yaaron... Mujhe Chalte Jaana hai.. Bas.... Chalte jaana!

What I sometimes do in my spare time

2010-11-23T13:15:00.000+05:30

is bake. The obsession started sometime earlier this year. And have been baking away. Bought a small oven and then bought a bigger one, with whatever sad contraptions that are available in the name of convection ovens (not microwave) in Chennai.

My mother was mostly complaining that I would never step into the kitchen except of course to make tea or coffee and then suddenly baking started. Coming to think of it, I don't know when and how I started off with this. Maybe a friend goaded me into it. And that was the beginning of this hobby. Yes, I think the credit goes to her and she said lets bake this weekend. And we first tried a chocolate fudge microwave oven cake. Which came out well enough since we followed a microwave oven recipe. But figured microwave ovens, even if they have the convection mode are not designed for serious baking at all.

And I have fallen hook, line and sinker into this hobby. Eggless baking mind you. Which meant checking out all the vegan baking books and just checking out what they do instead of eggs. And next calling friends over and asking them to try this and try that.

Breads and cakes and cookies and now icecream. Finally invested in a Kitchenaid stand mixer and its attachment when I went to Canada. And its fun. My mom however, still thinks this is a temporary obsession. And I think twice before baking cookies in this Sunflame OTG. But I figured the world really has not come to thinking of freestanding ovens for people like me. Friends of mine who have also recently taken to this dont want to get into the headache of calling their carpenter and redesigning kitchens for the sake of this. And though we want to fly high in baking wonderland, we find our wings clipped. Oh, the woes! :p

Nevertheless, to you, I'd suggest you try some sort of a food preparation except instant food, of course. I am sure doing this on a daily basis is ho-hum. But check out baking. Its quite a wonderful experience.

2010-11-22T11:23:00.005+05:30

After quite a sabbatical from reading, I finished a couple of books in two days. Dreams in Prussian Blue and No God in Sight. Though I am no fan of fiction, I was drawn to reading Dreams... when a friend told me the story, seamlessly and in one flow. These two are page turners. Have 'Bombay' as the backdrop.

And for me, they are slightly gloomy. but I loved reading them nonetheless. Loved the narrative.

Nothing can be truer than the fact that books open up vistas you never knew existed or sometimes just become peep holes. Peepholes that could lead you to opening the door or just say OKThxBai, I'd rather not cross the threshold into whatever lies beyond that door. The mystery or maybe fear of not knowing what is beyond. And the fear that we could actually get lost in the nothingness of it all and horror of horrors, even like it, finally.

Looking out of the window into a rain-washed city now that is trying to find some warmth and those who go on the roads wish, that the sun that peeps through the clouds would miraculously vacuum out the slush and murky brown and grey waters on the road and that their clothes could be saved the assault. We go here and there, rush about with this and that, lead the lives we lead, believing and kidding ourselves that it all has a purpose, when there is actually none, perhaps. All this, for what? The questions that has loomed heavily and largely over our heads, over our beings. And then we try and erase it frantically like a kid that wipes out mathematics theorems from the blackboard, wishing that it can be blotted out until the next fateful hour the next day.

And we derive happiness and sadness, confusing purpose or the lack of it from all this transitoriness. Contemplate unsettlingly about all this, but go back to the familiar, and comfortable familiarity of that which has been done for aeons. Because it is easy to lapse into familiar drudgery than explore the scary beyond that we know nothing about. What if we actually see nothing, hear nothing and know nothing? Would we be happy that we started out in the first place?

Its easy being who we are. Doing the things we do. Singing the next song, humming the next tune, doing our next degree, working up the next rung in the cliched corporate ladder, lah-di-dah.

And while I thought about all this, the phone rings for me to give a sound-byte to a radio station.

Next up - Coimbatore and Bangalore.

2010-11-16T15:11:00.001+05:30

The show in Hyderabad was amazing to say the least. I was performing there for the first time and also perhaps the first time with Shwetha Mohan. Only thing, this was a concert for which I had absolutely no rehearsal. My travel plans upset a lot of things. And on the day of the show, the flight had to be diverted to Bangalore instead of Hyderabad and I landed late. And hence missed the rehearsal that was happening that morning. Just got to check a couple of songs, during the sound check. But that was about it. Over and above that, battling an oncoming cold and a throat infection and making sure that it does not get worse.... But then that's the story of our lives.
Post the show, when I got tweets from some people saying that it was the best concert that they had attended in their 23 years in Hyderabad, I felt completely gratified. We had the audience dancing with us for the final couple of numbers. I happened to spot Anuj Gurwara in the audience and asked him to join us on stage. Strangely he had just messaged another friend of mine a couple of minutes before I called him up, that he wished that he could be on stage with us. Talk of immediate wish fulfillment :) He rocked it too.

I had amazing stage monitors, again a rarity these days, though I wonder why. Once we know how we sound everything is a breeze. Otherwise its a total disaster.

Performing at the Corporation Kalaiarangam on the 26th and the next day, the 27th at Bangalore Jnana Jyoti Convention Center. This will also be my first concert in Bangalore and am completely looking forward to the experience.

The Hindu November Fest

2010-11-09T08:54:00.001+05:30

And I am a part of it yet again. This time round we are performing Hindi Retro Numbers in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Coimbatore.

November 14th at Ravindra Bharathi, Public Garden Road, Saifabad, Hyderabad- 500004,

November 26th at Coimbatore: Corporation Kalaiarangam, R.S. Puram, Coimbatore.

November 27th Bangalore: Jnana Jyothi Convention Centre, Central College Campus, Bangalore.

I will be performing with Srinivas sir, Haricharan and Shwetha Mohan. Mahalakshmi Iyer would be performing at Bangalore alone. And am soo looking forward to this series once again.

You can see the rest of the line-up and buy tickets here

And as they say, Let the Music Begin!

New Releases - Engeyum Kadhal

2010-11-09T08:50:00.000+05:30

Quite a few lately in Telugu Kannada and Tamil. Shopping Mall in Telugu, Minnal Minnum and a few more plus a song that I have been looking forward to ever since the day I recorded it. In Engeyum Kaadhal composed by Harris sir.
I sing with Harish Raghavendra after quite a while. One of our memorable duets was Noothana from this film called Karka Kasadara.
After singing this song, I felt in love with the world and yes that is quite a possible feeling. Working with Harris sir has been wonderful. Especially after Varayo and thanks to that song most of the awards were given to me, all credit and thanks to him. I can safely say a few more people began liking my work after this song. The audio is said to hit the stores tomorrow and the teasers that I have heard so far does not feature my voice. Teased me enough as far as I am concerned.
Also worked with Madhan Karky, the illustrious son of Vairamuthu sir in this song. Remember him walking in and was wondering who this college-goer was. Turns out he does go to University, but to teach! He happens to be a professor at Anna University. Lovely lyrics and he was also teaching us some new things about the iPad which had just come in at that time. After the recording, I also heard a few other songs of the album and a singer that is introduced anew is Aalaap Raju. He is a really good guitarist but makes his debut as a singer with this one. After I heard the songs I asked Harris sir how soon the album would release and all he did was give his trademark giggle. Soon, is all he could say. I loved listening to album and hope you do too.

Travels and music

2010-11-09T08:38:00.000+05:30

If there is something called deafening silence, I heard it at Canada. All the time. Silence so loud that it wants to make its presence felt in your ears every milisecond of the moment. A silence so silent that you wish it would break the spell itself. The winter silence perhaps. Or perhaps the country as not so populated and milling with crowds and their melange of various thoughts through the day. Also because of the timing of my flight or whatever the reason may be, the thought kept coming to my head, while traveling to Canada, I was chasing sunset and on my way back home, I was chasing sunrise. A lot more times these days, I find myself silent and observant rather than wanting to speak.

Anyway, that apart, I performed Kilimanjaro for the first time overseas at Canada with a really amazing head-dress that the group Agni had got for me.

Just so happened that they had made it in blue and it just so happened that it matched my clothes to a tee. Synchronicity or what!
The show was really well put together and I loved my sojourn there and finally made my way back to enough and more noise, typical Diwali style, even at the middle of the night back home :)
A lot more coming up. And Soon !

Endhiran Songs Special

2010-10-25T12:32:00.001+05:30

Was telecast for the on SUN TV yesterday and in case you didn't catch it, here are the links pertaining to Pudhiya Manidha and Kilimanjaro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G32f-buhd8&feature=player_embedded#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGCWCUM9ZtA&feature=player_embedded

For me, the surprising thing of this feature, is though I had no clue when Javed had shot and when I had shot. But we seem to be on the same pitch! Just noticed.... Ah well! Good to be on the same note!

Performing at Canada - 30 and 31 October, International Center

2010-10-25T00:57:00.000+05:30

So many days since the last post and so much has happened. Tweeting kinda steals the thunder from blogging. From watching the FDFS of Endhiran to being in Canada now for a concert its been an eventful 3 weeks.

Last month when I had traveled to Hyderabad to receive the SouthScope award for Best Female Playback Singer, Anushka Shetty and Director Krish made the moment extra special. Meeting Anushka was one of the best parts of the trip.

Have started dubbing for a couple of films and shall update here in this space later, when it is time for release.

Being on Sanjay Pinto's Chennai Speaks Out was an amazing experience for me, especially in the company of Sri Sudhangan and Sri Gnani. Though I have known of them, I met them for the first time thanks to the show and I learnt a heaven of a lot of things. So many things from history that they quoted and shared on and off the show. A lot about music and composers. They both are like encyclopaedia. Also met Mr Sreedhar Pillai of TOI thanks to the show, a highly knowledgeable person and senior journalist. A lot of times, I have heard my mother say that the generation today lacks the advantage of satsangati. Of being in the presence of exalted and intellectual company where all that we need to do is keep both eyes and ears open. There would be so much to learn, through the Karna Parampara. The Parampara or the lineage of the ear. Of listening. God has been kind by providing me such experiences and I hunger for more. The other day, in Mumbai I was fixing the strings of my Sarangi and I ran into a senior classical musician. And heard him speak on the traditions of music. Could not be help be enraptured. If we but listen there is so much to learn.

Vijayadasami was a wonderful day and a day that I will cherish in my fondest memories. A reinforcement that dreams come true. Even if it were only a wish. Had started losing hope on certain things but a beam of light does shine through to show hope. And there comes the reason to hang on, again.

Was also a part of the Director's Union D40 event, celebrating 40 years of the Directors Union. Listening to Mrs Radhika Sarathkumar's speech had the entire audience rolling in laughter. The lady is brave as a lioness. But I am not willing to reveal too much here basically because I do not want to be a killjoy.

As for me I am just looking forward to performing this weekend at the International Center in Toronto. And perhaps get some stuff for my new found passion in baking. Canada and US being Baking-ingredients-wonderlands that they are!! Wondering if I should also let my hosts to experience the result of my baking, which I assure you are pretty decent, eggless and all. The friends that have eaten my baking creations are all alive well, healthy and have remained so from the moment they ingested it. Thank God for small mercies :p

But jokes apart, really love this hobby. If you don't bake, maybe you should try it sometime? Its good fun!

ENNNNNNNDHIRAAAAAAA

2010-10-01T22:27:00.003+05:30

The voice of Hariharan ji singing that word kept echoing in my head for the past couple of days until this morning. Caught the show at 8 AM, or rather intended to. Which started late. And then there was another technical glitch, which made the lot of some 300 in that particular screen enjoy two intervals. One intended by the director and the other totally not :)

Maybe because of the screen I watched it in, the audience were a little less evocative about shouting out to thalaivar. But I guess the point is the movie kept us so darn engrossed that we forgot a lot of things. More than anything, there were no punch dialogues. And hence no chance to shout out. Could not help feeling slightly emotional when I saw Kilimanjaro on screen. Silent thanks went out to Rahman sir.

Nothing compares the experience of watching a thalaivar film on the first day. Its almost like a festival, methinks. Only that eppo varum epdi varum nu sollavae mudiyaadhu!

Right after the film I went into NDTV for their Endhiran special, wherein they interviewed several technicians that were part of the project. Mr Sanjay Pinto was kind enough to spend some time and had a great time catching up with him. It was amazing to learn how the media helps maintain peace and calm in a country. For all the media bashing that I have seen and heard, there is a lot more than meets the eye.

As or Endhiran, Whattttte film is all I will and can say. Friends of mine have caught 3 shows of it already at various theatres. Have fun. Its truly a spectacle and complete paisa vasool.

TEDxChennai on October 10 2010

2010-09-28T22:12:00.000+05:30

Less than two weeks and I have been looking forward to this since last year to be honest, the minute TEDxChennai Edition 1 wrapped up and everyone posed for pictures.
I went to a couple of the organizers meetings this time whenever I could and hope to be of help to the committee as much as I can.
Being a part of that event was a full day of positive energy and to you, I would suggest, or rather urge you to be a part of the audience. Its a day well invested.
Book your tickets here at http://www.TEDxChennai.com

Jhootha Hi Sahi

2010-09-19T09:32:00.003+05:30

Have sung Maiyya Yashoda (The Jamuna Mix and The Thames mix) in this album with Javed Ali and this recording session was one that I would never forget. I met Mr Tyrewala for the second time and it was a wonderful experience to be a part of this recording. Javed Ali recorded this song while his mother was getting a surgery done in Delhi so it was quite hectic for him.

Rahman sir told me to sing and sound the way I do in this song. Like a really young girl, not that I am a hag now, but still, to bring in the chirpiness of a younger girl.

Meeting Mr Tyrewala was like meeting a really wonderful professor and listening to a wonderful address. Not sure if he would take it as a compliment but in the conversation that I had with him, I had a great time listening to him on philosophy and his interpretation of some of the myths and legends of India to the best way to eat waffles. He is most definitely a food aficionados and remember him mentioning about a really wonderful Chinese restaurant in Shimla, if I am not mistaken. Like Vir Sanghvi, he also said that the Chinese food that we eat in India is not Chinese.

Needless to say some of the best conversations that I have had are with the creative people, the wonderful people that are part of the process of making the films that we love to watch. I have not met too many people in the literary and art world yet but hopefully that will lead me to some wonderful learning as well.

Like this time I met Mr Iqbal Patni, the poet and heard him speak, albeit briefly on cars, which one to buy and which one not to.

To me, singing for and working under Rahman sir is like being in a Himalayan ashram with a Guru. There is tranquility and somehow even if I have had a really terrible day, everything just vanishes, as far as I am concerned, as soon as I meet him. His hours of rigorous spiritual practice and communion with the Almighty has this effect on other people I would daresay. Someday, I hope to have the same sort of a positive effect on the people that I meet.

Enjoy the album and you can listen to it on http://www.saregama.com and when you do want to download, please make it legal.

Thanks and God Bless.

2010-09-13T02:05:00.001+05:30

Each of us has a gift I feel. Someone told me that music is the language of the Gods and to be able to speak it is a blessing in itself. And also that same someone told me that I am here to amuse the Gods. Though there are times when I look skywards, because eventhough the Supreme Being is all pervading and everywhere, thoonilum-thurumbilum types and all that, it just is instinctive to look skywards for some reason whenever I feel like conversing with this person who thinks I am for his amusement and tell him (and please, "How do you know its a 'HIM'" is cliched), that maybe while its good he is being amused, I actually do not find all the goings on funny. And maybe he can work on my amusement once in a while.

At a time when there is mostly silence all around me but for this amazing composition that I choose to play that wafts, entwines through every cell in the air around me, seeping it with a flavour, a fragrance that when I look at this curtain rippling near me by the window, I wonder if it is the breeze or the notes. Ah well, that's just me being romantic.

The past couple of days I have been a part of an amazingly beautiful creative process. Attempted singing a song that is quite drenched in Carnatic classical expression. And learnt so much through it all. We meet so many people, are drained through some meetings, exhilarated by some, tired of some, some affect us and some do not even have the effect like maybe a baby's breath may have on a lock of hair. The past couple of days, has left me grateful for being born as me. Thankful for the people I meet. Especially for the songs I get to sing. And this amazing veteran composer and a gentleman that I have met and have got to know.

God does exist around us. He is someone with a piquant sense of humour. He exists in the people that we meet. And there are times when he comes through. And for the agnostics and atheists, look at it as some sort of a magic. Inexplicable, enigmatic and lovely.

At times that I sing, its almost like something reaches out to me and a sense of peace and serenity settles in me. I felt like that the past couple of days. When the time is right, I shall tell you which song I am talking about.

At this time, I feel like diving into deep blue sky.

For you, I wish that you go through this enough number of times, revel in it, get drenched in it to the very nucleus of every cell of your being. Enough number of times. Like you closing your eyes and smiling a smile that magnifies a million times in your mind's eye. To feel the love, peace and beauty of this thing called life. For you, I wish that you find your gift that is a part of you. Become one with it and let it find expression in you. Love yourself, love and give freely.

Tathaastu and God bless.

Vinayaka Chaturthi special on Isaiaruvi

2010-09-12T10:48:00.000+05:30

For those of you that asked me for the link.
Hope you all had a wonderful Ganesh Chaturthi. Ganpati Bappa Morya!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u10Qj9y5ruw&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CuWjwjNRvI&feature=player_embedded#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThnNiGpWA5I&feature=player_embedded#!

Meera

2010-09-12T10:46:00.002+05:30

I am the voice of this new sitcom on Vijay TV which shall telecast Monday through Thursday at 20:00. I guess this would be the first title song that I have sung in Vijay TV
Hope you guys enjoy the show as well.

2010-09-01T18:06:00.002+05:30

Have been listening to some music from Pakistan and Punjab. And am blown away by the beauty of the lyrics.

And the more I listen to some notes that come from some musicians the more I see the musician and his song are so entwined with each other that maybe after a point, for me, I do not see the two different entities. The song becomes the songster. The songster becomes the song.

The beauty of the words that have been strung together by fingers holding a pen or, if I may be dreamy, a quill perhaps, with fingers stained dark from the ink. Maybe like the delicate fingers that play on a stringed instrument, where long after the notes have ceased to resonate, the strings have left a mark on the fingers that played them out. I also wonder how did the poets who were men understand the sentiment of a woman, especially the wedding songs of Punjab, so much that he goes to describe how she would feel when she leaves her father's home.

I, was thinking today that I am blessed to be born a musician more than anything else. And so thankful that I was not born a Gandu who did not understand notes or tones. Or music at all.

The Sufi, it is said, pehle hi sab kucch haar ke aata hai. That he has already lost everything. He has lost his people, his home, his wealth, his mind even, in search of the Ultimate One. In search of the One with whom he could be one with for eternity. For the One whom he pines for. The same way Meera pined. Or how Aandal pined.

(At this point I remember how there are times that I pine for a good monitor on stage. That's a different sort of pining altogether, anyway :) )

I wish today, that some day I'll sing like the Sufi. Or I be like Meera or Aandal.

And to you, the reader (not sure if you can sing or play or an instrument), I wish for you that you experience the pure emotion of your eyes welling up as an expression of that which wells up within you. Like maybe, a beautiful flowery creeper that twines around your soul and squeezes it enough to make you shed tears but leaves you with a fragrance that you could get a whiff of, every time you close your eyes. Its a wonderful feeling. May you also pine for something but I won't wish that for too long for you though, and may you get what you pine for, if that makes you happy. May you be joyous.

May you be blessed, on this Krishna Jayanti. May Lord Krishna bless you.

Tathaaastu.

2010-08-29T00:43:00.001+05:30

More often than not, while doing the things that I do, meeting the people that I meet and facing times and circumstances that I face, I think back on the time of the cliched age of innocence.

Happiness at a time meant owning a Pilot microtip pen. Or to own a Sheaffer. Going to the teacher with the monthly test/exam asking for a 're-total' or ask for an extra mark and feel proud to get 47 and 1/2. (on 50) Where 1/2 was written like a 1 and a stylized E in red. A so-called fashion show, where someone would be crowned Miss 6A. With other classmates for judges. Of 'crowns' made of pink cardboard and sequins. Of referring to glitter as 'jigina'. Of being caught by the Physics teacher on "WHY DID YOU HAVE A MISS 6A CONTEST??"

Of watching the faces of the top three rank holders in class figure who trounced the other by a fraction of a quarter mark. And then the utter surprise on their faces to find an underdog. Of crushes and I LOVE YOU greeting cards when, I wonder if people even understood what all that meant. Of unfortunately watching a boy who gave a so-called card, getting thrashed by the Mathematics teacher.

I happened to think about the Pilot pen and the Geometry box and everything else a couple of days ago and read a lovely post by one of my friends on similar lines.

I wonder if as children, we had something called an Ego. If we bothered about who had the last word. Where the biggest disappointment would probably be not having your parent come home in time, or get to see you favorite TV Show, or maybe get fever before a game or something, but be deliriously happy if it had to be about missing an exam. I was a weird kid though. I remember my mother telling me that they (my grandmom and I ) used to be scared to tell me that Saturday and Sunday meant no school. Heard I used to bawl that there was no school. I finished an entire year's work book in a day and got slapped by the teacher for that. And then my mother asking the teacher not to beat me if I finished books like that, (because she was in a dilemma wondering what to do for an entire year) and that she would supply more if needed.

Happiness was also going to school on a rained out day. Being one of the very few kids in class. I don't wax eloquently about college because I personally had decided no college in Chennai was going to let me go without harping on the attendance and to me music was more important than marking attendances. Hence it was Madras Univ for me.

In retrospect, its funny how the word "partiality" was some sort of a buzz word during school. Getting my LadyBird bicycle. Pink and all. The only thing I remember which was pink in my entire stuff of things that I had. I could not bear the mauve version that they had. Pink was the only other option that I had. The basket and all that. Buying milk from a vending booth. Calm. Quiet.

Would we be happier if we remembered to remain the children that we were?

Why did so many of us grow up in ways we should not have. Wonder if it is growing up at all. In a lot of cases, we have grown down. Shrunk our horizons. Love less. Accept less. Listen even less.

With so much noise, within and without, who is even bothered about listening. Whether it is listening to oneself or listening to someone else?

For once I do not have a wish to end this post with.

As an afterthought, maybe I do.

I wish for you that you can play out the memories that give you a sense of poignancy, a yearning for a time that is gone, even if it is only for a little while, something that leaves your throat a little constricted and your heart a little heavy, in your mind's eye. Something that leaves you with a watery smile. And then of course all our everythingness and nothingness will take over. As it usually does.
.................................. ... ... ... .

Last day on Chhote Ustaad today

2010-08-15T10:12:00.002+05:30

I am signing off this show for the last time today. I loved being a part of it and more than anything else, nothing could have been better for me to finally see Asha Ji and then say thank you :) It was even more awesome to interact with Sonu ji and Raahat ji, not to mention Omi (who I hope will also find his way into Tamil films).

It was lovely working with the team and my thanks go to Saibaba Telefilms and Gaj-ji who believed that a Tamil girl could be on a Hindi channel. More lovely to listen to the children while I was there. It requires guts to have an India-Pakistan show with so many challenges happening, which I am sure you would know of. And kudos to Star Plus and Saibaba for that. My sincere thanks to Hemant ji, Santhosh ji, Faizaan, Bani-ji, and Meena for their time with me and their belief. Also to the god-awesome stylist, goes without saying that whoever watched the show loved my clothes and we finally have a stylist that I love to work with.

My thanks also go to the ladies and gentlemen that I interacted with in the short stint.

Huge thanks go particularly to the entire gamut of the South Indian audience in North India for their support and love. Thank you for your love and I will be a more worthy singer and performer in the years to come.

In this particular post, I am not allowing comments and neither answer any questions that you might have because there are times in life that we cannot give the answers that are solicited.

To you all, much love and when you are given an opportunity and there is someone to have the faith in you to take you to a territory that you did not think you could enter, do so. And take that leap of faith. May you have new experiences, newer territories to conquer and lovely times in addition to some difficult times. It makes the win all the more worth it :)

P.S.: Was quite looking forward to the kids performance of Jai Ho on the show today. And strangely it was edited out. Wonder why. I guess they ran out of time.

2010-08-14T10:29:00.000+05:30

Life can be pretty strange at times. To an extent when you do not know whether you are supposed to be happy or sad or maybe, both at the same time. Wondering which responsibility comes first, that of a family member or that of a professional.

Sangeetha Maha Yuddham, Day 1 of the shoot my mother fell through a gap in the set, an area which should have been marked for safety (However expecting all that in India is futile) and had a compound fracture in her foot. For the next week until the mad schedule of 3 episodes a day was over, she kept telling me it was only a sprain and that there is nothing wrong. She came in a miniature plaster and said that is just to keep the foot stable. She did such a good job of convincing me that I did get convinced. And during the time that she was in hospital and getting all this done was when a couple of wardrobe malfunctions had happened. A lot of times, we are hurried to say, the "floor is ready" and rushed and rushed and then we hardly have the time to notice the flaws in the appearance. Any more time spent in it and I start worrying if I become the reason for any delay. Some sort of a skewed sense of responsibility I guess. Thereafter a lot of people advised me that the anchor is the face of a show and there is a lot more responsibility in presenting myself well than being there on the sets before everyone else. Things I still learn. Anyway it was only at the end of that schedule that I knew that mom had had that fracture and it took her two months to heal.

Second schedule of SMY, I land here after the shoot in Mumbai, to know that my grandmother, the lady in whose care I was through my childhood, had passed away. And for all the inner battle I went through, I had to stay and shoot and look happy/energetic/laugh/dress up in makeup and jewelery and make it all look genuine Who cares, anyway, if I was sick, or my grandmother had died, or something else had happened. The dates of everyone else, the floor, the unit, the set and so much money was at stake. It was worse for my mom. And I had to be and finish the shoot and continue shooting for the next 3 days at the same maniacal pace. I could not see the face of one of the most important women in my life for the last time. But then, I guess a situation like this may not be new, even to you, the reader. If someone is representing your organization and something like this happens, I have heard of people go ahead and do the needful in the professional front and then be back.

Now there is a strange sense of placidity within. I am, however, not questioning the meaning of it all, or what truly matters at the end of the day. All I could do was send a prayer out to my grandmom. And hope she will forgive me. 3rd day from her passing, I picked up the Filmfare. And the photographer who took my picture with the award said, "Could you please look happier? Smile more? Energy!!!!" I guess through all that some melancholy had filtered through. And no one has time or energy for your melancholy. Your battles, your issues are your own. And we have got to deal with it and walk the walk and talk the talk.

This week on Chhote Ustaad

2010-08-13T14:42:00.002+05:30

has the legendary Asha ji as a guest Judge. It was amazing meeting her, getting to share floor space with her and I got to sing Konjam Naeram for her, when she asked me to sing a Tamil song. When I said, would they let me sing a Tamil song in a Hindi channel, she said "Chennai Hindustan mein hai". And after a little thought I sang Konjam Naeram, at the behest of Sonu ji and thereafter told the surprised audience, contestants, Sonu ji and Raahat ji that the song was sung by none other than her. I sang 4 lines and Asha ji told me to sing again. If only my costume had permitted me and if it were only possible to do so, I would have prostrated at her feet. Just did half of it though. There was soooo much I learned from her during the few hours I spent with her. It was a dream come true.

I was overwhelmed when I saw her. To me she signifies the epitome of versatility. There might have been various singers who attempted to sound like legendary singers or would have come down their school of thought but I am yet to come across someone who has the lahza and the andaaz of Asha ji. She is definitely inimitable. And is named the 50 iconic musicians of the world and there is a poll running here, where you can vote for whom you consider iconic.

I have heard so many people telling me here that they are envious of me being on the same show as Sonu Nigaam. He is one helluva performer, note perfect singer as has been mentioned by a few writers before, forthright and not afraid to speak what he believes is right. I respect him for the performer that he is. He taught me a few things on hosting and getting things right which I think I have mentioned in an earlier blog. He seems like a man who does not take bullcrap from anyone. Most my interactions with Sonu ji is limited to on Camera and with Rahat ji its even less. I really did not get the opportunity to speak to him much. Schedules are such that it does not give anyone the time for talking and whatever extra time I have, I utilize it to rehearse with Omi.

I wish, also for selfish reasons as for the kids, that I get to see more legendary musicians on the show.

Do watch the Independence day special of Chhote Ustaad this weekend.

Featured in Rising India - Culturama Magazine

2010-08-11T14:02:00.001+05:30

Have been featured in Culturama in the Rising India story for Music. After a while I wasn't asked the usual questions. Thanks Poonam!

My first Filmfare

2010-08-11T13:55:00.000+05:30

I won on Saturday. For Varayo Varayo and right after I flew to Mumbai. Have had a sleepless couple of weeks now and couldn't find the time to blog about it, though I did tweet the news.

I walked into the ceremony found my seat and right after that my award was announced. Was good timing I thought that day or would have missed receiving it.

I also did not think I would get to win the Filmfare this time after being nominated before. Nevertheless it was really wonderful to get the award. Varayo's 4th award this year so far and all credit goes to Harris sir.

Manathodu Mano - Part 2

2010-07-31T15:09:00.002+05:30

http://tamil.techsatish.net/file/manathodu-mano-8/

Endhiran

2010-07-31T12:51:00.000+05:30

Kilimanjaro, a duet with Javed Ali. I was quite tickled and was giggling about the lyrics. Really fun lyrics I thought. Javed Ali is a soft spoken, sweet person. And really loved his style of rendition. The session was super fun through and through. From the time I stepped in to Rahman sir's studio and recorded this song I have been praying for it.

Its hard to describe how do I spell the "tcht tcht" in the song? Well I guess you ll know what I am trying to write about once you hear it. And that I think is my favourite portion in the song.

I presume this is the song that was shot in Peru / Machu Pichu with all the fancy headgear. And Superstar's style - Thalaivaaaaaa!!!! I cannot wait to watch the film and scream all through the FDFS.

I think the first ever FDFS of a film in my life was Shivaji. Cannot forget that day. Whatte-n experience. I couldn't hear a single dialogue. But that is not the point is it? All we can do is cheer and scream every time Thalaivar came on screen.

And now to wait for the film...

Please do buy the original CDs.

2010-07-24T12:19:00.002+05:30

www.dailymotion.com/video/xe4uf9_manathodu-mano-part-1_shortfilms
www.dailymotion.com/video/xe4uk2_mano-2_shortfilms
www.dailymotion.com/video/xe4umn_mano-3_shortfilms
www.dailymotion.com/video/xe4upa_mano-4_shortfilms

I found this uploaded somewhere. This is for those who mailed me asking for a link.

Glad

2010-07-23T21:22:00.002+05:30

the way the show came out today. One of the rarest shows where the sound came out right and I am happier as a performer. By the time I get the sound, I actually never do, most of the channels don't give me a proper monitor, neither do most of the shows that I have been a part of. I like the way somehow singers from everywhere else sit for even 2 hours, impatiently and get it done. I remember the concert in IIT, when a visibly upset Sonuji ask "Who put the monitors here" and proceeded to physically move them himself. And right then and there for the next 10-15 minutes or so, he got the sound rectified and went on with the show. I wish I can learn that from him. I always used to think if I asked too many times then the sound engineers will get pissed and screw it all up, so I ll grin and bear it. And will always be dissatisfied with how the sound turned out. I must probably learn to do that in some studios while recording too. I haven't got the guts to ask for what I am entitled to yet. Anyway, just got a tweet from someone which said I am going to be in 3 channels over the next week. Star Plus, Sun TV and Jaya TV.

Also read an article that language seems to be one of the biggest topics of discussion on the sets of Chote Ustaad. Small wonder there, especially with Omi and I. We are giving everyone nice gags :D

Manadhodu Mano

2010-07-22T22:33:00.004+05:30

with me as the guest will be telecast tomorrow on Jaya TV. It was quite a demonstration of most of the songs that I have sung and also there was this point in the show when Mano sir asked what is it that I wanted to share about my life. I also finally got to say what I really felt about Rahman sir and how that opportunity was to me. Rahman sir, at the time when he gave me Kannathil Muthamittaal showed us the beacon of hope, like a farishta, lit a path when there was only mai iruttu around. So many times I have spoken of my mother. So many times have I been criticized, called names by comments in this very blog by anonymous dumb-behinders who so easily type whatever comes to their minds. Time and again am I reminded of what Sri Bhimsen Joshi said a couple of decades ago on this Marathi show called Chehra Aani Mukhavata (In Marathi, means the face and the profile. FYI - I grew up in Mumbai, my early childhood was spent there and at that point in time I could speak no other language other than Marathi and some Hindi. Of course a lot of people told me that I should have publicized this, jocularly, so that I could have become more popular ... hehe. I also wonder how my grandmother understood me. She spoke no English/Marathi/Hindi. Only Tamizh...well that's for a different post) wherein, he said if someone had to walk the path that he had, gone through the experiences that he had, the jagged stones and thorns that were laid out to him, then no one would ever want to be him and even remotely wish to live his life.

And the very same way if someone had to have gone through what my mother had or what sometimes, I got a glimpse of while peeping through the shield that she had become, once in a while, I am not sure if I could have withstood all that. Some day and perhaps some day soon, I shall write about the life of this lady who had the gumption. This lady who is my mother. Very few people I know have that gumption. About the people she met. About the people she met, no thanks to my career and the blows she had to take.

Yes, time and again and again, I would ask, if I were given one wish, I would change the 18 years of struggle my mother went through. I would change her life.
Because like one of the music directors I worked with said, the only way that someone can disturb you is when they can hit out at your family member. Especially the one they think are closest to you. Are most important to you.

So here is my word out to you. When someone makes a family member of yours a target, remember the actual target is you. Not them. And if you have a talented child in your family and you want to take them to glory (parent/sibling/anyone else) - remember the world is not out there to spread the red carpet out for you. And if you are plain-speaking and the no-nonsense type, it is going to be tougher.

We have walked out of a lot of places which no longer walked their talk. At the end of the day, like my mother says I stand in front of God with a clear conscience. I can still sleep well (That is, if I am not too excited to sleep that is.. :)) I can look anyone in the eye, honestly and challenge them for what is righteous. Even if God had to stand in front of me, I can fight with him. That is if I want to fight. A lot of us read that nice guys finish last. Maybe. Maybe not. But that is a life that is worth living.

To everyone who is fighting a battle, keep the faith. Like Rahman sir showed us the light, there will be someone for you too. Keep the faith and may God bless you.

An award and a nomination

2010-07-22T22:12:00.000+05:30

Won Best Female Playback Singer award for Varayo at the Isaiaruvi awards. Happened to perform there as well. Since this was all over Twitter and was also published in papers I thought I might as well publish it here.
Have also been nominated at the Filmfare, my second nomination after Sahana. The other nominees are Rita for Allegra, Suchitra for Oru Chinna Thamarai, Harini for Hasili Fisili and Shreya Ghoshal for Oru Vetkam.

Hosting Chote Ustaad on Star Plus

2010-07-21T21:34:00.003+05:30

The show starts beaming from July 24. The Judges being Sonu Nigaam, a singer and a performer that I have admired from the time I was in school and the legendary Ustad Rahat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab.

Right now you must be thinking that Anandha Vikatan got it right. Or maybe they were an oracle. This show and my going there got discussed in finality and confirmed as of 5 days ago and all that I knew was I had to take the next flight to Mumbai for a day. And thanks to jet flights, I go in the morning and come back in the night once work is over to my own home in Chennai.

The show has kids from Pakistan and India participating and am amazed at the talent and more importantly the attitudes and the mindset of the children there. An ocean of difference from lots of kids that I have seen so far. Also for the first ever time, or maybe its the way Sri Gajendra Singh functions, I saw everything on paper, on what will happen when, a proper run order and a discussion with the directors thankfully a day before the show and there are no surprises. A lot more methodology, discipline and professionalism in the way of functioning. Work starts on time. Nothing is forced and the kids are just the way they are. The kids definitely have the tameez as they say and I am seeing the genuine respect to music and they are there for the sake of music. Not for anything else. Also did not see contestant badmouthing the judges, as I have seen before. Which was also telecast I guess. Not for cars and houses and money. And more than anything else, I love the concept of the jodi between a Pakistani child and an Indian child as a team making up 10 teams altogether, thereby ingraining the message of brotherhood and love in them through music. As I left Mumbai, I read a quote by Raahat Khan Sahab in the newspaper which said that Pakistan has too much terrorism to encourage budding musical talent and that he is glad that the opportunity to showcase them is given by India. After meeting the kids, I wonder why any country would do, indulge in, or promote practices (I think if something like terrorism is not nipped in its bud by any country then they are indirectly encouraging it) that would actually adversely affect the future of their own children, their own future. And every parent of these kids in the show says that perhaps through this show, through music, the message of unity and brotherhood will come through. What better way can there be when the messengers of peace are children? I, like all others that dream, wish for that peace, hope and love for all the children starting from Kashmir to Pakistan to Afghanistan to anywhere were guns are louder than the laughter of happy children.

As a singer, as a musician I am getting to hear so much of music that I have not heard before and I see that most of the really popular Hindi songs are all borrowed from the traditional tunes of India.

My co-host on the show is Omi Vaidhya, better known as Chatur Ramalingam of 3 Idiots and he is a total riot. He brings an element that is absolutely ingenious in a show like this.
Sonu ji gave me several pointers on presentation and how to go about certain things in the process. Loved listening to him in those few minutes I got.

When the judges go about explaining a lot of things to the contestants, I am learning along with them. In addition to so many musical ideas my vocabulary in Hindi and Urdu is growing. Urdu is one of my favorite languages to listen to. It has a mellow and lovely sound. In addition I am getting to listen to Rahat Sahab and Sonu ji sing a lot which, for me as a rasika, is beautiful to experience.

The show will go on for only about 12 weeks. By the end of 10 days of total work, I know I ll be a completely different person. Richer in experience. And God willing, richer in Music.

Performed at

2010-07-16T12:09:00.000+05:30

The Tanjavur Brhadeeshwara temple yesterday. I had visited the town a few weeks ago for another performance and was told to go and visit the Vaaraahi Sannidhi at the temple. I was given to understand that the Chola king always sought her permission before embarking on anything new and also, legend has it that he was cursed to not enter the temple through the main gate and had to use an alternate entrance by which he visited the Goddess first. (Correct me if I am wrong though). I had gone there and the Pujari at the sannidhi said they had looking for my contact details to arrange a concert during Aashad Navaratri. Right then and there the concert was fixed and the said concert happened last evening. Had been looking forward to this and sitting right there in the temple premises and singing was an experience that I will cherish.

I sang a few Abhangs and Bhajans in addition to a few Tamil compositions and somehow the locals sat through the entire rendition of about 2 1/2 hours +. I did my bit of explaining what the lyrics meant and somehow, I experienced the fact that music really does not know language and the thought is communicated regardless of anything.

I would think of so many things to ask before I went to a temple but once I step in, I forget the list I make. The last time I went there I was given a special darshan of the Gopuram. It just happened somehow. I guess that is where I count my blessings.

There are times in our lives where, in spite of all the everything that happens in and around us, a sense of nothingness and emptiness does envelop our being. Not in a melancholy sort of a way but I find it hard to explain this. As I went in for the Darshan before the concert yesterday, I got an SMS from a friend who arranges tours in the Himalayan regions of a trip planned and this is the one thing that is still elusive. I yearn to go to the Himalayas and somehow it just does not materialize. Dates clash with professional commitments. And my Himalayan sojourn gets pushed once again. Wonder when the mountain Gods will hear me out.

But for now, I am thankful for the graces bestowed on me.

To you, the reader, I wish for you that you be happy. Truly.

TEDxBLr

2010-07-07T13:27:00.002+05:30

Had quite an amazing time there. I guess more than anything else I had made one of my first trips with a group to a certain destination. Its amazing how you learn things from someone who would have been a total stranger and over the course of a few hours, if you have a mind open enough and ears as well, to listen and truly listen, there is a lot that one can learn. Something that I have learned from my mom and Rahman sir time and again. To keep our hearts and minds open and not draw all these imaginary lines with "this cannot be done", "that cannot be done" and stuff like that. This was reinforced yesterday when I met Suresh Sambandam of Orange Scape, Pravin Shekhar of Krea and Samuel Eddy. Kiruba Shankar has been a mentor of sorts over the years and he has an amazing knack of getting people together and we become the sole beneficiaries and Kribs becomes, like Lakshmi Pratury said at TEDxBlr yesterday, a millionaire of moments.

Its also amazing how much you can learn from people who have open minds. I somehow feel its infectious and if you spend enough time with them, its an infectious thing altogether. Also relearnt that sometimes you get the best ideas from someone outside of the industry you work in.

We got to know that TEDxBlr was arranged and put together within 4 days and should give it to them for the effort. An event of this stature is difficult to execute within that time frame. The venue was interesting - Opus in the Creek and the post event Karaoke singing, which I think somehow the gang from Chennai dominated was so much fun. It was about 20 hours of learning and fun. Personally, the journey was a lot more important to me than the destination yesterday.

So looking forward to TEDxChennai which happens on 10-10-10 and I am darn sure that this journey would be special to a lot more people too.

If you are new to TED, I would urge you to check out TED.com and give some time to watch and listen to the talks that are uploaded.

And to you, I wish for you that you meet people that make you feel that the world is a truly wonderful place; people who remind you that the mind and the universe are too amazing to put restrictions on.

And I wish for you that you lift some of the restrictions that you may have inadvertently placed there and open your eyes today to a new vision.

God Bless.

P.S.: If you are already familiar with TED, do visit TEDxChennai and you could recommend speakers for the event too. "Ultimately, TEDxChennai is our opportunity to help make a difference by unleashing new ideas and inspiring the community to help shape the future in Chennai and beyond"

Latest in

2010-07-05T12:46:00.000+05:30

Vandae Mataram composed by Imman and sung by Imman, Harish Raghavendra, Vijay Yesudas, Krish, Ranjith, Haricharan, Mathangi, Shalini, Srilekha, Kalyani, and I. I am just *hoping* I have not missed out someone.

And in Vamsam, Marudhaani Poovumela composed by Taj Noor and remember that I was unwell and still recuperating from the fever and sore throat an entire set of us got during the shoot of Sangeetha Maha Yuddham. This would have to be the fastest time from recording the song to release.. I think the album has released within 20 days of my singing the song.
Do let me know what you think.
TIA

TEDxBangalore Tomorrow

2010-07-05T11:59:00.000+05:30

And absolutely looking forward to it. And again all thanks to @kiruba for having brought this to my notice. Would have totally missed it otherwise. Interesting line up of speakers and its not a day-long event as I expected it to be. I like the "Best Brain Spa in the World" description.
I would suggest you be there, if you can get the tickets, that is.

http://tedxblr.com/

2010-07-05T11:52:00.000+05:30

Lost our phone and along with it the umpteen contacts for which we did not have a backup thanks to the Windows Android-Apple non-sync issue. Eventually planned to write down the contacts but well, destiny had other plans. Got a replacement sim from Airtel and it took them 48 hours to reactivate it and that too only after a friend stepped in and escalated the process this morning. Thanks @amaravind.

Daunting task ahead with rebuilding that phone book.

So here is to you - may you never lose a phone.

And may you always have backup of all the numbers.

God bless.

Madhno features in the top romantic songs of 2010

2010-07-05T11:43:00.002+05:30

as of end of June. Happy pappy when I heard about it. I also hear that the album as such is getting amazing reviews and the Midday in Mumbai gave it a rating of 4 stars, which is not happenstance.

As said before it was amazing to sing for Mithoon and as an admirer of his work, this is wishing him more accolades. Like is written in a lot of reviews, he is a guy to watch out for.

Happened

2010-07-01T12:46:00.011+05:30

to hear/read from the latest Anandha Vikatan that I am shifting to Mumbai. Amazing I say. This, most definitely is news to me as well.

~~Thamizh magazines~~ (I guess all publications that come out with stuff like this are) Unbeatable.

P.S.: I read your comments. But in this particular post a few will remain unpublished.

P.S.: +1 - Anandha Vikatan apparently does not say I am moving to Mumbai. This was based on the phone calls/tweets/mails that I got saying "Anandha Vikatan says you are shifting base". Hence this post. But usually when someone writes that I will be hosting a show, it leads to assumptions that I am shifting too, naturally. Nevertheless, it was interesting giving a lot of "No I am not moving to Mumbai" replies the past week.

And..

2010-06-21T22:49:00.003+05:30

I won the Best Female Playback singer for Varayo Varayo this year at the Vijay awards. This award was presented more than 3 weeks ago but thought it would be better to write about it after the telecast. All credit for this award goes to Harris sir alone and huge shout out thank-you to Red Giant movies.

I remember Ravikumar sir announcing at the audio launch that his personal favorite is Varayo. Felt extremely grateful to him then and continue to do so. And yeah the award is kinda heavy. Very heavy in fact.It would easily weigh some 7 kilos or something

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF8fE984oCo&feature=player_embedded#!

P.S.: I was mighty tired that day and was coming straight after the final day of the shoot schedule of Sangeeta Maha Yuddham. Most of us from the team had gotten some sort of a fever and that added up to it. Hope that explains :)

Sangeeta Maha Yuddham on Sun TV from June 26th

2010-06-15T21:00:00.001+05:30

And this is the show I am hosting. And not anything else, thank you very much :)

The press release was today and hence according to protocol, I can speak about the show. If you have watched Music ka Maha Muqabla on Star Plus, this is more or less the same thing, albeit in Tamil.

The show will have 6 teams captained by playback singers Vijay Yesudas, Devan Ekambaram, Madhu Balakrishnan, Mathangi, Srilekha Parthasarathy and Anupama.

Every team will compete with the others in the round-robin method and each episode will see two teams compete against each other. The teams will have their respective captains and 3 players. The 4 captains that are not playing on the said day, become the judges of the other two teams' performance/competition. Hence we have the singers becoming competitors in one episode and judges in another.

The schedules have been awesome fun and working with the man who started it all, or rather brought music shows to Indian TV, Mr. Gajendra Singh has been an enriching, learning experience. He is the pioneer behind Antakshari and Sa Re Ga Ma from which most of the music shows in South Indian television were inspired. Shall take some pictures in the next schedule and post them here. And to answer another set of questions, yes I am going to be singing in these episodes too, (non competitively of course) quite unlike Super Singer.

So every Saturday and Sunday 9:30 PM, Sangeeta Maha Yuddham on Sun TV. Watch it if you can.

(Saw the promo today and felt I sounded a bit loud though I hadn't upped my voice level that much. I always had that feeling when I was hosting Super Singer too. Don't know what they do with the balancing that make it shout out)

The Audio Launch of Lamhaa

2010-06-14T08:20:00.003+05:30

in Mumbai was a new experience for me. For one, it happened in a mall. I hear a couple of movies before that had had their audio launch in a mall before but I am not sure if they performed there. But we did. A stage was set up in the atrium of Oberoi mall and there we were getting the sound check done in front of an audience and finally the performance.

My sojourn in Mumbai lasted 3 days and quite some hectic activity, thankfully. I guess if I hadn't had much to do I would not have been too happy with the excess time on my hands and maybe as I have mentioned before I am not a shopping enthusiast. Now that I have picked up some major interest in baking I had made a note of what I needed and what some friends needed which I successfully picked up very close to the home I was staying in there. I would perhaps love a personal shopper like the character portrayed by Cameron Diaz in 'In Her Shoes'. Not that I do much of it now. Anyway, I am digressing. It was great to catch up with Mithoon after all this while and he is more of a spiritually elevated soul now as I noticed. And what an album. Completely in love with it. Here are some pictures from the launch. Do have a listen to the album and if you are downloading, do so legally :)